It is a little after midnight and I can't sleep. I am restless. I get like this from time to time. Even after having a short sweet conversation with someone I am crushing on, I am still restless. I am feeling my alone-ness I think. It is not depressing or even sad. It is just a strong sense of
not having. Sometimes these moments can bring me to a place of great clarity if I am open to what's on my heart. Other times I can wander along aimlessly until I hit a bump. This is not a bump. Just me taking stock of where I am. I am looking up from the steering wheel and checking to see if I am going down the right road.
I am up round midnight, just me and my wandering mind wanting a bit of company and conversation. And knowing full well there is no one to talk to...except here to my blog at this hour. This is the beauty of blogging, it's always on, always there and always receptive and sometimes not enough. Tonight it's not enough, but it will have to do.
The Love List 90-91- 90. Does not mistake my restlessness for unhappiness about Us.
- 91. Lovingly gives me room to be Still.
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17 comments:
Hey there. I'm new to your blog, and I love your love list.
And... you've been tagged. Hope you don't mind!
Me likes Number 91 - thats very poetic, i will make a poem about it
I am continuously astounded at how in touch with your feelings you are, the clarity of your emotions is amazing. I wish I could express myself like that, on paper or otherwise, I hope the guy your crushing on is worthy of a woman like you.
Welcome Bear Maiden! I am glad you love the love list, it is a real excercise in thinking about a lover. I don't mind being tagged! It is a great sourcde of inspiration!
Torrance, I am sure you will write a beautiful poem...I am glad something I said inspired you!
Tall Gurl in Utah, thanks for the compliment. It does not always feel like I am clear, I feel like I am on my hands and knees crawlingthrough a smokey room! The man I am crushing on is very interesting.
I had one of those nights last night as well. Got off the phone with a really good friend...for as much as I try to forget....part of me is still crushing on. I did some work on the computer, then laid in bed with a roaming mind until I dozed into la la land after 3am.
Lonliness can be such a quiet beast. However, at least you were able to be introspective during your time of lonliness.
Sister Artist In Me,
Yes, I am feeling like I am unfinished. It is an odd out of sorts feeling. Not depression or sadness, not wanderlust. I am training my self to be still and let the spirit move over me. I can be quite reactionary, so I am learning to be still.
I feel ya on the up late at nite with no one to talk to. LOL. I have insomnia issues. I can beup until 2 knowing I have to leave for work in less than 6 hours.
I wish my computer was running so I can blog late like I used to.
Lovebabz, again I will say you are encouraging me with your posts and lists.
Shai,
I have insomnia issues too! My soon-to-be Ex Husband used to take it as a personal affront when I would get up and roam around the house late at night. You have to have a huge-ass ego to think like that...LOL!
I just discovered you from a comment you made at kelso's. I hear you on your situation. Sometimes, the only thing breaking up the silence is the tap, tap, tap on my keyboard. And I'm still living with my soon to be ex!
When I'm finally alone, I can only imagine the silence, but at least it might be comfortable silence.
Love the love list.
DCup...love the name! I too was a Dcup before the surgery!
Yes indeed there is something to be said for COMFORTABLE silence!
Thank you for coming by...feel free to stop in anytime...I am always here!
Nothing wrong with that midnight hour...sometimes we find so much there, even when it's not what we want to find...it is always a defining moment. The moment i wish someone was thinking of me, too!
i feel ya...
Mizrepresent, you are so perceptive and wise! Yes indeed, I think that is it exactly ...I want someone to be thinking of me...
Capcity,
It is amazing how so many us share the same experiences but would never know it until some post shows up to illuminate our common longings!
if you wander along
maryland is not that far lol
James Tubman,
As always you bring a smile to my lips and heart!
I clear these hurdles with ease. Maybe with a little too much ease. I'm not the jealous or paranoid type. I believe in giving everyone space.
The thing that bugs me (and I guess it bugs every man) is when you ladies get huffy and stomp around and rebuff efforts to resolve the problem.
Kelso,
Whatever do you mean...can you hear me stomping out of the room now! Here's a tip: It's not about resolving the "problem" it is being heard and present.
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