Monday, March 3, 2008


I know too many women who are not happy in their love lives. I know too many women who are settling for crumbs of affection. Why do we set ourselves upon that path? What is it about love that we believe is so illusive that We will accept so very little from someone. Believing if we ask for more, that it means we want too much. And who are these men who are offering so little and why? I only know that I can't be that woman who accepts scraps. When you are a beggar at the table of love, You will always come away feeling hungrier than when you showed up and in that hunger you will accept any old cut of meat. My Sister-friend JB says we have to order different...better cuts of meat...and she's right.

The Love List 11-15

  • 11. Good Grooming Habits. Likes to bathe regularly and maybe shower with me for fun and ...
  • 12. Well Mannered. You know-- not acting like they were raised by wolves in a cave...sorry not trying to offend blogging wolves or cavemen.
  • 13. Can Pick-UP After Himself. I am not, nor do I aspire to be the maid, unless you get me that sexy little french maid outfit with the stiletto's...but I digress.
  • 14. Generous With Time. Able to see me often; willing to try cool stuff like new restaurants, theatre, avant garde events, TV programs, travel. He has to have REAL TIME for love and the cultivation and sustaining of that love.
  • 15. Considerate. Has respect for my goals, challenges, children, dreams, time, hopes, disappointments and celebrations. My life and all that's in it has to matter to him.


Sharon said...

"When you are a beggar at the table of love, You will always come away feeling hungrier than when you showed up and in that hunger you will accept any old cut of meat."

-Gurrrrrrrrrl, shut yo mouf! Can I get an "Amen!"?

Lovebabz said...

Doesn't this ring true! I mean as I was discovering this for myself it all feel so right on point.

K.O. Johnson said...

Great post Lovebabz! I would like to add one very important point of view: the roles of beggar and love rationer aren't defined by gender. I can assure you there are men who are woefully malnourished while the women they love count crumbs. Its not a gender thang, but a spirit thang. Just my two cents. ;)

Lovebabz said...

Hello K.O. Johnson!
Your two cents are worth millions! Yes indeed, you are so right and it is a spirit thang. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I am so much richer and fuller for it.

MsKnowitAll said...

I did the "Love List" a few weeks back! I love lists and I especially appreciate your love list item #14...

"He has to have REAL TIME for love and the cultivation and sustaining of that love.

People really forget that the time you put in during the beginning stages of a relationship, you still have to apply that time for the continuance.

Lovebabz said...

Hey Msknowitall,

Yes you are so right. I think everybody falls into the "take for granted" mode. The trick is to recognize it and break out of it.

Mizrepresent said...

Well, i'll say it AMEN! I hear ya Lovebabz...i want love, and in time a relationship but only if it's right...of course i am in constant battle with myself on this, but i am praying for patience.

Lovebabz said...

I think that's why for me the love list is so good. Because I need some clarity and I want to be more thoughtful about my next lover choice.

Jennifer said...

I KNOW you are right. When a woman orders a prime cut MAN, he shows up. Amen.

Lovebabz said...

Yes indeed Jennifer. I am learning that as we speak/blog!

It is amazing what the universe will deliver when you are clear in your mind, centered in yourself and standing in the Grown Woman, or Grown Man space.

Waiter! Prime Cut it is!

Ndelible said...

Babz ~~

I am loving your love list gurl! My sister once said that whenever you want something, write it down exactly as you want it and *it* will appear. When you think about it - how else will the universe know what to bring you?

Bless you for living your life in love.

Ndel's World

Lovebabz said...

Hey Ndelible,

Church folks often say "to claim it you have to name it"! I am beginning to see the light!

Shai said...

I am loving your blog and the themes you implimented in February and now March. I usually have a theme I work for the year. Last year was The Rebirth of Shai. This year is Learning to Love and your lists are right up my alley.

Just 2 years ago, I battled with letting go of the love I had for the wrong person. The following poem sums up what happened and I am learning from it. Ironically last year it got published in Essence.


He wanted me
To be a flowing river
Eternally supplying his needs
Him, closed off
Always receiving
Me, feeding him a feast
Him, giving me
Dried up crumbled promises
Only for him to walk away
Me, dangling
Like charms on a bracelet
Along with all the others

©Shai Lynn Kai Davis

Lovebabz said...

Hey Sister Shai!

I love this poem! As a matter of fact I clipped it from Essence! Sister, I have been that woman too. We are not being those women ever again. The theme for our lives is Living in LOVE!

Shai said...

You clipped it out of Essence. Wow! I am so honored. Thanks. Living and Loving Golden.

Xavier Pierre Jr. said...

I've come a long way as a man. I've been at both extremes of behavior towards women before finally finding balance in the middle. My work with women helps me to understand why so many "are settling for crumbs of affection". Much too deep to go into here, but we can talk.

Back to the list: I'm still with you. But I must ask, while I understand that we should all pick up after ourselves, is #13 really needed on the list? Obviously, your answer is yes. :-)

Peace and Love,

Alizé (

Lovebabz said...

I am so happy you are following my list. Yes #13 is essential--I know you never would leave your stuff all over the place :)