Friday, September 30, 2011


All I ever wanted was to help them become who their supposed to be.  That is my mission, my charge, my blessing.  God picked me to be their mother.  For whatever reasons they found me and latched on.  They have saved my life over these 10 years.  They have given me a purpose like that of Mary.  It is awesome and grand and breath-taking.

Each one came with their own story.  Their own tale of woe and struggle and yet here they stand thriving and blossoming and happy.  They make me happier than I have ever been in my entire life.  These four patch-work orphans who are orphans no more.  I wonder what do they remember from before.  I wonder if they ever wonder about the time before this time.

I think of the women who bore them and left them, released them, walked away, had them taken away for their own good.  Imagine the kind of pain that pushes you to let go of your children.  I am not judging them.  I remain forever grateful for they have given me a gift that only God fully understands.  I am not better than them.  Yes they have their stories of abuse, drugs, addiction.  I am not better than them, nor will I ever be.  I remain in awe of their pain and struggle.  I know something about pain, struggle and redemption.

I pray that they believe their children are well.  I pray they know that God has not forsaken them.  I pray a mother's prayer of connection, reverence and peace.

I am a mother.  I am a mother because 4 other women made it so.  Four gifts from four different, unrelated women who have me in common and they will never know that.  Our path have crossed as I stood at the gates of heaven and received their blessed gifts.  There is nothing more divine or sacred....

...The gift of 4 women.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Stuck in a Blackbird's Groove

My Blog Sister Nordette Adams created this! I love the way she writes. I love the way she thinks. She intelligently blogs at Whose Shoes are These Anyway?

Saturday, September 24, 2011


I refuse to say I am tired even if I am.  I refuse to let the pain of my everyday life wear me out.  There is nothing but to move forward.  I know how to seek rest and refuge in small doses to sustain me for the day ahead.  There are days when I am crippled and blinded by the pain in my heart, soul, bones and mind.  Yes the pain is deep and I swear I can barely stand it. But I do.  I do because the alternative is to let the devil win.  I am a whole lot of things, but a loser is not one of them.  Oh I can quit with the best of them.  But I am choosing not to.  I am consciously holding on.  I have tasted the sweetness of pure joy, love and peace and I want to live with that always.

I am making the path as I go.  There is no other way.  There is no map except for the one that God has written into my heart. There are always cross roads and flooded rivers and dark scary places and boogy men here and there.  I have fought my share of demons and dragons.  I have waded in waters that should have drowned me.  I have been cast aside, thrown away and left for dead.  I know something about pain and perseverance.  I know something about love and redemption and forgiveness.  I am learning to forgive the error of my ways and the choices I have made for bad.  I am trying to live without regrets.  And I know there will always be regrets, and unrequited love and melancholy, just like rainy days in June and lots of snow in December in Connecticut.

I am making the path as I go.  I am not sure anyone can follow it or should.  Maybe all I want is for someone to know I came through.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Adele - Someone Like You (Live in Her Home)

I heard, that your settled down.
That you, found a girl and your married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things, I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
It ain't like you to hold back or hide from the lie.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited.
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded,
That for me, it isn't over.

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best, for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah.

You'd know, how the time flies.
Only yesterday, was the time of our lives.
We were born and raised in a summery haze.
Bound by the surprise of our glory days.

Adele Someone Like You lyrics found on

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded,
That for me, it isn't over yet.

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead", yay.

Nothing compares, no worries or cares.
Regret's and mistakes they're memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg, I remembered you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg, I remembered you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, yay yeh yeah

Monday, September 19, 2011

It's My Mind And I Live Here

Depending on where you stand in the world it may seem like the world is going crazy.  Depending on how you feel you may think love will never come your way.  Depending on your experiences you might think all the "good ones" have been taken. If it's Monday and you're broke, you may ask "why am I always broke come Monday?"  All that kind of thinking is rooted in fear.  It is not true.  You might be cash flow challenged, but broke no!  Lack of money is not broken or broke.  Money is not a fixer.  Your attitude about your situation is the fixer. This is not news.  But we don't believe it applies to us, because our situation is unique and all that mind changing stuff is nice, but I have real life issues.  Does this sound familiar? 

When we further examine our negative thoughts and negative talk we see that what we say and think are just not true.  I have been spending time really looking at what I say and think.  I have become acutely conscious of my thinking and words.  This is how I am learning that words have power in my life and that I speak my reality.  I can speak my successes and failures into being.  I notice that the negative thinking and talking is done so effortlessly that I hardly realize that I am doing it.  I have conditioned myself to attack myself, to second guess myself, to speak harshly to myself as if I am racing to beat the world before the world can beat me down.  I do it and I am the worst critic!

I am paying attention to my thoughts and words.  I am refusing to say or think the seemingly harmless stuff.  This requires paying attention and being aware of my thoughts...being mindful.  The power of my life lies in how I think about my life,  how I go about speaking truth about my life.

I am spending real time expanding my desire to be in control of my mind., emotions, habits and general well-being.  I no longer want to be at the mercy of my emotions, allowing the world to twist me up.  When I say world, I mean all those things outside of myself having power to make feel a certain kind of way.  I no longer want to be reactionary.  I want to be still and powerful.  I want to be calm and rational.  I want to be peaceful and loving even in the midst of chaos, uncertainty and fear.

It's my mind and I live here. My mind has to be free of clutter and negative thoughts.  It has to be the source from which my strength begins...I believe first and then I can act.  I can imagine and then I can set about doing. In God's care, a free mind, an open and forgiving heart is my goal.  To live in love always is what I am naturally working toward.  I am tired of the heady rush of the latest things.  I am tired of the roller coaster of relationships. What I seek resides within.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


I just love them! They are purposeful in their love songs and that is DIVINE! I am feeling very in love and they capture my sentiments. Enjoy!

Monday, September 12, 2011


I am by nature a romantic person.  I love cut fresh flowers everywhere throughout the house.  I love great music wafting through the house.  My kitchen is filled with dishes that I love love love.  I have pillows on my sofas that are inviting and comfy.  I have drapes from the windows that are luscious to the touch.  I am a woman for romance.  I still write letters on fine stationary scented with my favorite perfume.  I have a mountain of girly pillows on my bed.  I sleep with flameless candles aglow every night.

This is how you attract love, by creating a loving environment. I am naturally in-tuned to this regardless of attracting a love interest.  I like living around natural luxuries and I want my children to feel at home with nice things around them.  So far so good.  They have an eye for lovely things.

What I am learning about myself is simply do what I love.  Surrounding myself with things and people that speak to romance.  Too much emphasis is place on sexual intimacy as the end of romance.  I say that is not what romance is at all!  If you get a lovely sexual encounter out of a romantic evening great!.  But what I am talking about is living in a romantic state all the time.  A place of serenity, beauty and love.  It is a deliberate choice.  It is about saying every morning I want to walk in beauty and seek it out at every turn.  Yes, this takes some doing.  But it's the same energy you use to worry or get anxious and depressed over lack and perceived troubles.  Everyday you get 24 hours...we all do.  How are you going to spend it?  Are you going to worry and wring your hands, or will you lay out your nice china and serve a wonderful meal.  You already have this stuff.  Whatever your worries, you can't solve them denying yourself pleasure.  Your bills are not going to feel less if you eat off paper plates.  Drink out of your crystal glasses and feel beautiful and abundant.

I am going to probably lose my home...I am awaiting foreclosure papers any day now.  I know they are coming and I am expecting a miracle.  In the meantime, I am choosing to live in beauty.  My house remains picked up and clean and de-cluttered.  It is still my home and I refuse to treat it like it's not.  I am choosing to live a certain kind a way no matter where I am or where I go.  Romance is the order of the day.  I am united in my thoughts and feeling about this.  It is the United States of Romance and I am it's Queen!  I have the choice to live and be any way that I want.  I am choosing to live in romance, peace, love and well-being.  Whatever the challenges ahead, I have the ability to think and reason coupled with faith that all shall be well.

Sunday, September 11, 2011