So why a Love List? Because I want to be clear about what it is I say I want. I think it would be a great exercise to really focus on what I feel is important in a soul mate the next time around...and there will be a next time around. Like Luther Vandross said "I was not meant to live alone"
For the next 31 days I am going to start a running Love List, that will capture 100 things I want in a soul mate/partner/significant other/lover. Of course I will post about my life and I may offer some insight about the list of the day.
Here goes:
The Love List 1-5
- loyal. If I learned nothing else last year, I learned about loyalty. Who stands with you in times of trouble. Who can you count on. Being with someone in times of joy and celebration costs you nothing. That is easy. But to hold onto someone when their world is crashing around them...priceless.
- Commitment to family. I want someone who is always thinking about what is best for "Our" family. And someone who loves children. Love me, love my kids.
- Self confident. Not conceited, but knows who they are and likes who they are. I want someone who is not moved by popular opinion. Someone who goes their own way.
- Kind. Someone who knows how to be kind. Someone who can let down their guard and extend themselves for my sake.
- Sense of humor. If you can't laugh, joke and have fun, than I am not the Grown Woman for you.
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15 comments:
'alo Gorda, que mas?
Don't worry. I didn't just call you "fat." In Northern South American Spanish "gordo(a)" while ALSO meaning "fat" between friends is the equivalent of "hot-shot," "big-shot," "fat-cat," or "money."
You actually write superior Spanish. Did you learn it at home? Possibly as I did, growing up in a mixed neighborhood in the Northeast (Chelsea, Manhattan, NYC in 1960s & 70s for me) from Puerto Rican friends? I notice you write in a formal U.S. Latino style. The Spanish of Panama, Colombia, Ecuador and Venezuela is as you can tell from my writing something completely different. If you know something about linguistics, it's not hard to see why: the European influence which brings us the tu form but -- bizarrely -- not the vosotro(a)s, plus all the swearing which is common as dirt in el castellano but kind of offensive en el latino.
I like your "love list." I would probably make those if not my same top five at least 5 of the top 8 or so. I am, however, the wrong person to comment, being twice divorced. Or maybe I'm the right person for that reason.
I had quite a good relationship with my first wife. We parted amicably over a sensible issue. I wanted children. She didn't. We loved each other enough to do the mature thing and each take the donkey-punch of the break-up at that point as opposed to one forcing the other into a life he/she didn't want.
I found practically none of the elements of your list in my 2nd wife and the big problem was her lack of self-confidence. I have always been very ambitious and self-confident (though more cordial than my blog persona would indicate) and she was not, though she had every reason to feel every ounce of her abilities. When I met her she was an extremely successful rock and rap publicist.
I am a co-founder of an off-shore hedge-fund dedicated to Russian equities and bonds and also a professional gambler. I think the rupture began when -- I guess expecting that I'd be the wallflower with folks like Ol Dirty Bastard, Coolio, Everlast, Superdrag, Nada Surf, Pimpadelic, De La Soul and a whole bunch of others, I was a big hit because they all wanted to talk sports and betting with me. I guess that bugged her which was also a violation of your "family" rule. She felt that my accomplishments diminished her, while I felt hers augmented me. On the other hand, I was hardly a perfect husband. I am a self-employed workaholic which means that not only am I working all the time, when I'm not I'm very lazy and conventional stuff like going out to dinner with her friends or family bored me sick.
Though I'm not religious, I guess there's something to karma, because we have a magnificent son and have a bizarre international joint custody agreement and I think each in our own way we make very good parents.
This is good Babz! As important as knowing ourselves is, I believe it is just as important to know what it is we want/desire/crave/REQUIRE in our significant others AND what our SOs need from us. I found after much self-examination of my failed relationships that though I always tried to match his characteristics up to my desires/needs, I seldom paid much if any attention to whether or not my characteristics were compatable with his desires/needs. To be honest, I found that I rarely truly even knew what his desires/needs were when it came to what his partner (i.e. ME) should come equipped with.
Now I ask myself and more importantly him the hard questions from day one so as to ascertain our suitability for each other!
So keep up the hard work my sistah...I know that when your crops are harvested, you will be blessed with fruit of the most luscious and ripe variety you've ever encountered!
Kelso's nuts
...too late! I am already wounded! No really I got you. I am glad you came over. You have a strong presence.
The love list is going to run for the month...each day I will list a couple of things until I get to 100! Ambitious? yes.
I worked as a publicist for a minute so I bet I have been in the same room as your ex-wife. I bet we were at some of the same crazy parties with rock stars and rappers and actors. And if you were hanging with her, then our paths may crossed as well.
I am glad you liked the list...you may get married again...I hear 3 is the charm! Besides you know what you want and need after 2 tries! Yikes..
Russian equities and bonds...is there such a thing? Very interesting---does that alone make you a gambler or is gambling in addition to co-founding a hedge-fund?
I do hope you pop in again. I like your tone.
Hey Sister Sharon,
Isn't this great! I wanted to do this for a while. So when the NaBloPoMO started going monthly and their first challenge was list! I was on it!. I think this will bring some clarity to what I want next time around. I think this will be a great execercise in looking at what I bring to the table as well. If nothing else it will be illuminating.
babz....i came through Kelso... who is quite the gentleman..
i look forward to the liszt..... i love liszt...
oh nevermind (it is the emily litella in me)
8-)
What a big amibition...posting daily. You're off to a great start. I love your first 5, I especially like kindness. It is a great catchall characteristic. The trick is to find someone who is kind, OFTEN.
Hey Distributorcap,
Thanks for coming over! Kelso's Nuts is quite interesting and I believe you are right he does have a gentleman's vibe. Do think about creating your own list and check on me as I craft my own!
Sister P--how good of you to stop in, Yes this is very ambitious but last month was very helpful because I blogged everyday!
Lovebabz:
I have no doubt that we've crossed paths if you were in the music business in the mid-late 90's-early 00's. It would be more appropriate, I think, to pursue that conversation via email or IM or skype or something more private.
I'll be pretty busy with work until 10pm tonight, so my Minus 700Club post which will answer many of your questions about my career in finance and gambling as well as cover the waterfront with regard to Obama, Clinton, McCain, religion, oppression, homophobia, racism, and math might not show up until later tonight or tomorrow. Panama is on EST btw.
D-CAPny: That is a very nice thing for you to say. I kind of pride myself on that and pretty much have a reputation as a diplomatic and gentlemanly guy. It's hard to maintain a gentlemanly style in the blog world because of the polemica.
But this week I've gotten some really nice compliments from your referring to me as a "gentleman" to Fairlane's referring to me as "fucking certifiable...but brilliant" to some nice stuff from some new friends. One is "torrance" at rawdawgbuffalo. I have link; trust me, you will LOVE his blog...beware, though, our good friend N_s under nom-de-course 'coleman' is a visitor and pulls the same bullshit on Torrance that he does in our neck of the woods.
And of course the lovely "lovebabz" whom I met at RDB has been super-supportive in the 15 hours or so of our blog friendship!
I agree with all of your first 5!
Hey Mizrepresent,
Now just 95 more to go! Well if nothing else, it will be quite illuminating for me.
what a wonderful idea to theme the theme-month, lovebabz! and SO important to know yourself by knowing what you want in the people you choose to surround yourself with.
i sent a trio of lists to the guy i've been seeing for a while now, back when we started. it was the top 5 requirements (the must-haves), the 5 deal-breakers (the must-NOT-haves), and the 5 things that it'd just be nice to have in common. and months later, when i look back at our lists (he sent me his, too), i know why we're so sympatico!
I love the name Fireweaver...very powerful. Yes I find that lists can bring a certain clarity to a thought process. The trick is not to get carried away. But for the sake of love, I think I am on the right track. Thanks for coming over---do come calling again!
I'm looking this list up and down, slowly, intentionally, letting myself feel what these words inspire, then went back over the whole list a few more times. This is a very important list.
Peace and Love,
Alizé (LoversA.blogspot.com)
Dearest Xavier,
Thank you for taking the time to look over my Love List. It seems to be giving me a great deal of clarity. So yes it is important in that it helps me be clear and thoughtful.
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