Reasons Why You Shouldn't Date Me or Marry Me... and Yes, I'm Giving Up Dating

I suck at dating. I mean I really suck. I keep showing up as my authentic self and nobody digs it. 

I show up open and honest and that's not how it goes.... That not how any of this goes.

Date after date, I get the same Dear Babz, I like you BUT....  I am baffled. I am perplexed. I am 52! I am not 22, or 32 or 42! I can't play coy. I can't play stupid. I can't keep smiling and nodding and being dim. What the fuck! I have a life. I am doing shit. I have projects. Why is that a problem? 

Last night a Brother told me: I think you are amazing... Pretty... No outright beautiful... You are smart... Witty and sexy as hell. But I can't be in your shadow. I'm being straight up honest. We could be friends though. Now mind you we've gone out, we've had long deep conversations. We flirted, we kissed (not the best kiss, but enough to work on it).

I said OK and hung up. And then I cried and cried. Now I know he did me a favor. I know he is full of shit. I know he doesn't deserve me. I know all the intellectual stuff. But still... It's like being the last kid picked for kickball.... and honestly I wasn't that kid ever.  

So here's my list of why any guy shouldn't date me in no particular order of importance:

1. I like to kiss a lot

2. I have a big laugh that's deep and throaty and husky

3. I wake up happy and more than likely will want to have sex

4. I can cook... like a BOSS, Oh and I can pair wine with a meal with ease.

5. My musical tastes is off the chain... From old skool R&B to independent Hip-Hop

6. Jazz is my first LOVE

7. I am learning to speak FRENCH... have you ever had french words whispered in your ear while you are thrusting deeply?

8. I like to be alone... Without you.

9. I have solid friends who like to kick it with me and will read your ass if you try to interrupt our flow

10. I have kids who require my full attention

11. I will often speak in movie dialogue... The Godfather, Good Fellas, Friday, Friday after Next, Oh the list is long and varied

12. I am not always going to be GLAMMED UP... meaning I am more apt to be in a big t-shirt and granny panties than thongs, and garters

13. I love football...Get me a beer and be quiet.

14. When I'm working, I'm working

15. I like to shop alone.

16. Have your own hobbies... I'm not your entertainment

17. I read a lot. If you don't then know you are about to be kicked to the curb

18. I'm not checking your cellphone, your email, or social media accounts

19. I don't do baby-mama drama, ex-wife drama, drama of any sort.

20. When we are out don't take it personal if I don't introduce you... It is purely about me not remembering other people... Introduce yourself and be OK if I leave you alone.

Here's my new thing.... I am giving up dating. I am taking down all my dating profiles, I am telling all my dear friends to stop looking on my behalf. I am DONE!

It's not worth it to me anymore. I am tired. I am disilussioned and weary. So, I'm out the game! That's it. That's it. I live a full life already. My attention is required on other matters. This can't be a focus anymore. 

Every and All Blaxploitation films

WHY SOMEONE WOULDN'T WANT TO MARRY ME...

Let me just say someone emailed me this question: Why Someone Wouldn't Want to Marry Me. I thought a post would answer it...yes it is whinny...thanks Tony OH!

As I am contemplating dating again. I am thinking about what that will mean. How much dating will I do and what would be the point? I am not being pessimistic. I am a romantic optimist by nature and by choice.

In my 20's I loved dating. I loved having the numbers of different men and having their attention. I loved hitting the clubs and hanging out from time to time. In my 30's I was happily married and committed to one man. For more than a decade I was in a monogamous marriage. So here I am at 45 contemplating what I will do to meet men and date.

I can't imagine having a string of lovers. I can't imagine going from man to man trying them on to see who fits. And NO ONE gets access to my kids. And my kids, what in the world do I tell them? They have already been hinting that I might date. They are interested in knowing who I will kiss! Way too many Disney movies! LOL!

I am not sure men would find me appealing. Certainly not appealing enough to marry me. I mean here is who I am today:

I am too much of a homebody. I am no longer a party girl. My pleasures are different. I love being at home. I love tinkering with crafts. I love hanging with my kids. I am polite. I will call when I say I am going to call. I am rediscovering the joys of cooking fabulous meals. I love family. I like independent films. I can take care of myself. I love black & white films. I love jazz. I am not interested in being in a harem. I love honesty and truth---even if it hurts. I want and value kindness over ability to take me out to dinner. I like simple presents. I give simple presents. I have a fat tummy and fat thighs...I am no model! I like fine linen on my bed. I love nice things around the house. I love fresh cut flowers. I have friends who mean everything to me...that includes men who I have never ever slept with. I have 4 beautiful kids who do not need a father--but could benefit from another strong man who cares and loves them! Doesn't mind magazines, books and journals in the bed. Respects my quiet time. Is not threatened if I want to check a film or have dinner and cocktails with friends, even if those friends include men---who I have never slept with and do not intend to sleep with. I am a loyal woman and do not have patience for men who aren't. I am a fool for Christmas, Valentines' Day and my birthday.

I am going to date. And I am going to date for fun and without pressure. I am going to be open to new love and I do not plan on sleeping around no matter how horny I get! LOL!

Yeah no one is going to marry a woman like me...LOL!

BROTHERLY LOVE...

Friday afternoon my Brother and I were chatting as I was prepping for the cook-out on Saturday. The conversation went like this:
Bob-O: So when was the last time you were out getting your swerve on?
Me: You talking to me...laughing.
Bob-O: You need to get out. You need to go on a date. You need to get laid!
Me: Shut-up.
Bob-O: I am just saying you need to get a life.
Me: Negro I have a life and a pretty damn good one. I have this, that and the other thing going on and I am busy and I am doing, and I am....
Bob-O: You need a life that includes dating, sex and more sex.
Me: SHUT-UP!

Saturday Night the cook-out is in full swing. My Brother chimes in again with this You need a life shit, but only this time he has an audience, my Brother Mikie, his wife Bev, and my Sister-friends JB and RG, my Soror.

Bob-O: She needs to get out, leave these children and go have some real fun!
Mikie: Sis, we can take the kids, go on go somewhere!
Bev: Whip out that black book and make a few calls...you need a booty-call(s)!
JB: Sleeping in that big bed every night can be sad. It is sad. I understand it. I have been there.
RG: You need to get out there. You are an amazing woman. Someone is in need of an amazing woman.

So what does out there mean? The only black book I have is my day planner filled with immunization dates, upcoming Drs. appointments and days when school is out. I have been out of the dating world for 12 almost 13 years. I have not seen another naked man in all that time, nor has one seen me! I am not afraid to date. I just don't know who I would date? I mean my tolerance for foolishness is very very low. I can't imagine playing silly games and being coy. Flirting I can do, witty repartee I can do. But chasing men, dumbing down for men...awww NO. I will even wear stilettos occasionally...even I think stilettos are sexy...occasionally.

Yesterday, talking with my Sister-friend JB as we were recapping my Brother's stand-up routine about me. I realized that what he said hurt my feelings. Not in a mean way, but in a sad way. Sad because he is right. I am so busy creating this solid life for my children and their well-being, that I am neglecting my own well being. Yes, I am walking in my truths and I learning to love more fully. But what does that mean in the absence of application of these life lessons. Hhhmmm.

1000 Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
66. Try every position in the Karma Sutra.
67. Change a tire.
68. Grow heirloom tomatoes.
69. Go on a date(s).

IT'S ALWAYS JAZZ SUNDAY: LOVE, SEX AND HOW TO GO ABOUT GETTING BOTH

(SIGH) So, I am admitting it. I am in the mood for love. Actually sex. But how? with whom? and when? (Sigh) If it was just me I could deal but I was over at Ndelible where she has a post: I Want Sex. Now if you aren't moved by the post, then the picture of the nude male photo is enough...and I don't care who you are or your sexual preference--that photo is HOT...but I digress. So she is lamenting what's on my mind (sigh). Then I hop over to Torrence Stephens bka All-Mi-T who's post A Penchant 4 Commitment is so moving and so beautiful that he has single handed restored my faith in Brothers who love supreme. And if none of that isn't enough Sojourner G has crafted an arsenal of love lost/love found/ love is God poetry, that so get under my skin that I can't stand it. I find them all to be, well, haunting. I hate to even mention all the time I spend over at Bloggersdelight2write all that delicious Grown Folks poetry and before I can settle in to read the latest posts I have the nerve to click on their 2 Make U Groove --all that old school music and I always start with Prince's Adore. So what's a Grown Woman to do? (SIGH)

My sister-friend JB suggests a cup of tea...short for sex toys--don't ask. Yes of course I say. Why I have a small reliable stash of toys that I ...well you know. But still...(SIGH) having a cup of tea is lovely, but it's the weight I need. The weight of someone playing moon to my stars--you know what I mean. Hey we're all Grown folks aren't we. Yes of course. When I am unusually focused on all things sex, sweat and more sex, I tip on over to Bad Bad Girl for some erotic reading--besides she has a killer blogroll. Yep, I know my freak flag is showing a bit, but I am a Grown Woman with NEEDS! DESIRES and FANTASIES! (SIGH).

Anyway, I am thinking about this and praying about this. I suspect Mr. Right-For-Me will show up sometime or another. IN the meantime, I am going to add a label here just so that I can talk about this from time to time.