To Be Read... And Kept.

"There are two people you'll meet in your lifetime. One will run a finger down the index of who you are and jump straight to the parts that peak their interest. The other will take his or her time reading through every one of your chapters and maybe fold corners that inspired them the most. You will meet these two people; it is a given. It's the third you'll never see coming. That one person who not only finishes your sentences, but keeps the book." ~ Unknown.

Go Bold Or Go Home

I feel bold. I like feeling bold. I can no longer live the lesser story, nor can I let anyone try to force me to the lesser story of my life.

Bold. Going beyond my comfort level... which is for me code for lazy.  I don't want comfortable if it means I settle, I don't try. I am not trying to reach some elusive notion of success. I want to do what I want to do because I want to do them. I want to push myself to my highest self.

I want to be in love and stay in love all the time. I want to laugh and drink wine and enjoy good food.  I want to support causes that speak to my heart and soul. I want to be surrounded by fresh cut flowers. I am tired of being afraid.

I am chasing a bold life, because I am running out of time and living in fear of anything saps the life out of me.

No one gets to hold me hostage with their mess. I can't carry extra baggage of any kind. Come to me with a willingness to unpack or keep moving on. Come to me willing to travel light or keep on moving. I don't have a map, just God's call on my life and the stars and the moon to guide me.

This boldness is not new. Dormant. Hidden. Tucked away. And throw in some shame for good measure....shame is at the heart of not living a bold life.  Who are you to live so boldly? I mean you gotta hang your head and wear sack cloth and never smile or taste the sweetness of joy again. That's the weight of shame. I prefer the boldness of the day. I prefer to laugh out loud and smile and love love love deeply.

Loving deeply is the foundation for a bold life. To touch in love is the real revolution.  To go beyond my fears and reach out with open arms and open heart, naked and unashamed is my personal journey.

A bold life I seek. A bold life I shall live. Go bold or go home.  And if you go home, you can always try again. Life is all about chances. Today I'm taking a chance on going bold. I'm not talking crazy or throwing caution to the wind. It is for me declaring love every moment. And letting declarations of love find me... wrap around me.

So Love. I am. Come For Me.

Loveships do not have to be complicated. I really do believe for me the trouble always begins when I want someone who is just not quite right.... and I drag myself through the craziness based on a few qualities that I am convinced are enough. WRONG!

I know when shit ain't right...but I go down the garden path anyway hoping for what? I turn myself into a pretzel, taking my cues from the object of my affection.  I go into "I'm not enough as is"... that somehow I must become MORE MORE MORE in order for love to grow deeply. Like this last fiasco... listening to his little criticisms masked as deep concern (which were really just bait stringing me along) for possible togetherness.  The more he talked the smaller I became.  He damn near extinguished me. Every time I think about that mess and the time it took for me to burn brighter and put his ass out, I crack up laughing. I AM A SMART WOMAN! How could I have been such a fucking fool?

I was a fool because I was more into "what might be" rather than being in "what is" Oh I knew better, I just didn't do better.  So know I get it fully.

I am enough. and there is someone who will dig everything about me...WITHOUT CRITICISM.  And he will come with his own accomplishments and successes. I've learned that you can't build someone up from scratch.  Their life reflects their efforts, their fears and their courage. I need and want someone who has courage and faith.

I was mad for a bit... mad at my own handiwork in that doomed relationship. Mad that I allowed it to go on...doing my best to craft it into a love for the ages. Ha!  So now I am laying that down.  Yes I did this reflection months ago.  But I've done some more work on this...soul searching and truth telling.  It was never about him... it was always about what I allowed. That's where I've been the biggest fool.

I am relaxing into a different phase around love and dating. I am not changing shit and I don't mean that in a defiant way. I mean I am not going to invite or allow anyone to criticize me, as if I am not the guru of my own life. That's it. So love. I am. Come for me.

My Lenten Journey: Persevere, Perservere. Love and Laugh. Rejoice.

"When Climbing a steep hill a person is often more conscious of the weakness of their stumbling feet than of the view, the grandeur, or even of their own upward progress. Persevere, persevere. Love and laugh. Rejoice....excerpt from March 31, Love's Offering, GOD Calling Journal

The challenge is always for me not to be so focused on the struggle that I miss the view.  That life is unfolding no matter what is happening both chaotic and serene. God waits for me to come and seek him.  To listen. To pray.  To meet God in silence. In that silence I am reminded that looking inward is not just closing one's eyes, but noticing the inner movement of God as I admire the roses... and the lilies of the field. I have come to realize that closing my eyes isn't what's always needed. Sometimes it's taking a deep breath on a busy street corner and noticing Christ in all that walk past me. There is so much beauty moving in the world.  I see the beauty of people and places that I often miss if I am not deliberately seeking to notice GOD.

God shows up more in my laughter. God shows up happy when I am rejoicing in the ordinary and mundane. God shows up as I show up in whatever state of mind I am in... God meets me there. And lately I've grown tired of showing up for GOD sad, destructive, defeated, angry, hurt, mean, desperate and guilty and ashamed. I am leaving the bulk of that mess on the side of the road... too heavy to carry any further. In laying down those burdens.  I am actively seeking joyous, spirited, abundant interactions with GOD. The inner movements call me to be grateful for the breath I take. I've squandered too many breaths on meaningless foolishness that didn't serve me or God. I am choosing Joy. It suits me. Happiness and love and laughter are at my core and that is where I want to dwell.

Even my prayers will reflect my joy... not begging and desperate and fevered. Prayers of gratitude for undeserved grace. Prayers for the world, my circle of friends and family and for strangers.

I am entering into my era of love and laughter. Rejoicing!

True Love Tuesday: It's Not About Him At All

It is so easy to allow myself to go back down the road toward mess. My Ex is being his classic self and I refuse to respond to it.  I refuse to feed into.  I refuse to sink to that level.

I own my mind, heart and soul.  I get to decide how I want to feel or behave in any situation.  I am choosing peace.  As I look back on our history together it is filled with him always going for the jugular.  Always drawing blood first.  He is who he is and I accept that.  we are no longer wedded to each other.  He has a new Mrs. Not-Me.  This isn't about him and what he has done to me.  This is about me staying in grace and truly knowing that I control my being.

I have learned that people need you to stay in your role so that they remain in theirs.  When you break out, it creates a shift.  The shirt forces everyone in the vicinity to look at how they are living.  I get this.  So when my Ex does his hot-headed thing, I used to add to the drama by meeting him in that space. He could depend on me playing my role and it gave justification to why he was doing what he was doing (treating me like shit, walking away from the kids for periods of time).  I have no desire to be that women doing that dance with him.  I have no desire to remain tied to that mess.  I see it for what it is and I am not seduced by trying to get him to see my point.  I am not interested in getting him to see things my way. I am not interested in repairing his relationship to the world. Yes I did a lot of heavy lifting in that marriage for all the wrong reasons and at the expense of my own personal growth and faith walk.  I had no idea what love could be and should be like.  I, like so many folks had a fairy tale notion of happily-ever-after.  I had no idea of the real intimate work that is required.

Wait I did have an idea of love.  My intuitive self called for it.  I saw glimpses of it and I was and am drawn to a deep and abiding love.  A love that begins from within.  My inner-light attracts love. I believe that is how I became a mother, I attracted these children.  This is how I am falling and growing into love with JMD.  He already carries this light of love and has been waiting for me to mature and join him. Indeed, I am running toward us!

It is stunning sitting at this vantage point and seeing life unfold.  I have had the tests, now I am learning the lessons.  It's not about him, or them, or they. It's not even about my Ex.  It is about me and God.  It is about a fullness and richness to my life that I design and create.  It is about clearing my mind of clutter and allowing love to fill all the spaces.

It is not about him at all.  My heart has no desire to engage anyone at the dramatic level (unless you fuck with my kids, then I'll have to cut you).  I am not holding onto any perceived wrong-doings.  The role I want for myself is one of peace and joy and love.  And the only way to get it is to behave my way there.

My Favorite Book Of The Moment: Brothers(& Me) By Donna Britt

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this book!  If you are looking for a great gift to give a Sister (other women too) this would be a great one to get!  It is a memoir and a book on tapping into your own self analysis.

I had the pleasure of chatting with her on LoveTALK...see my blogtalk button on the right and take a listen.

Brothers ( & Me) A Memoir of Loving and Giving is a rich story of love, forgiveness and reflection. Get it, give it and LOVE IT!

Donna Britt

Wherever My Heart Goes, My Head Must Come Along

I am daring to be transparent in my loveship.  I am going to share my feelings of what has been plaguing me since the beginning of the possibility of marriage.  I have resentments that need to be addressed, otherwise things will fester and grow and become larger than life.  Do I say what's bothering me?, or do I suck it up and let it go?  The answer is tell the truth.  If you love someone you owe them the truth.  If you love yourself you owe yourself the truth.

I have given him money every time he asked.  He seems to be in a financial bind all the time.  He is a damsel in distress and I am the Knight charging in to rescue him (and I don't have shit to give).  It's been over 2 years and he is still wrestling with the issues he was dealing with when we were young back in the day.  He is living in Baltimore sharing an apartment with an old friend.  The other day he was whining about getting his own place because of (insert any issue).  And yet he easily finds fault with my choices and my decisions.  Now all of this is petty and background noise because for the most part he is a man who is kind and generous and cares deeply for people.  He wrestles his inner demons better than most and I love the way he is very God centered.

I know he is struggling.  I know he is kicking himself for all the missed and lost opportunities to further his education, make more money and have better relationship with his kids.  We all are harder on ourselves than the world could ever be on us.  He is my friend and I care deeply about his well being.  If I say yes to a commitment will I be making a huge mistake? And can I get past my own fears and insecurities?

I am going to share these feeling with him in a loving even toned way.  I want to talk openly and honestly about what my fears are and what I see as I look to the future with him.  He is there and i am here so nothing has a sense of urgency or can happen all at once.  Plans would have to be considered, made and implemented.  Could we join our lives together? 

I do know that wherever I follow my heart my head must also come along.  I am too mature to be simple minded.  I am not a stupid woman.  And I am not trying to be so quick to judge.  We could be great together and we could realize all our dreams.  We could be each others soul mate and live happily ever after in friendship, harmony and love.  We could commit to being committed and work at Us 25/8.  The possibilities of love are endless, it just all depends on what I am willing to do on my part and what I am willing to support on his part.

We shall see.

MISH-MASH...IT'S CLEAR TO ME

I feel like I have been dragged back to my past with the folks that have shown up in the last year.  I do not think they were meant to stay.  I think they stayed around long enough to give me the message that I can't go back.  But I needed to go back to see just how far I have come.  God is saying look you have survived that, now look ahead to your right now.  And you can't make someone into your ideal when they have tremendous work to do on their own.  You can't love someone into being or becoming your soul mate.  They gotta come ready and equipped and open for love.

I gotta shed some folks and some of them are family.  I don't mean cut them out of my life. I mean I gotta push them out of my circle and love them from a distance.  I am tired of spending time with folks who don't have the same mindset as I do.  Their idea of fun was fun but now I am longing for something else.  I have always had that feeling, but I squashed it. Maybe because I wanted to belong and be accepted somewhere. Maybe I was too lazy to go and find my tribe.  I am not suggesting I am better than anyone. I just know that what I am doing is not what I want to be doing.  So it's an all out sprint to my dreams.

I love this question: What Would You Do If You Knew You Couldn't Fail? I gotta go and answer this. I gotta put some purpose and direction in my action....take action on all fronts.  There is something stirring...or better still, I am listening to what's stirring inside. It is time to move in that direction. To listen and respond by doing and moving. I don't have eons to get this.  There is a sense of urgency but not desperation. The more I begin to embrace this changing mindset the more I feel at home in it. 

This may seem like a mish-mash of things,but to me I am feeling very clear.  It is all coming together like pieces of a puzzle.  I just have to remain open to listening and then acting upon the message and the direction. I've done a lot of the hard work already.  I have thrown myself to the wolves.  I have been raked over the coals. I have walked through fire. I have bent over backwards. I have played the fool.  I have been a villain. I have been shamed. I have been at the end of my rope. I have fallen from grace. I have been abandoned. I have been hurt. I have been rescued. I have been sold. I have been fucked and fucked over. I have been on my knees in pain and in pleasure. I have called on God every hour of everyday in love and in anger.

There is nothing for me now but to head the call and send of God. There is nothing that I want, except to make this life of use. To take this life and let it be a ministry.  As I sit, the way becomes clearer. I don't know what it means yet.

What is clear is that I am listening.

AT A CROSSROADS? MAYBE NOT.

Maybe the thing to do when you're at a crossroads is to stay right where you are.  Bloom, thrive, grow, blossom right where you are.  Maybe the choices ahead are not choices you need to make.  Maybe the universe is saying where you are is where you ought to be.  Until 5:00am this morning I believed that moving forward meant moving up or down the road.  I believed that to move forward meant I had to physically move.  When I realized that moving forward isn't about geography, but rather inner peace, commitment, discipline and willingness to clear my mind, I was totally blown away.

When Dorothy came to a crossroad, she asks "which way Toto?"  but in the end you realize she always had the power to go home.  She never had to go to Oz.  But for some of us we go to Oz because we don't get the fact that we have the power....right where we are.  We think because we are at a crossroads, that the thing to do is to choose one path over another.  But I am saying no.  The choice can also be to stay.

Running from life (insert problems, pain, fear, success, etc) often masquerades as crossroads.  I have run away from things, people, places under the guise of making different choices.  But the reality was and is, is that I just couldn't deal with whatever it was causing my pain.  I could not press on, get through or move forward...or so I thought.  As I look back I realize I was just running.  Pain, fear and vulnerability will do that.  You look for another place to be where you think all the pain, fear, and vulnerability won't be. I believed if I just move somewhere else, I will be different. But I learned that everywhere I go, there I am!

Right where I am is the place to be and that moving forward is a state of mind and consciousness.  The crossroads that I periodically find myself are not simply questions of which way.  But more like where am I and how am I?  The power to move forward rests solely in my thinking.  Right here is right where I am supposed to be today.

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: FEELING GOOD!

The house is clean and 75% de-cluttered (basement & linen closet need work).  I have put out my small collection of Fall decorations.  The geraniums on the front steps are still blooming.  I am feeling good.

I have been sticking to my work out/weight training program.  I feel great.  If I keep this up results are sure to follow!  I am feeling good.  It's been a long time coming.  I haven't felt this good through and through in a very long time.  My thoughts have been positively positive!  I am feeling good.

I do believe I have turned another corner in my large lived life. I feel the presence of God just moving me forward with a gentle push.  I am still standing in grace.  I know how far I've come.  I remember just a short while ago, my mind and heart were in a dangerously low place and I was deathly afraid. It seems long ago, but it wasn't, so I must be mindful to protect and nurture this good feeling.

These are the sweetest days.  The air is crisp, the leaves are turning and I am dreaming of holiday feasts with family and friends.  Love is all around and I swear I can taste it!

I am falling in love with living again.

PARTIALLY NAKED...

I am asking the question: what does it take to be in love? To be committed to someone?  I find myself grasping to define this for myself.  I want to be in love and I want to be committed, but...and there is a but, at what cost?  There is a giving up of something...bad habits, routines, excuses.  There is much to be gained when love is right, at its best. 

Maybe the question ought to be what am I willing to do?  What am I willing to become for love?  I am finding that when you bring your whole self to someone you have to be willing to be open to their whole self coming to you and sometimes, a lot of times, they have a different world view of this very loveship that you both are in. Oh boy.  It's hard if you are willing to delve further into growing and blending.  What makes it hard is the changing that happens from within.  It is hard to be naked in the company of someone else.  If you see all your flaws they see them too.  And sometimes the flaws seem so big and nasty that you want to turn away so therefore you say to yourself, that other person who says they love you would find the flaws equally repulsive.  This is how we talk ourselves out of love.  This is how we build walls around ourselves. We listen to what we think is some bizarre truth when really its our fears.

So I am partially naked.  I am in love, but not in the motion of loving.  I am not fully invested in the work.  Not that I can't do the work.  I am afraid.  It is amazing how fear of pain will stop you.  I am talking mental, emotional pain.  The pain that comes when you open yourself up to someone and they take residence in your heart and then decide they no longer want to dwell there. I know this pain.  I can't go back.  But at the same time you have to press on and open your heart otherwise your just dead and unfulfilled and lonely.  To me that's worse than any pain experienced.  So I am standing here partially naked.  Should I strip bare? Or get dressed?  Always asking the questions: "Who am I  and what do I want?

LELAH HATHAWAY W/JOE SAMPLE...WHEN YOUR LIFE WAS LOW

This is one of the most amazing songs ever! I love it. I only heard it for the first time today. It is a haunting, sombering song and OH YEAH Joe Sample too! GOSH this is LUSH!



Always remember my friend,
the world will change again.
And you may have to come back
through everywhere you've been.

When your life was low,
you had nowhere to go.
People turned their backs on you,
and everybody said that you were through.

I took you in, made you strong again
put you back together.
Out of all the dreams you left along the way,
you left me shining.

Now you're doing well
from stories I hear tell.
You own the world again.
Everyone's your friend.

Although I never hear from you,
still it's nice to know
you used to love me so,
when your life was low.

I took you in. I made you strong again.
I put you back together.
Out of all the dreams you left along the way,
you left me shining

Now you're doing well
from stories I hear tell.
You own the world again.
Everyone's your friend.

Although I never hear from you,
still it's nice to know
you used to love me so,
you used to love me so,
when your life was low.

But always remember my friend,
the world will change again.
And you may have to come back
through everywhere you've been.
The world will change again.

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: CHEERING MYSELF ON!

Once I get out of my funky-ness and pick my chin up off the ground I am my own best cheerleader. I have learned over the course of my life that whatever motivation I need it has to resonate from inside. I love stories from inspiring people. I love words to adopt as my mantras. At the end of the day I have to make the move to rise above
adversity...crisis...challenges...broken heart...sadness...lonliness...aloneness...anger...

Some days rising above is hard, near impossible. And then I realize I have all the tools I need to get up and shine! I have a faith that continues to deliver. GOD is with me, whom shall I fear? I am a mother, that alone makes me fearless. I have a tight circle of friends who remind me of who I am. I have myself, my heart, my mind, my desire to love. It is my desire to love that propels me forward. The love that I want isn't unattainable or out of reach. There are moments that I am distracted and lose sight of love all around. My weary blues are examples of taking my eyes off the prize and forgetting who's child I am. I am a child of God. Deserving of love unconditionally.

I need my circle of friends. I need the love of the people who fuel me daily. I am a woman made for love. That is my greatest motivation. I am cheering myself on this day. I summoning all my strength to face the winds of challenge and change.

I AM A SOLDIER OF LOVE...

Love this song. Love the statement that is makes.



I've lost the use of my heart
But I'm still alive
Still looking for the life
The endless pool on the other side
It's a wild wild west
I'm doing my best

I'm at the borderline of my faith,
I'm at the hinterland of my devotion
In the frontline of this battle of mine
But I'm still alive

I'm a soldier of love.
Every day and night
I'm soldier of love
All the days of my life

I've been torn up inside (oh!)
I've been left behind (oh!)
So I ride
I have the will to survive

In the wild wild west,
Trying my hardest
Doing my best
To stay alive

I am love's soldier!

I wait for the sound
(oooh oohhh)

I know that love will come (that love will come)
Turn it all around

I'm a soldier of love (soldier of love)
Every day and night
I'm a soldier of love
All the days of my life

I am lost
But I don't doubt (oh!)
So I ride
I have the will to survive

In the wild wild west,
Trying my hardest
Doing my best
To stay alive

I am love's soldier!

I wait for the sound

I know that love will come
I know that love will come
Turn it all around

I'm a soldier of love
I'm a soldier

Still waiting for love to come
Turn it all around
(4x)

I'm a soldier of love
I'm a soldier

Still waiting for love to come
Turn it all around
(3x)

Still waiting for love to come

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: START STOP ON OFF ON... AGAIN

There are some amazing self-help books out there. I've read so many I am dizzy. Well worth it. I've absorbed a lot. I had many an ah-ha moment with a lot of them. I've seen myself in more books than I care to tell. But now is the time to put away the books and live my truth. Love my way through my life.

After awhile the books become a crutch...one more will give me the answer...the next one will be the THE ONE... answers all my prayers, transforms all my flaws and wipe away all my fears...or at least tell me how! Same thing with Sister-friends, calling them and talking about my man, my fears, my shit. It all has to cease. I have to step into my love with the tools and heart I have. There is no trying, only DOING!

If I want love than I have to say that clearly and honestly and openly. Without games, reservations, fear and bullshit. I gotta bring my worth and strength to the table. I gotta give in order to receive. No more of I need you to Love me first...more...better. I gotta take the chance on love and be more than willing to be let him in. He is not my enemy. He has not come to do me harm. I know what that looks like. I know bad men when I see them. He is certainly not one of them. He speaks truth to power. He does not lie...ever. He is clear about what he wants, needs and desires. He has asked very little of me. He adores me.

I stare at him. He is beautiful and graceful. He looks at me deeply and holds my gaze. He is penetrating this exterior wall...I am working from the inside out. I love him.

Loving him means loving me first and sharing who I am. Not giving up myself. But working to make myself better...not for him but inspired by him. I am listening with my heart for a change. Tuning out the hum of fear.

We start. Stop. We're on. Off. Again, we embrace this love. Doing our best to nurture and protect this love.

...the love story continues.

Always asking the questions: WHO AM I? WHAT DO I WANT?

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: TRUTH

All that I can do is grow. Accept the fact that I was wrong, petty, small minded, arrogant, superior acting, mean-spirited and disrespectful. Then when that's all acknowledged MOVE FORWARD. Move forward with a better sense of who I want to be and who I know to be in love. Fear can show up in so many disguises that we won't recognize it for the devil that it is. We call them old habits. Mistakes of lovers pasts, old wounds that have not healed sufficiently.

We never fully surrender to anything because we don't trust anything...not even our own hearts and minds. We walk the world hoping that the next love affair will be different. How can it be if we are not? The love we make over and over will be the same drama played out in the arms of a different lover. UNTIL we get still and real with ourselves.

Truth is always there even when we are not. The truth is always there even if we turn a blind eye. The truth is always there. The truth is for me the lesson of learning to be vulnerable. To allow someone to not only love me, but love me enough to help, guide, direct and push me. We all have our weapons of mass distraction. Our ways to fend off intimacy and closeness. We have gotten good at killing off love affairs before the hard part sets in. We enjoy the honeymoon and get out before the reality of loving under daylight sets in.

I am understanding this now. Always asking the questions: Who Am I? and What Do I Want?
The Love Story continues...

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: BUIDLING A BONDING LOVE PART 1

I am a talker. I love to talk...to anyone...everyone at any time on any subject under the sun. Sometimes I have a good grasp of the topic, others times I am just fascinated and want to know more. What I am not good at is talking about my inner soul; what fuels my passions and sets my heart on fire in a loveship. I can absolutely write them, blog them and yes of course capture my thoughts in a diary. But to sit across from my beloved and speak the words that dwell in my heart...hhmmm NO! I am not afraid on the surface, its just for me to speak these thoughts out loud is indeed frightening to my core.

So how do you build a bonding love if you cannot speak clearly and consciously about what it is you say you want? Perhaps what I am talking about is trust and being in a safe place to speak my heart and mind. I am fond of saying "love waits on welcome...not on time" from the Course in Miracles. Well I have invited love in and it needs nurturing. Perhaps what I am talking about is barring one's soul and asking someone else to see you as you are in the brightest light possible...that may or may not be flattering. This is a big deal for me. I am being asked to do something that I've never been asked to do before... be open...communicate and reach for love at the highest level.

We all know that communication is critical in loveships. It is necessary as a tool to convey anything at all in life. But how do we bare our soul and give voice to the very thing that scares us? We are drawn to Love's light because it is comforting and restorative. We know the richness of a bonding love and its power to redeem us, revitalize us and rescue us. We know that we need it and yet we cower in its shadow as if the brightness of love would burn us. If only we would remember love does not hurt.

I am being stretched in my heart and mind and there is nothing to do but be stretched. There is no turning back. I am being prepared for the grandest of love. I am seeing myself in Love's light and it is a me I've never seen before. I want to continue to excavate this me. I want to see where this journey of building a bonding love takes me. My beloved is patient and generous in spirit and action and love. I require that kind of care and hope to return its favor.

I am asking deeply and lovingly Who Are You and What Do You Want?

The Love Story continues...

LOVETALK

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ANGELA BISHOP ROSS

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TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: THE LOVE INVESTMENT

It costs something whether you stay or walk away. It hurts all the same no matter what you do. So perhaps what to do is to press on. Maybe just up ahead the way becomes smoother. You won't know until you press on...keep it moving. Love does not hurt. What hurts are the decisions we make in love, that have nothing to do with love at all. It has everything to do with personal baggage and clouded thinking and yes fear.

Love only requires that you be ready and open to receive it. Love waits on welcome not on time....A Course in Miracles. Love does not desert us...we desert love. Love itself is not hard. What is hard is relinquishing your control of whatever you think you might have. It is about self preservation. Who the hell wants to be hurt? But here's the thing, if you don't invest in love then life itself is meaningless.

Investing in love requires a commitment to stay in it. Stay connected, to tear down all your barriers and safety nets. It requires you to reach for each other in nakedness of thought, soul and being. You have to suspend doubt. You have to forgive everyday, every hour, every minute. We are human and we choose badly all the time. We run away, we fuck up, we trip, we fall, we get back up. Love never dies. Love never ends. Love says I wait for you to invite me in.

Love has arrived and I am inviting it in. It is more than I could have dreamed up and yet not enough. I have to be in love for its sake and do what love requires...welcome it. Invest in it fully. This is new ground for me. There are no maps. What I knew of love before does not apply here in these moments. I am a new woman in love. I am brave and afraid all at once. I am happy and apprehensive. It is my path. I am growing. I am challenging hard earned beliefs and whatever happens I will be renewed.

I am answering the questions: Who are you? and what do you want?

The LOVE STORY continues...

LOVETALK

TODAY 12:30PM EST

DR. LEAH AKA THE "SANITY FAIRY"

SINGLEMOMMYHOOD.COM

BREAKING UP WITH THE RIGHT PERSON

718-766-4895

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: LIVING LOVE

At some point all your self analysis and personal development has to be played out in real life. You have to begin to live all the things you want. If love is what you say you want then you have to be that love and live it! All the things we desire in our hearts have to be lived. We have to move from imagination and dreams to real life.

I had decided that Mr. Love was not the man for me. I decided this because I was being a self-righteous brat and a coward. I wanted to have my way. Well I can't have my way when it involves someone else. There has to be give and take...harmony. Fortunately for me, Mr. Love did not put any stock into my declaration of him not being "The One" especially since my 1985-88 journals proclaim him to be "The One" (yes we had a great time rereading all the journal entries pertaining to him).

He has a great deal of courage and foresight about how he wants to live. I admire that a great deal. A man who charts his own course. A man who has a clear vision of how he needs to live on a day-to-day basis. I want to live this vision for myself. I want to live love this way. It is amazing how what I needed has come. The key for me is to pay attention to what is and not what is or is not said between us.

We have to go from discernment to action. At some point we must put away the books of inspiration and go about the business of living love.

The Love Story contines....

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: FLAWS & PERFECTION

I really don't like to believe that relationships are hard. I rather like to believe that with love and a willing spirit any obstacle can be overcome. It is not relationships that are hard, it is our own mess that make relationships hard. I am not suggesting folks stay in mess and try to love through it. I am talking about that internal voice that whispers this is not what you want.

What is in front of me is lovely but it is not without its challenges. I have my deal breakers that are absolutes. But what about the little petty things? Those little annoyances that make a seemingly grand picture flawed. Maybe I am too much for perfection and not enough for reality. And God knows looking at my life's choices one would not think perfection.

We are all flawed. Does the greater qualities cancel out the lesser ones? Do I over look, or better still do I make room for the things that are not smooth. Love asks only that we welcome it. It doesn't say pick apart the vessel in which love shows up to get to the parts that are divine. All love is divine including the vessel.

The Love Story continues....