Monday, March 25, 2013

My lenten Journey: Choosing Sacred Over Personal

I already know what makes me happy.  What I want to focus on is what makes me holy.  The actions, the deeds, the thinking and the spirit.  This is a level of spirit maturity that I want to lean into.  How do I define holiness?  How do I make holiness apart of my everyday practical life?

I am not talking about what most are used to... judgement, categories of sin, holier-than-thou mess.  I am talking about real spiritual maturity, where I have no judgements and that my only interest in mankind is that we all love each other.  Love is the bond between me and God, me and my kids, me and my lover, me and the world.

Holiness is the holding of all relationships as sacred, whether I like the person, the object, the place, space or not.  It is well above like or tolerance.  Choosing the sacred over the personal.  Rising above the pettiness of all things that separate me from God.

Monday, March 18, 2013

My Lenten Journey: Fall In Love... Is Everything

Nothing is more practical than finding God, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way.  What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.

It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evening, how you spend your weekends, what you read, whom you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.  Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.  
Fr. Pedro Arrupe, S.J. General of the Society of Jesus (as quoted in Everything Belongs, by Richard Rohr)

Friday, March 15, 2013

My Lenten Journey: Let It Go

I am one of those people who will keep at something if I feel defeated.  I just keep fighting, or messin' with or hanging on to things.. people...situations that don't add any positive value to my life. I just want to make things right.  And in trying to make things right as I perceive it, I hold on way longer than is necessary. In my mind I keep thinking surely I can make this work... surely I can just be different, act different and it will be alright.  Sometimes the lessons of my life call for changes.  The struggles show up to point out where the growth ought to occur, or where I need to pay attention.  But I am also learning that there are some lessons that are teaching me to LET IT GO.  There are some situations, people and issues that drain the life out of me.  I just keep trying to plug the holes, when really all I need to do is pull the plug and let the water run out.  It seems so simple in hindsight. I am always amazed at how much time I have wasted trying to plug the holes.

I am closing my eyes, clearing my heart and I am letting it go.  God has my back. Christ went to the cross to take on all my burdens. If I believe this, then letting go is second only to breathing.

Monday, March 11, 2013

My Lenten Journey: My Inner Voice

It begins with trusting my own voice.  It is about having faith in who I am and the experiences I've had. People can express their opinions all day, but at the end of the day it's all about me and God and the conversation we have.

I know what it looks and feels like when someone wants to control me....own me.  I resist because it is unnatural and uncomfortable.  Growth is uncomfortable and positive and necessary.  I know how to tell the difference between inner growth and outer control.

God is all about the inner voice.  The inner growth.  This is where I want to be.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

My Lenten Journey: God's Illumination

Whatever I imagine the problem to be is all in my mind.  The only problem that I have is a separation from God.  God illuminates my path... just enough light for the one step forward and one more step forward and one more step forward.....

"God has lit your mind Himself, and keeps your mind lit by His Light because His Light is what your mind is."

— Excerpted from A Course in Miracles

Monday, March 4, 2013

My Lenten Journey: Choosing My Words Wisely

I am been hearing a lot about the words we speak.  Lately I have been hearing this message of using words to bless rather than harm.  This isn't a new message, but it is one that is haunting me at the moment.  So I gotta pause and heed what I am hearing.

God is still speaking.

This weekend was illuminating.  I saw my words harming.  I also so saw my words healing and blessing.  I am coming to realize that when my words are harming, I am not standing in the presence of God... or rather I am ignoring God's presence for my own shit.  I think I am right and justified at popping off at the mouth and I say what I think and feel regardless of their effect.   It is the effect that I am going for... to get attention, to shame, to belittle, to wound.  I think that this way is the way to change behavior.

I wrong.  I am out of order.  Hard words is not the way to go in love. Never Ever.

I want to be in God's presence always.  I must start to choose my words wisely.  In all things, I need to choose my words wisely.

God is still speaking.  So rather than be ashamed, I must change. Be deliberate in my efforts to speak lovingly.  I need to give up the excuse of rushing to judgement, or annoyance, or short-temper.  I have to change.  I have to be thoughtful about the way in which I use words to convey my thoughts and feelings.  I gotta check myself first.

This sacred time of preparedness applies to my everyday practical life.  Lent is about Christ's walk to the Cross, and it is also mine.  These are the burdens I am laying down.  The Journey continues.

Friday, March 1, 2013

My Lenten Journey: Laying Down My Cross(es)

I am using this sacred time to change some patterns of behavior and thinking that for years have driven my decision making.  I am finally accepting the fact I can't change other people's behaviors.  I have no power to fix anybody.  We all must carry our own cross and lay it down.  It is not my role or call to carry someone else's cross.  I cannot cajole, manipulate, or shame anyone into making decisions about their life that are acceptable to me.  I can't do that kind of heavy lifting anymore. And most importantly I gotta let go of the expectation of how I want someone else's life to be lived. 

This sacred time is all about preparation for the risen Christ.  How does that play out in my life?  How do I lay my burdens down and come to the world renewed and reborn.  This is my journey.  This is my charge.

Change is all around me... my body... my weight... my life.  I am not afraid, I am embracing the possibilities. This is indeed preparation for the best life possible.  Laying down my cross in all areas.  Deciding instead to dwell in the mystical garden of love.