Sunday, June 28, 2015

The Case For A Well Lived Life... Passions Abound.

I was mentioning to someone about the many passions I've enjoyed thus far on my life's journey. I've never had just one passion to drive me for my life's work. I've experienced a great many things that I had great love for and moved on from. I was passionate about working with folks affected and effected by sexual assault. I was passionate about delivering meals to folks living with HIV/AIDS. I was passionate about working with women survivors of domestic violence. I was passionate about politics and being elected to office. I was passionate about all the nonprofit Boards I've served on. I remain passionate about raising the 4 children I adopted. I remain passionate about the Black Press. I am passionate about the Charter School Board I serve on. I am passionate about hyper-mass incarceration and my ability in lending my voice, talents and time to this effort.

I always believed  I could do and be anything and so I set out to do just that. My mother told me at a very young age and I just believed her my whole life. I am always baffled by people struggling to find that one great passion that answers the big question of why am I here? I tried searching for one great passion and I found for me, there's no such thing. I am passionate about a great many things. So I have come to accept and relish that about myself.

I am acutely aware of the sands of time... There is so much more I want to be and do and see. The older I get, the greater the desire to become more of who I am meant to be permeates my spirit. I know why I am here... to be Babz. To expand my mind. To raise children. To fall in love over and over and over until I die. To be a blessing to somebody. To do my part in working for love.

Today more than ever before, I am not stressed by the road ahead. I am not freaking out about what to do next. I have made peace with the allowing of things... my self... this body... my heart and the potential for love of another... As in partner. The wasting of time is not something I am interested in; not with people, or projects or pleasure. I can do or not do as I see fit.

My passions span a wide array of things from social justice, to personal development. I can track my growth on my life's timeline on the the things I was most passionate about. I like that. I am living a well lived life.





Wednesday, June 17, 2015

I No Longer Want To Claim Being Tired

It is a default mechanism... one of my own making. I toss out how tired I am without really speaking the truth about what really ails me. What passes for tiredness is really overwhelm and disorganization. I will honestly concede that I have way too many things on my plate at the moment.

Yes, more than likely this is the truth. However, I have this sense of urgency about doing all that I want to do. I know the problem isn't just being tired as much as it is disorganization and fear of success. There is always some kind of fear at the heart of things. I mean if I went to bed early as a person committed to taking better care, then a lot of my tiredness would go away. I am burning the candle at both ends. That ain't good nowhere, nohow not ever. And yet here I set in the wee hours of night, doing one more thing.

I need a tighter routine. I can see the fraying of edges. I can see where things are falling through the cracks and it is getting increasingly harder for me to juggle home, work, kids, their education, my social commitments, my civic duties and my dating life and everything else that I feel compelled to step into.

And to top it all off, I haven't been on a brisk walk or run for a couple of weeks. This is a priority intellectually, but not in reality. So what do I do? I bring my full attention to the matter. I make changes and I do better. Ha ha ha! Which really translates into another day going by without doing shit and them beating myself up until I make a new commitment to do better.Damn it I am doing that crazy roller coaster shit again. I am getting off.

Tomorrow a new plan is needed... It begins with my thinking. I gotta change my mind and make the necessary changes for my greater good. And yes, sacrifices must be made.

Actually the new plan begins tonight. I'm going to bed.






Sunday, May 31, 2015

There is No Time To Waste

I have no more time to waste. I have no more fucking time to waste on bullshit... Be it people, places or things. I am so conscious of my remaining time on earth that I want to do everything all at once.

I find myself weary of mundane conversations that have no real beginning or end. Just disheartening statements passing as sharing. I want to scream WHAT ARE YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS? Quit telling me about your fucked up job or your lame ass husband, or your miserable kids or your crazy neighbors. Who are you? And what do you want?

I was talking to a Sister this morning outside of church and I asked how are you? And she immediately claims, "I got drama... I'm in the middle of drama and when morning comes I find myself gasping for air" "It's the same mess as before"   Now I have sat with her a few times listening and providing a supportive voice. But here's the truth... She is not interested in doing what needs to be done to squash the drama. She believes that she can orchestrate the universe to her will. I understand. I used to be the same way, until the universe broke me and I had to change my life. I had to climb up out of mess. She is not ready. And time is moving on. And so I kept it moving too.

There is a sense of urgency that's fueling me. Not in a frenzied hurried state. It's a kind of energy that calls me to be open and awake. I am saying yes to my life in ways that often startle me. I am not reckless,  I  jump for joy at the things that bring me to nirvana. I am channeling that new found sensuality I discovered on Martha's Vineyard last summer...Inkwell Epiphanies: Martha's Vineyard Expanded My Groove. I feel good even in the throes of a few financial challenges. I am not twisted up or stressed. Concerned, yes and very mindful, and I am moving with clarity and confidence.

Babz is doing all right. Babz is falling in love with a great many things and it shows! I am not wedded to time as a construct that will be my undoing if I don't get shit done. What I hope I am conveying is that every moment I draw breath is special and divine. Oh so divine. And to waste any of it on bullshit is not what I want. There is no time to waste. Life beckons to be savored... Tasted for all its worth! This precious breath in this moment is the gift. The blessing really is the next breath if I get one. Do you see? There is no time to waste.


Wednesday, May 27, 2015

I'M SPEAKING AT #BLOGHER 15: EXPERTS AMONG US


I am THRILLED to be speaking at #BlogHer15: Experts Among Us

Event Date: 
July 18, 2015 - 10:30am - 11:45am
Conference Day: 
Day 2
Conference: 
#BlogHer15: Experts Among Us
Conference Track: 
Online Life and Culture
When You’re “Too Much” for Your Audience, Be It Your Profanity, Politics, or…
Speakers:
Sarah Ann Gilbert, Author
Thien-Kim Lam, I'm Not the Nanny
Babz Rawls Ivy, Lovebabz LLC
Contact me for friend and family discount! Would love to see you there!

Sunday, May 24, 2015

I do not Live In a Love Desert

I learned a big lesson over the last 48 hours. Those that believe there is not enough love for them will always try to drain you dry of your kindness and humanity.. I see where the lack shows up in people... I can see their fears taking over and they seem helpless in their ability to stop it.

There is enough love for all. There is enough love that we can give and receive to each other several times over.

I do not live in a love desert. I believe that love is boundless. I believe love transcends the ordinary and yet dwells in the ordinary.

I do not know of any way to be except to be in love. This is my deliberate choice. This is what makes me happy. When you are invited into my circle, it is done because I have fallen in love with you... Your spirit... Your energy.Your being speaks to all that is in me. It connects to all the good in me. Love is transforming and healing and liberating.

What I do not have the time for is drama... or the constant debating of what is lacking in any given situation in somebody's life. I cannot be the bearer of all that is lacking and broken in any one's life.

I do not live in a love desert. I live in a love oasis. I live in a love oasis. I live in a love oasis.

I have no problem dwelling on my own. The love I seek is seeking me. There is no rush. There is no desperation. I am the love I seek. I am the love of my life.

I do not live in a love desert. I do however live in a love oasis.




Thursday, May 14, 2015

Babz Showing Up As Babz

I never thought I wouldn't find love again. I never paid attention to all the talk around Black women and dating and finding marriageable Black men. I never had any qualms dating men from other ethnicity's. I have been open to love all along...sometimes to my detriment. As I look back I have always been open to love. What I haven't been was myself. What I have done was try to become something someone else wanted and needed with the hopes that some of what I wanted and needed would be met. I was WRONG! Oh so painfully wrong.

So I am showing up as myself. No sugar-coated version of me. No smoke, no mirrors. It's all coming forward with the light of day. I can't hide shit. I won't. This is who I am!

My name is Babz Rawls Ivy, I am 5'8', 264 lbs 268 lbs and I may never get to anything smaller. I have 4 kids I adopted. I am a felon. I hold a BS in Marketing. I have an MPA. I am a certified Spiritual Director. I have an impressive resume filled with community service. I have FOUR children who I happily raise. I am friends with my ex-husband and adore his new wife. I belong to a Sorority. I work as an Editor-in-chief for a Black newspaper. I drink... champagne, scotch, vodka, rum, wine, beer...Not all at once, but I drink. I like an occasional cigar... maybe every couple of years... certainly not often or on a regular basis. I like sports. I love live music. Jazz. Old school R&B. I'm a bit junky. I hate throwing things away.

My crazy is manageable. I am never going to check your cellphone, or follow you or wrangle my hands about who else you might be fucking. I will believe you until I don't. I cannot stand constant conversations about "this relationship". I like and need and want a LOT OF SEX. I like my own time alone without you.  I can't fuck with you if you don't read books. I can't fuck with you if you don't like good movies and by good movies I mean classic shit. I am not going to have petty arguments with you about which direction the toilet paper ought to roll. I am not going to be your mother. I am not going to handle your life. I am not going to tell you what to do.

I cuss. A lot. Not in public though and rarely around little kids. I believe in God. I have a strong religious foundation. You gotta have one too... believe in something other than your own bullshit.

I am without a doubt a loyal woman. I am fun. I am a great conversationalist. I can hang with just about anyone. I can go to any party and make myself at home. I have strong political views... very fucking liberal political views. I am an advocate for human rights, women and girls rights.

I am loud. I laugh loud. I am known to talk loud.

Babz is showing up as Babz forever more. At this point in my life authenticity is the new sexy. What I know for sure is that I am a particular kind of baddass woman who will only truly appeal to a particular baddass man. One who is sure of himself, manages his own life and shows up equally authentic. Someone who doesn't bring me their shit to solve, or their bills to handle, or their insecurities for me to magically resolve. Oh and has NO fucking baby-mama or ex-wife drama... keep that madness away from me.

From here on out I am showing up as me. That's it.

















Saturday, May 2, 2015

Happy Birthday To Me!

It's my 52nd Birthday!
I love the woman I am becoming!
I am enjoying this life... My life. I am glorious in my appreciation of my breath. I am in love with myself. All that I want I have at my core. I'm moving at a speed that suits me.
My opinion matters to me.
I am a Grown Woman happy. Whole. Beautiful.