Friday, July 31, 2009


Over and over I am brought to my knees because I allowed myself to be consumed by lack of money. When I come from a place of lack it means I am tight fisted and blocking my own blessings. I do not like having money be so important to me that when I am without it I am sad, depressed, and angry. And when I get money I am immediately happier, and joyful. Money shouldn't have that kind of power over me. It is my challenge to set myself free from that kind of slavery.

I have all that I need. Whatever financial challenges I have, requires me to be creative in my solutions and overcoming those challenges. I cannot allow the joy that resides in me to be diminished because of the lack of money. Money cannot have that kind of power over my well being. Instead of allowing what I lack become larger than life. I need to have some perspective and think about how to see my financial challenges differently.

Reading Dr. Wayne Dyer's book EXCUSES BEGONE! he says you originated in a world of abundance, which you unquestionably have the ability to access. He advocates shifting from I can't afford it to Whatever I need in the form of assistance to guide me in the direction of my life is not only available, but is on its way.

I am understanding that joy, happiness and love have nothing to do with lack or money. And that I need not link money to my feelings of profound joy, happiness and love. I just have to continue to believe and live the fact that what is needed will come. It always has.

The only power money should have is the ability to purchase things. That's it. Not make my day happy or sad. I control how I feel. My thoughts drive my feelings and I am changing my mind to change my life. Money is not an emotion and should not have emotional status. It is up to me and my thoughts to change my relationship with money. To allow money to respectfully return to a place of being a tool and not an emotional crutch with the power to affect my mood and how I move around the world.

Money is not an emotion.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


CONNECTION. COORDINATION. RESPONSE. Tango is about connecting intimately with your partner, the floor, the music. It is letting the body flow. It is responding to everything all at once. This is the Tao of Tango.

Last night I learned a new Tango step. I love the way I am learning to Tango. I am loving how I am yielding to the dance, the partners, the music. I am stepping onto the floor with more confidence. With each step I am committed to the dance. I am committed to the love of Tango.

We made love all night. We started well before midnight and finished with the morning pushing through the windows. There was no time or space where we existed. We were of one body...a continuation of a long running love story. Last night was different than all the nights before. This was a different passion. A surrendering of all that we are and all that we mean to each other. It was was was full circle.

The Tango requires that you open yourself up and let the music flow through you. You cannot resist the music, the feel of the sensual. If you do resist, you are not dancing the Tango. It is forceful. It is bold. It is masculine and feminine. It is living life with passion.

The passion between us remains explosive...but not violent. It is sensual and tender. It is comforting and safe. I am at home in his arms in a way that I have never been with anyone ever. It is profound this sense of passion and joy. It makes me strong and not needy. It makes me be bold and not insecure.

The Tango speaks to living with passion and joy and harmony and balance.

The Love Story continues...

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


Loving someone requires you to hear things about yourself that will hurt. If the person loves you and supports you, then their observations of your life will come wrapped in love and support. I am not talking about tearing someone down, or manipulating their feelings so you can keep them under your thumb. I am not talking about people who talk to you with foul intentions, abusive in nature and mean in delivery. I am talking about lovingly helping someone become the best possible them they can be.

Seeing yourself through someone else's eyes can be tricky. It requires trust and high self esteem. You gotta know who you are and be willing to hear the analysis without feeling like you are being attacked or criticized unfairly. This is where it becomes hard for me. I am still carrying some baggage...albeit small carry-ons of my former marriage. In that marriage criticism was often brutal and mean spirited. So if I think you are attacking me then I retreat.

What I am learning (thanks to my blood sister Lo & Sister-friend JB) is that I have to stand in the space of fear and stare it down in this new found loveship. This MAN is not THAT man. The woman I am today is the not the same woman yesterday. There has been growth and meaningful self analysis. I am loving the way that I am coming to love right now.

Love stretches us to truth, to clarity to love deeper. I want to love deeper. In order to love deeper I have to be open and living with a full heart.

The Love Story continues....


Sunday, July 26, 2009


We are celebrating CHRISTMAS IN JULY! We would have done it yesterday but the children were scheduled to hang out with their Dad for the day. So today it's CHRISTMAS!


Friday, July 24, 2009


The only absolute I know is LOVE. I believe that in love that all things are possible. I am not talking about the dribble of so-called romantic love...although that has it place and rightfully so. I am talking about love that restores, strengthens and connects. Those that understand this know how to walk the earth in peace. Others that know this walk the world doing for the world.

For those of Us who believe in love absolutely we know that whatever chaos exists in the world and or in our lives, or around the corner all we have to do is stand in love and not be moved. Yes called to action, but not moved by fear. To stand in a state of Love absolutely requires a willingness to see the world and your place in it in a different way. It asks you to see the world from a place of love. To do so energizes each of us to reach out and connect with each other. To save the world means first seeing all the love in the world, even in the midst of great loss, sadness, hardship and great human suffering. We are each more than our worst moments.

Love absolutely asks us to move forward and live with a full heart. To take whatever comes and embrace the what is. Not settle for less than all the best love has to offer.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Body Language. Eyes up, no looking at your feet. There is nothing to see on the floor. The way to move is to wait for the direction from your partner. Read body language...this is The Tao of Tango.

So we are abstaining from making love for 14 days. Discipline. Clarity. Catching one's breath. We are consumed with passion. We are each others ignition. He wants this to be something real. I already know and believe in the realness of Us. He does too, but he wants certainty. He wants absolutes. I know there are no absolutes. But there is divinity and what is meant for you won't get by you. So I am surrendering to his declarations.

Gauchos in Tango requires the woman to kick. The Man must not only guide you into the gaucho, but he has to set his body in order to receive the kick. You have to read body language, you have to be in tuned to your partner. You have to be in the foot off the ground all the time. He has to move you, pivot you, direct you.

I love his reasons for taking this loveship to the next level. He is serious. He has always been serious. He is a very grounded soul. Wise beyond his years. He is pragmatic as I am a dreamer. He is a task master where I am a free spirit. He is a man for a map where I will follow where the day takes me. What binds us, roots us, connects us is the passion. We balance each other. I am not afraid of him. He has always been a safe meaning no harm will come to me by his hand. No harsh words will he ever speak to me. He wasn't raised that way nor is it in his nature. He loves me from the highest place in his soul. He loves me from the deepest recesses of his heart. He is for me and I am for him.

To Tango is to live with passion. There is no way to dance this dance and not feel the music, the pace of your partners heart moving you across the floor. The thing about Tango is that it keeps your full attention. There is no quitting, only more dancing.

So He is making room for me. He is including me in his dreams, his right now and his future. There is nothing for me to do but follow. I happily follow.

The Love Story continues....

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


What I have learned in the course of my big extraordinary life so far is LOVE IS ENOUGH.

For all the madness in the world LOVE IS ENOUGH to heal, restore, and change hearts and minds. But I don't have to look to the world for examples of madness, chaos and drama. I can look at my community or my family, and in my own life. I have decided a long time ago when I started on this journey of personal discovery and enlightenment that love will be the strongest foundation to build upon. LOVE IS ENOUGH and I have found evidence and examples of that over and over again. It is my best belief.

My love and friend of 35 years is struggling with his life choices. He is pushing forward with a plan that does not allow for love. He is determined to retreat from the world to find solitude and peace. I told him I do not have the luxury of running away. I have to be accountable to 4 little angels who need me 24/7. That seemed to give him food for thought. I could see his mind turning. You see I said If your heart and mind aren't free it doesn't matter where you do is still prison. Discontent in our spirit colors everything. It affects how we interact with each other. It messes with our sensibilities. When we truly choose to believe LOVE IS ENOUGH then our lives can become what we dreamed. We press forward knowing that we have all we need for the journey ahead and we can stand in this moment with a full heart.

He knows God has sent him to me because I know something about living with a full heart. God sent him to me because I know something about overcoming despair. God sent him to me because I know and believe LOVE IS ENOUGH.

The Love Story continues...

Today 12:30pm est

Monday, July 20, 2009


I do know that whatever happens I will be alright. I posses a deep and abiding faith in the healing and restorative power of God. Love sustains and heals, nurtures and grows. I live this.

This beautiful Love Story that is unfolding day by day with my dearest friend of 35 years is a prime example of Love all around. I did not see him coming, but he certainly is and was what I needed in this moment. In this moment. I am not sure if he is the one to end my days with. I am sure of the enduring friendship. We move ourselves forward with open hearts if we are brave enough to allow what is to come to come. It is hard to be still and let love be. We are each human beings and as such we are used to putting our handiwork into things. We believe we just can't leave things to chance. Love does not asks us to do anything accept live with a full heart.

I was prepared to speak from a different place this morning and in my drive back home from dropping off the children I realized that I was thinking from a place of fear and lack. I was clearly not holding onto my faith or having faith in the universe's ability to present to me all that I need and want without struggle. So for me this morning it is about standing in the space of being more than alright regardless of the challenges, fears and insecurities.

I am standing in the space of more than alright. I will be more than alright no matter what comes around, what goes away. I am holding that thought...belief as my meditation today. So when I find myself fearful of what I don't have, or what I lack this will bring me back to abundance.

I am always asking the question: WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Yes, the Love Story continues....

Friday, July 17, 2009


No one can manage the world alone. There those who try and are quite successful for awhile. No one should spend their time in the company of folks who don't lift their spirits, but so many do and explain the reason for their unhappiness with clear, concise points. We can tolerate mess, but run from real love.

We will jump through hoops for lovers who have nothing in common with us except neediness. But when real love walks up to us and introduces itself, we are unsure...afraid. Is it because we have been so needy for so long? We've been mis-treated for so long that when it all changes for the better we are stunned. We are used to the pain and often humiliation. We are used to begging. We are used to auditioning, convincing and settling for love or what we think is love.

It requires a great deal of faith, strength and courage to allow love to come and set up residence in your heart. You have to listen with you heart and mind and squash the world of naysayers and internal critics. Love asks that you give up happily managing loneliness. Faith in love calls you to wait and believe that as you do your internal growth work, your best self will attract who you are. Strength in love calls us to be still and allow love to emerge. Courage in love calls us to be open and vulnerable. Not vulnerable to being hurt or being treated any kind of way, but open to the spirit of another who has your best interest at heart.

The question begs to be asked...WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


INTENSE. You have to get into the intensity of the dance, your partner, the music, the drama of it all. You have to be fearless. You have to trust your body and allow it to be seduced. This is the Tao of Tango.

It is indeed intense with us. More intense than I could have ever dreamed up. We are explosive. We are gentle. I have never in my life felt this kind of passion. My body responds as if it has a will of its own. He catches me off guard. He sees me. He sees me in ways that so many did not, could not, would not. He asks if I am trying to blow his mind...truth be told he is blowing mine.

Tango is more intense than I thought possible. I knew of the history and I have been in awe as well as inspired by those who dance the Tango. It is the most seductive dance and greedily requires you to surrender. I surrender. I am surrendering.

He loves me. Always has. I love him. Always have. Our friendship transcends time and space. That will not change...this love. What looms on the horizon is how to join our lives. Should we join our lives. Perhaps the intensity will burn out and we will leave each other to our lives. Perhaps the intensity will bond hot molten steel constructing a new foundation which to build upon.

I am committed to the Tango. It speaks to my sexual feminine. I feel like a woman in love.

I am a woman in love.

The Love Story continues...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Inspired by one of my favorite blog sisters, Kay C, The Quiet Storm On Her blog she posted the question asked by a commenter to her blog post Answers to Who are you, and what do you want?


Beyond the basic human needs of food shelter and clothing, what do I need? What do I need to make my life better? What do I need to have more love, joy, happiness? I am clear about what I want. But what I need? seems to be tricky and illusive. Sure I can rattle off a laundry list of things needed. I can articulate all the things I need done in my home and in my yard. Hell I can even tell you want needs to be done to my car. What I think this question asks is a much more deeper concern. I believe this question asks me to dig deeper and wrestle with what love, joy and happiness means to me. I need those things. I NEED LOVE, JOY AND HAPPINESS. So then in needing those things I have to define them for myself and articulate what LOVE, JOY AND HAPPINESS looks like. If I have no idea what they look like then how pray tell will I recognize them when they arrive? This warrants further discernment and meditation.

What do you need?

Who are you and what do you want?

Monday, July 13, 2009


So He sang this to me after we made love. A few days later we heard it on the radio. We danced to it in the livingroom. He shhhhished me to just listen. LOL! I was flattered...more than flattered, I was THRILLED!

Baby, baby, baby, baby

1 - You got that
That it's too good I don't deserve it kinda love
That girl I'm calling in sick to work kinda love
The sweat it funkey dope kinda love
That's what you got
That call it a night kinda love

2 - That girl's so down I'm about to bust kinda love
That don't stop girl, get it get it kinda love
That back it up, break it off hip was knockin' kinda love
That's what you got
Call it a night kinda love

Baby, I think I'm coming home early
Cuz girl my body's yearning
For what you did last night
Cuz when you did it
Ooh it didn't make no sense
Cuz girl you know you know you know you know
That you sure got a brother spinnin'

Repeat 1
Repeat 2

Baby, wish you could feel what I was feeling
Cuz girl when I'm inside you
Girl, I'm so complete
Cuz when we're apart
I'm only half the man
That I am with you
And it's you that I need
And all of that, all of that

Repeat 1
Repeat 2

No telephones ringing
No ?? singing
Don't wanna see no TV
I just wanna be sleeping
The way you put it on me
Baby girl, you show me
That I ain't never leaving
You got the lovin' I'm needing
Said you got that

Turn the blue line in the basement kinda love
Ooh girl I wanna slap your mama kinda love
That funkey dope kinda love
That's what you got
That call it a night kinda love

Repeat 2

You got that love
That kind of love
That L-O-V-E love
That's what you got

You've got that love
That kind of love
That L-O-V-E love
That's what you got

Friday, July 10, 2009


I am finding that all I have to do is stand in the place that love dwells and let love do the rest. When true love is present, all that it asks, is that you open your heart. Accept the gift and then share it.

I am standing in that place where love dwells. I would have missed it if I were in a different place in my heart and mind and spirit. I was not ready last year or the year before. Everything in my life brings me to this moment. The stars are aligned and I am standing here taking it all in without fear and reservation. I asked. I received.

I do think of tomorrow but it does not over shadow my right now. This is a place of happiness right now. I am feeling strong and loved and focused and happy. Happy being the new order of the day.

We must allow love to be love. Love does not ask us to define, spin or defend. It only asks that we allow it to dwell, grow and spread. How divine. Love is not illusory, it is a living, breathing activity...a state of being. I love my kids. I love my friends. I love being alive. It is all love. I know there are those who will compartmentalize love for the sake of defining the differences of love of family, lovers, friends, objects. But I say Love IS. All Love is love. I will say our expressions of love is truly what people are really referring to when they say the love for their children is different than love of a lover. All love is love.

The real key for me is allowing love to be love and not try to make it into something I want from my ego's perspective. Love is about being humble and gracious and open to the spirit of another.

The Love Story continues...

Always asking the question: WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Wednesday, July 8, 2009



It took me all class to get the ouchos...forward and backwards. So much about Tango is feeling. You have to be prepared to go there...tap that sexual energy. Otherwise you are wasting your time. Tango is about putting your sexy...arousal...passion... on display. It is about the beauty of movement between a man and a woman. It is unlocking secrets. It is being honest and letting go of inhibitions.

My Love and I got past our little rough patch yesterday. I walked forward and dropped my stance. I surrendered. He reached out to me and was kind and generous. It is amazing how past relationships can haunt the present ones. You gotta be prepared to let go and stand fully in the new found love. It is about he and I right now in this space. Real. Raw. Loving. You have to be willing to work. WORK! WORK! WORK! And you gotta work with a sense of willingness, joy and commitment to love.

God has answered my prayer, now I must stand in reciept of my gift with gratitude.

The Love Story continues....

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


So much of what we want for ourselves is based on time...time for love...time to break up ...time to move on.... time to discern.

I am learning that time really has no real relevance to love. As I am fond of saying and repeating from the A Course in Miracles LOVE waits on Welcome...Not on TIME. It means that you can welcome love into your life and heart at any given moment. Not solely when it's convenient for you. The heart is an a amazing thing, it knows how to beat on its own. It does not need us to sit and clock its beats. Love is like that too. If we allow love to set in, it too will thrive.

I am in love with someone who is so conscious of time and planning that I am ready to walk away. When someone is constantly throwing time around what they are really saying is the love that you have to give them in this moment is not what their time allows for. And you have to recognize if someone has real time for love. If they do not and you are not honest then you start the convincing cycle. The place where you do your hardest to make them see that you are worth their time if they would take the time to see you. I have long since decided to give up the convincing mode and I am not going back. You see I am not interested in the potential for love.

I am interested in the now-ness of love. The readiness of love. This is where it gets tricky for people. They think that if they hang in with someone...wait someone out, be accommodating that the love they want will happen. No. This is just holding time....spending time with no real sense of love being showered on you. I am not interested in this either. Using time as barrier against getting the love we all say we want is a cowards way of not living with a full heart. You can not time stamp love. If we could, we all would schedule falling in love at the most opportune time. When we are at our best and our lives our happy and harmonious. But our whispers and prayers for GOD to send someone our way is always in the most desperate of hours....when loneliness is overwhelming and standing alone is painful to the touch. I have been there.

This falling in love time for me is very illuminating. I am grateful for its lessons thus far. I am grateful that I have the ability to live all that I speak. That means not accepting anything less than what I want for my heart and soul. Total, full, deep and abiding love.

I am not afraid to let go of something seemingly good and beautiful when in my heart it does not bring me the love I want, need and deserve.

The questions remain: WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Sunday, July 5, 2009


What seemed like the end of the story...the Love Story. Is really becoming the beginning. We have been hot and heavy for the last several weeks. I can't ever remember a time in my life where I had SEX everyday for a 2 1/2 weeks! It is profoundly beautiful. It is profoundly sacred and sensual and delicious. Each time we were...are entwined it is explosive. EXPLOSIVE!

But I could feel his discontent. His quiet references to his moving away. His vow of celibacy that he is contemplating. I have remained silent and stayed in the moment. I did not ask where we are going or if there was room for me and my children. Yesterday all the feelings between us about what happens next came flooding out. Our first fight...(the best fight I ever had) It started with him saying he was enchanted with me...that he was and has always been enchanted with me. And that he must focus and have a clear head. I was so annoyed because enchanted sounded like this was all a fantasy meeting...a chance encounter on his way to his life. I took serious issue and challenged him to explain. I stood in my life and was clear " if there is no room in your life for me and my children then we are ending this right now"

About a week ago he said: think about what our lives would look like joined. How we could make it happen and how it would affect the children. Everything has a time and a place. Yes. I said I will give it thought...serious thought.

Last night after the explosion (sex) we talked. He was annoyed because he thinks talking about serious matters after the explosion is not a good idea because emotions are high and the intensity is well..intense. But he did talk. He wants a courtship. Beginning with a 90 day serious series of discussion and honest sharing of who we are, and what we are willing to bring to the table. (90 days was my time-frame discussion suggestion) So after 90 days we will know if marriage is the next step.

A courtship? So of course I know this IS God's handiwork...last year I did whole post on being courted. I want to be courted TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: COURTING ME.

And so the beginning is near. We are going to court...he is going to court me. He is going to work on his goals for his life and court me.

The LOVE STORY continues...

Wednesday, July 1, 2009



Last night we learned a few more steps on top of the steps we learned last week...that I have not mastered yet. This week it was all about ready to move as your partner leads. Staying on one foot with the other foot up off the floor in anticipation of the next move....uuuggh!


He came to me last night...he hadn't planned on it. I texted him cum or not...but come. He came. He is drawn to me. He is connected to me. He likes me. He loves me. When he touches me it is like falling off a cliff. Last night the love we made was more explosive than the night before. It takes a toll on him he says...this level of passion. He says we need to balance the passion. Not temper it...just balance it. Balance it up against everyday things like making dinner and thinking about the universe and planning forward. He has plans that don't include me and yet they include me. I can feel him looking for the balance of where he has to go...where he is and what he can't afford to leave behind, nor take with.

The LOVE STORY continues....