Sunday, June 28, 2015

The Case For A Well Lived Life... Passions Abound.

I was mentioning to someone about the many passions I've enjoyed thus far on my life's journey. I've never had just one passion to drive me for my life's work. I've experienced a great many things that I had great love for and moved on from. I was passionate about working with folks affected and effected by sexual assault. I was passionate about delivering meals to folks living with HIV/AIDS. I was passionate about working with women survivors of domestic violence. I was passionate about politics and being elected to office. I was passionate about all the nonprofit Boards I've served on. I remain passionate about raising the 4 children I adopted. I remain passionate about the Black Press. I am passionate about the Charter School Board I serve on. I am passionate about hyper-mass incarceration and my ability in lending my voice, talents and time to this effort.

I always believed  I could do and be anything and so I set out to do just that. My mother told me at a very young age and I just believed her my whole life. I am always baffled by people struggling to find that one great passion that answers the big question of why am I here? I tried searching for one great passion and I found for me, there's no such thing. I am passionate about a great many things. So I have come to accept and relish that about myself.

I am acutely aware of the sands of time... There is so much more I want to be and do and see. The older I get, the greater the desire to become more of who I am meant to be permeates my spirit. I know why I am here... to be Babz. To expand my mind. To raise children. To fall in love over and over and over until I die. To be a blessing to somebody. To do my part in working for love.

Today more than ever before, I am not stressed by the road ahead. I am not freaking out about what to do next. I have made peace with the allowing of things... my self... this body... my heart and the potential for love of another... As in partner. The wasting of time is not something I am interested in; not with people, or projects or pleasure. I can do or not do as I see fit.

My passions span a wide array of things from social justice, to personal development. I can track my growth on my life's timeline on the the things I was most passionate about. I like that. I am living a well lived life.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

I No Longer Want To Claim Being Tired

It is a default mechanism... one of my own making. I toss out how tired I am without really speaking the truth about what really ails me. What passes for tiredness is really overwhelm and disorganization. I will honestly concede that I have way too many things on my plate at the moment.

Yes, more than likely this is the truth. However, I have this sense of urgency about doing all that I want to do. I know the problem isn't just being tired as much as it is disorganization and fear of success. There is always some kind of fear at the heart of things. I mean if I went to bed early as a person committed to taking better care, then a lot of my tiredness would go away. I am burning the candle at both ends. That ain't good nowhere, nohow not ever. And yet here I set in the wee hours of night, doing one more thing.

I need a tighter routine. I can see the fraying of edges. I can see where things are falling through the cracks and it is getting increasingly harder for me to juggle home, work, kids, their education, my social commitments, my civic duties and my dating life and everything else that I feel compelled to step into.

And to top it all off, I haven't been on a brisk walk or run for a couple of weeks. This is a priority intellectually, but not in reality. So what do I do? I bring my full attention to the matter. I make changes and I do better. Ha ha ha! Which really translates into another day going by without doing shit and them beating myself up until I make a new commitment to do better.Damn it I am doing that crazy roller coaster shit again. I am getting off.

Tomorrow a new plan is needed... It begins with my thinking. I gotta change my mind and make the necessary changes for my greater good. And yes, sacrifices must be made.

Actually the new plan begins tonight. I'm going to bed.