Thursday, August 9, 2007
WHAT MAKES A HOME?
There is a good chance that I will lose my house. I am 4 months behind in my payments. I am in bankruptcy so as long as I was making the payments the mortgage company couldn't foreclose. I have been in frantic conversations with my bankruptcy attorney about what can be done. The mortgage company has denied my request to enter into an agreement to make up the back payments owed--so they may move to default. I can do it, I did it last year when I initially lost my job. It took about 4 months to bring the payments current, and I did it and I was hoping that they would let me do it again. My mortgage rep in the bankruptcy dept. at countrywide--my mortgage holder was so mean and nasty. But I got her to check anyway if they would consider allowing me to make this arrangement. Her tone was as if I was some sort of deadbeat. I am not and she can't see that over the phone. So here I am waiting for my attorney to get in this morning. I am trying to make peace with whatever the outcome will be beforehand. I am trying to see the brighter side. I am afraid and I am tired. I have been through it and I am just tired of this fight. I fell like I am failing at every turn. It is said that God gives you only what you can bear. I do not question this. I am in the moment at a low point and I can't see in front of me. I am going on blind faith. There is nothing else for me to do but be still and let God arrange the universe on my behalf. Home is where ever I am with my kids, be it a shelter, a cave or a mansion.