Thursday, August 2, 2007


Something happens to women who stay home to raise kids. They are isolated in ways that is not readily accessible to talk about. My Sister Lo is at home with two beautiful boys...who are driving her crazy. This is a woman who is college educated, ran programs across several states and yet feels totally alone in her day to day efforts in raising her kids. My heart is breaking. Because I know what that is like. I am in the same boat. Raising kids can be and often is a solitary existence, especially when you have a spouse who doesn't value the work that you do with the kids and the home. My Sister is the smartest woman I know, hands down. To hear her crying about her life is heartbreaking. What can I do other than offer words of encouragement and support. We are a few States apart. She is overwhelmed and I am overwhelmed. We both have memories of our mother holding it down with less...resources, education , friends. But yet she made a way out out of no way. For us this is our ideal and we often talk about how amazed we are that out mom was able to accomplish all that she did on so little. So here we are modern day Mommas and we find it not so easy. Not so easy at all. Why? Why is it so much harder for us, than out Mom? I am so overwhelmed by my Sister's grief that I feel helpless as to what to do to help her. And in my inability to help her, I am also helpless on my own front. We often hear about the joys and virtues of motherhood, but never the struggles and disenfranchisement of women and their struggles with measuring up. And even less as to what to do when motherhood is less than idyllic. I suspect there needs to be a real revolution of women in defining what motherhood means and how to best support each other as we walk the walk and talk the talk of being mommy. Otherwise the truth will come out and women everywhere will just stop...having babies, juggling careers, raising families, being something other than true to their feminine selves. But most importantly stop trying to live up to a standard that NO ONE could get to not even men on their worst day could aspire to. We have got to get better at supporting each other and stop this ridiculous war on stay-at-home Mom vs Moms-that work-outside the home. This is more political than anything I know of. Because if this is addressed everything else is a piece of cake.


Mocha said...

You said it: this is political. But everything controversial is. So why is it controversial? Because there is no value in the job.

I think Jackie O said something like: If I blow it raising my children then nothing else I do will matter very much.

That may be all mucked up, but the sentiment is the same. Raising children is hard and my heart breaks for your sister and for YOU who are trying to reach out to her.

Hang in there, support each other, and continue to love. I'm just naive enough to believe that love cures a whole lotta stuff.

Lovebabz said...


Thank you for your kind sentiments. I beleive that too--that love cures a whole lotta of stuff!


Guy said...

Whichever route you choose as a mom is up to you, but I can say one thing... my mom battled a very abusive husband, poverty, and struggling to get through college. She finally is with a loving man, has a more than pleasant income and I now have two beautiful sisters. Just the fact that she was there beside me through the tough times makes me respect her a hell of a lot more. It could be easier, you could have more money, you could get a nanny, but none of those would help build your relationship with your kids like some good old fashion TLC.

Lovebabz said...

Guy you are right, however there is a nasty little war going on with woman. So much of our worth is tied to what we do and achieve. If it were just my sister I would think about this differently. But so many women that I know, accomplished women who are trying to do it all and are losing and winning depending on the day. I have made my choice as a mom--hell we adopted 4 kids on purpose. I am just wishing for a better support system for all types of mommies to tap into and feel respected across the board for their decisions.