Friday, August 31, 2007
FAITH FORWARD FRIDAY: WE ARE STRONGER THAN WE KNOW
I am still a bit weepy. I am moving, I am going to jail and I am very much alone. Yes of course I have a strong base of friends and families. But in the midnight hour there is only me and my mind and my emotions and my story. In this bewitching hour I feel uneasy and restless. I feel myself slipping into a dark hole with no end in sight. This is tough for someone like me--who is, for the most part an optimist. What saves me from taking my own life in this moment--in the midst of all my tears, heartaches and life's failures is the fact that there are those that have lost a great deal MORE than their good names. This is the anniversary of Katrina--2 years have come and gone. Somehow I just don't feel right wallowing in my self-pity. I know where my kids are. We had a lovely dinner tonight and we live in a great house for the moment. And although my life is changing and I am losing my house in foreclosure, I am in good health, my children are well and my support system is ready and willing to slay my dragons. I have a new place to move to--it's not my beautiful home, but it's not a dive either--as a matter of fact it is quite lovely. Circumstances can try our souls and we may believe we can't go on, but we are stronger than we know. We are stronger than we know--I am living proof. There are moments when I want to die and I know I have these four children that I adopted, who save my life every fucking day. God knew I would need them in this moment. That stops me cold from taking my own life. They NEED me and I NEED them. So I move forward because somewhere I will find the strength to go on in my solitude. We are stronger than we know.