Thursday, June 14, 2007

The Possibility of a Soul on Ice

On 9/11/06 I stood before a Federal Judge and pleaded guilty to One Count of Misappropriation of Federal Funds for a Federal Program. I embezzled a little less than $50,000. from a nonprofit that I was the Executive Director of from 9/01 to 6/03. I am awaiting sentencing. That's it. I wish I could talk more candidly about this, at the moment I cannot, I dare not. I will say this has been the third hardest thing I had ever endured in the 44 years of my life. The first being raped by my father as a child and sold for sex by my father. The second hardest thing was the surprise passing of my mother. Through all this uncertainty and sadness, I remain optimistic about the world and my place in it. I love being a mother, and I love being a wife. I love life. Don't get me wrong there have been times when I certainly didn't feel like this, but I have decided to choose happiness. I decided that I want to be happy. I have no idea what will happen to me, I have placed this in God's hands and I feel free to dream and ponder and imagine a new start for myself and my family. Someday this will be behind me, and until then I will meet it head on armed with the support of loving friends and family. In the words of the great one..
"Don't worry about a thing...every little thing is gonna be alright"...Bob Marley

4 comments:

Jema said...

I am proud of you for pleading guilty if you did what you were charged with (it sounds from your post like you did). You could have gotten a sleazy lawyer to try to get you off, and wasted even more taxpayer money, but you didn't. You stood up and said "Yes, I'm guilty of that" and now your taking your licks. I'm so sorry your marriage is in trouble on top of all that. I don't know you at all, but just from what you've said so far, you sound like you're getting back on the right track. God loves a humble heart, and it takes great humility to say "I did wrong". Bless you, Babz!

cheri said...

Years ago I worked as secretary for another AA woman who was Director of small non-profit Agency. I had been there longer than she and was in charge of keeping the books as well. I didn't know what to do when I found forged signatures on checks. I told her friend who did nothing and scared they would believe me a conspirator if I did nothing, told the Board. She was fired, not prosecuted though and I was let go too because some did not approve of my methods for telling. Her almost adult girls called my home anonymously threatening my life, but it all passed. I was glad I told then and your story only verifies it is what I should've done. Perhaps today, I might've tried to talk with her first, but then if I was the person I am now, then, I wouldn't have been working in that position.

I pray you get probation so you can continue to mother your children. You have confessed your wrong and that's all any of us can do whether over private or public mistakes. As far as your husband, 'good riddance.' If he could leave you now, you don't need Him. Life will go on and get better...

Cheri

www.cheriparisedwards.com

LoveGod said...

Your post is raw and beautiful...I am sorry to hear what your Dad did... He needed a new heart.. God knows what happened to him that made him do what he did to you...

Thank you for your honesty..

May God continue to reveal His goodness and love towards you... may you receive an increase of healing as well.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness"..

Oh what a gift we have in Him..

Angie-Nuvision said...

Babz, May God continue to Keep you in the palm of His hand.
Be encouraged, my sister.
Because of the cross,
Angie