Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Marriage Diary Vol 1: My mariage at the moment

I met and married my husband in a whirlwind within 5 months of meeting. We met in May of 1995, he moved in June 1995, we were married October 1995. It has been a grand love affair, one that I thought would stand the test of time. We adopted 4 children, we travelled all over the place together, we got through graduate school, we lived through family deaths, and happiness and job changes, political aspirations and elections and buying and selling of homes. But right now we are in a tough place. One that is challenging us both. I can't say what the real root of it all. I know a great deal is due in part to all the drama I bring to the table at the moment--awaiting sentencing for a federal crime (1 count misappropriation of federal funds for a federal program). And the fact that I am bankrupt, unemployed and again, awaiting sentencing. That's a lot to ask someone to endure along with you. He seemed to be handling things well, but recently he has been distant and a bit mean-spirited and easily set-off. So we are each in separate counseling sessions trying to hold this marriage and family together. We are working hard. I have started reading a few books on marriage and the like and I find them to be quite helpful. We are sweet and tender with each other and we are still making love--which is nice and never was a problem--although I will say I would like it more often! But nonetheless we are trying.
I don't know what the end result will be. I know I am determined to see it through. I feel connected to him--he is without a doubt my one true love. I am not so sure I have done a good job of conveying that over the years. It is baffling to me, that he doesn't know or believe I think the world of him. He is the best part of my thoughts and I am happiest when he is just hanging around the house. This would be too great a loss for me. However I do come from strong stock, so whatever the end game is, I certainly will be OK...in time.

1 comment:

Rachael said...

If you are meant to be together, you will survive it. And from what you say, you seem pretty sure you are meant to be. My marriage has survived major depression, an affair, unemployment, cancer, more depression...and we are still together. Things aren't the same, but then, what ever stays the same? We all grow, we all adapt, and, if we hav found the one with whom we are meant to walk with fr the rest of our life, we will grow and adapt together and become stronger for it. Godd luck.