Monday, June 25, 2007

My Turn Up at Bat: Awaiting Federal Sentencing

I am not going to talk about the specifics of my federal case. I am going to talk about my feelings thus far. I seem to be making progress in making peace with this. I have worried my self sick about what could happen, what might happen and what to do if the worst case scenario plays out. This process is a very lonely business. There is no way to talk about this without people going into automatic reassuring mode. I am grateful for that, however I am still alone with my thoughts on the matter. I don't think of myself as a villain, and I long since given up labeling my self as wretched. What I am doing is thinking about what the next phase of my life will be. I am just now beginning to think about my future. The last 4 1/2 of years was filled with anxiety about my case, pleading guilty and now awaiting sentencing. It has been a very long process and it has taken me this long to make some peace with all of it. Today, I am not so concerned with worst case scenario. I am optimistic by nature--a romantic often. As I said today, I am not worrying about worst case anything.

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