Monday, June 11, 2007

Keeping the Faith or up on my Soapbox

I am an optimist for sure. I rather be happy even in the midst of turmoil. I deliberately choose happiness. That is after I drag myself out of my funks. I have always been good at picking myself up after I get knocked on my butt. And believe me you, I am knocked on my butt. My life is a mess, I mean a mess of gigantic proportions. Hell, if I told people my tale of woe no one would believe me. And yet here I am with my whole life crumbling around me and no end in sight. Really no end in sight. But there is a place in my soul that can feel better days ahead. Now it is small and on first glance you wouldn't notice it. But it is there and I am reminded of it throughout the course of the day. It is my Sister calling from NJ at just the right time, it is my dearest friend Ron calling to take me out for drinks, or my best girlfriend Bette in Seattle sending me a silly ditty. God is working on me, with me and for me. I know it, I feel it. My youngest daughter Margeaux is truly God's direct gift to me--as are the other three, but she in the middle of the night will wake-up and call me "Mommy I need you" and I know in that moment that it's God reminding me of who I am. I am certain of it. God has got my back and I know it. I have always known it. So while my life hurts now and man does it hurt, it won't last forever. I will live sweeter soon. I am keeping the faith.

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