Today was fabulous. It was like old times. Hanging out for the day, shopping, taking the kids for a grand lunch. Today was moving day. My husband moved his shit and left us. Hell, I let him use my mommy whip--the minivan. I am more stunned than I ever thought I would be. I knew it was coming. How could a man leave his wife and kids. No matter what, no matter how unhappy you think you are, you don't leave. So I am drinking--Patron Tequila and Beer-Negro Modelo's. I have been careful not to freak the kids out. My 10 year daughter is at a girls only b-day party and the other three are planted in front of the TV. I have been crying for about an hour--out of view of my children. I know, I said no more crying. I was not expecting this rush of emotions. It is like being orphaned. I feel so overwhelmed, I almost can't handle it. And I got the civil suit shit in the mail--they are seeking judgement, the $49,000 I misappropriated (stole) and then another 50,000 in whatever else they need--fees, attorney bills etc.. So I owe $100,000. so that also added to my stress. God help me. I am floating at sea in a raft made of twigs. So I am drinking, Patron and negro modelo's. I know my limitations. I am in for the night. I just feel so helpless and so abandoned and as I write the tears are coming. I fucked up and I know it and I am trying to stare down the rising tide. I can do this. I have four hearts that need me to hold it all together. That revelation trumps heartache everyday of the week.
The thing that I love most about me is that I have the ability to rise above shit. Believe it or not I can handle this. The universe is already working on my behalf and God's got my back. Just in the moments it took to craft this posting. I am already refocused and on point. I am drinking in this moment because ...well I like it! I am feeling pretty damned good. I got this no matter what. Good night.