Saturday, July 14, 2007

Patron, Negro Modela and a husband says good bye!

Today was fabulous. It was like old times. Hanging out for the day, shopping, taking the kids for a grand lunch. Today was moving day. My husband moved his shit and left us. Hell, I let him use my mommy whip--the minivan. I am more stunned than I ever thought I would be. I knew it was coming. How could a man leave his wife and kids. No matter what, no matter how unhappy you think you are, you don't leave. So I am drinking--Patron Tequila and Beer-Negro Modelo's. I have been careful not to freak the kids out. My 10 year daughter is at a girls only b-day party and the other three are planted in front of the TV. I have been crying for about an hour--out of view of my children. I know, I said no more crying. I was not expecting this rush of emotions. It is like being orphaned. I feel so overwhelmed, I almost can't handle it. And I got the civil suit shit in the mail--they are seeking judgement, the $49,000 I misappropriated (stole) and then another 50,000 in whatever else they need--fees, attorney bills etc.. So I owe $100,000. so that also added to my stress. God help me. I am floating at sea in a raft made of twigs. So I am drinking, Patron and negro modelo's. I know my limitations. I am in for the night. I just feel so helpless and so abandoned and as I write the tears are coming. I fucked up and I know it and I am trying to stare down the rising tide. I can do this. I have four hearts that need me to hold it all together. That revelation trumps heartache everyday of the week.
The thing that I love most about me is that I have the ability to rise above shit. Believe it or not I can handle this. The universe is already working on my behalf and God's got my back. Just in the moments it took to craft this posting. I am already refocused and on point. I am drinking in this moment because ...well I like it! I am feeling pretty damned good. I got this no matter what. Good night.


Ndelible said...


Your attitude is all you have and yours seems to be intact. Stay focused and stay positive. I'm sending all the good vibes I can to you.

BTW, my liquid of choice when feeling down is vodka, frozen vodka that I keep in the freezer at all times. Plus, shot glasses also kept in the freezer. A girl gotta have supplies!

Lovebabz said...

I like tequila because I don't get the fuzzy head. Vodka was my thing--Grey Goose, Kettle One. I am learning my way around tequila. I love the history and the process of making tequila. I think I may learn my way around whiskey and bourbons next.
Cheers to you!