F.E.A.R.

FUCK EVERYTHING AND RUN or FACE EVERYTHING AND RECOVER.

My girlfriend strongly suggested I read "A Piece of Cake" by Cupcake Brown. It is a tough memoir about her life as a gang-banger, being raped over and over by different adults as a child, her time in foster care, drug abuse, prostitution. You name it, it happened to this child. Well she is a grown successful woman practicing law in San Francisco. Her story was painful to read, so much so, that I had to put it down and read something else. So I finally finished it and I understand why God, through the caring nudging of my Soror insisted that I read this book. The end is so uplifting and encouraging. We all have value. No matter what happens to any us, whether by our own design or circumstance, we all have value. I was thrilled this morning when I woke up. I have FEAR up at the top of my post because it was an acronym from the book. I couldn't stop thinking about this. You always have two choices and this acronym represents my two choices. I have chosen to FACE EVERYTHING AND RECOVER. My Seattle Sister-Friend emailed me yesterday concerned about my well-being, she thought perhaps I could be putting on a brave front in the face of all my shit at the moment. I am not. I am moving forward. I am putting my feet in front of me and I am trusting that God will bring me through. God has always brought me through. I could not have survived all that I have if it were not for the grace of God. Even in my darkest moments when I wanted to kill myself, the spirit of God moved me to take another direction---hold on for one more day. Operating in fear keeps me from receiving the divinity. My faith is very personal and private--even I am amazed that I am speaking so freely about it here. But I must at this moment talk about why I am choosing joy. I am not the sum total of my worst moment. And though I have tougher days ahead. I am not alone. I have a community, a village of kind and caring people who want only the best for me. I move forward with all their best intentions. But most importantly I know who I am and that is enough.
"When God knows you're going to battle he sends his best warriors" A Piece of Cake, by Cupcake Brown