Tuesday, June 9, 2009



I came across this quote at the end of the book by Rachel Sarah Single Mom Seeking. Her Sister-friend offered her that sage advice. It resonated with me in a big way!

It is difficult to articulate how my life is recycling through a pattern of past relationships. I recognize the same issues in people that I have in my life now. For me it means that I get to choose differently this time. Very much a do-over just with a different cast of characters. But the elements are the same. The personalities are the same. There are a few characters who are who they were back then. They have shown up now. It is amazing to see.

Looking over the landscape of my life. I realize I don't like any of the cast of characters that are present. Been there...done that...and so over it! I am so over Men who are emotionally crippled, not fully developed, whining, and always surrounded in drama and more drama. I am tired of men who are sort of intellectually interesting and highly self actualized but have so many other character flaws that you can't overlook or get past. I would have tried in a previous life. But I've grown and I recognize I am not in the behaviour changing business, nor am I in the convincing business, nor am I in the this-is-all-I-get-so-I-settle business.

I can see where I can make different choices. I can cross the street. I can leave crazy on the curb. I can leave drama in the theatre. I can leave ambiguous and uncertainty in the park. I don't have to deal with any of that madness at all. I am more of myself and I can feel it. I can stand in my own life and be much more discerning about who I share my time and heart with.

I want more. To get more I can't go back to the things that only offer me less. I know that script...played it! This thought carries over into every aspect of my life...DON'T GO BACK FOR MORE WHERE THERE IS ONLY LESS!


12:30PM EST


the prisoner's wife said...

i like this groove you're in. it's great that you're able to recognize what's been done & not go back down that road again. good things are gonna happen to you sis (i'm mean, they are already!)

moι said...

Bravo, Bravo! Here's to the YOU!

Her Side said...

Here I go... Long-winded in your comments again... But alas I can't stop myself. LOL

This reminds me of the "quantity vs. quality" balance that improves with age and wisdom. I watch my sons deal with "friends" issues and become concerned about how many they have. The 16-year old seemed absolutely engrossed in just how many people clicked to become his "friend" on MySpace.

I spoke to him at length about what the word "friendship" means. It's about relationship, and the quality FAR FAR OUTWEIGHS the quantity when it comes to determining the health of your relationships.

Age and wisdom come along to teach us that being alone (losing quantity) is far better than settling for lousy quality.

Funny how we grasp this simple "quality" concept when it comes to our material goods sooner than we apply it to our more precious spiritual and emotional goods. LOL

Solomon said...

I'm all about letting go of the mess of the past, and focusing on my 'right now'. And my right now doesn't play into the games that I would have agreed to emotionally in my past. Letting old 'relationships' go, and developing new and healthy 'friendships' with people that I can trust, that aren't going to take advantage of me is how I operate today. Sticking with the winners is something a friend of mine used to tell me all the time. It's actually funny, because if I would have listened to him, we would have never been friends either, he turned out to be the biggest loser.

laurie said...

You deserve someone worthy of you. Glad you are holding out. You will find him. xo

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hey there!

I loooove that quote.... how many of us continue to go back??

Lord, I am sooo happy and thankful that wisdom has become my friend!

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!

drleah@singlemommyhood.com said...

Great post!

I've asked single moms many times,"Is he a man or a project?" We're so accustomed as single parents to doing it all. That's what snares us into going back for more ... and being disappointed.

MindyMom said...

Love this post. IT's a very well timed one for me as I can relate to it all very well. I'm going to take that quote and make it my mantra for a while.


Mizrepresent said...

i hear you and feel you on this Lovebabz...i so love to come to your site everyday. It just makes me feel good, and helps me along my way. Thank you sis...everything you said has meaning, to most of us, if not all of us.

MsKnowitAll said...

I'm about to stand up on my feet, in front of my PC and clap my hands!!!

I can't agree more with "choices". Going back for more where there is only less is no longer than option!

Lovebabz said...

I am indeed in a groove! I am certainly becoming more of myself!

Thank you, Thank YOU!

Her Side,
First of all you can be long winded as you like. I take great delight in your wise observations.
You are on point and got me thinking about quantity vs quality.

Friends we can forgive transgression and trespasses..But lovers hhmm not so much. Friendships get stronger over time and they are tried and true. But lovers that were put away and then resurrected never does us any good.

He will find me! I am so hoping! LOL!

It is easy to go back...it is familiar. We know all the pitfalls and the games and the mess. We have to break that cycle and move forward! Thanks for dropping in :)

Dr. Leah,
YES! We go back thinking htis time it will be different. It never ever is.

Welcome. Post it where you can see it everyday. Draw strength. Becaue it is easy to get drawn back into the familiar.

Than you. I am touched that anything I have to say resonates with anyone. I feel the same way bout you...I go over to your blog and its always right on time!

No longer an option. Once you see things for what they are...you can decidedly move on!

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

you know i am giving you a high five for this. it's a lesson that keeps on giving!!

Princess Tinybutt said...


i saw your topic and felt a tinge of fear. i was actually afraid to read this. i waited a few days, 'til now really, to read this.

the question that i've been dealing with for a while now is this: do i continue to accept, deal with, settle for more of less.