You know you can just start again. That is my ephiphany...start again. Ha!
I did something foolish yesterday...I reached out to someone knowing full well it was going to be a waste of time. But sometimes what you know and what you do is at odds with each other. So I am starting over. I am falling back into my stance and starting again. Leaving mess right where it is.
When you step back and survey the landscape you can see very clearly where the mess is. What you thought was romantic and quirky is now annoying and insipid. And all the reasons you decided to break away are still very true. We go back because we are lonely...anxious...desperate for attention and affection. Not focused on what's in front of us. I have been on this vibe for the last several blog posts. I've been foolish...rather a fool. I've been manipulated and seduced. Trust me I was not an unwitting victim. I was duplicitous in this in equal portions. I needed the distraction. I needed to play.
Playing in this manner is over. I can start again. Wipe the slate clean and move forward. No agonizing over whys... just cutting my losses and starting again.
We can start again. We can leave crazy right where we found it and get ourselves down life's road. I have learned a valuable lesson about people and how they present themselves, what they say and how they really live. Don't believe the hype. Look closely at the messenger...because the message is seductive and does not make any sense.
There is a real sense of growth in my life. I am so not the same woman I was 3, 2, 1 year ago. I have covered a lot of ground. But there is still more ground to cover...more excavating to be done...more me to become. Fall back...start again.
WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?