Thursday, June 18, 2009

FALL BACK...START AGAIN!

You know you can just start again. That is my ephiphany...start again. Ha!

I did something foolish yesterday...I reached out to someone knowing full well it was going to be a waste of time. But sometimes what you know and what you do is at odds with each other. So I am starting over. I am falling back into my stance and starting again. Leaving mess right where it is.

When you step back and survey the landscape you can see very clearly where the mess is. What you thought was romantic and quirky is now annoying and insipid. And all the reasons you decided to break away are still very true. We go back because we are lonely...anxious...desperate for attention and affection. Not focused on what's in front of us. I have been on this vibe for the last several blog posts. I've been foolish...rather a fool. I've been manipulated and seduced. Trust me I was not an unwitting victim. I was duplicitous in this in equal portions. I needed the distraction. I needed to play.

Playing in this manner is over. I can start again. Wipe the slate clean and move forward. No agonizing over whys... just cutting my losses and starting again.

We can start again. We can leave crazy right where we found it and get ourselves down life's road. I have learned a valuable lesson about people and how they present themselves, what they say and how they really live. Don't believe the hype. Look closely at the messenger...because the message is seductive and does not make any sense.

There is a real sense of growth in my life. I am so not the same woman I was 3, 2, 1 year ago. I have covered a lot of ground. But there is still more ground to cover...more excavating to be done...more me to become. Fall back...start again.

WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?

6 comments:

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

yes
yes
ya'll

I OVERstand you on this on. I always get caught up when I just want to play, i let my guard down as well as my entry requirements.

life ain't for play
this ain't rehearsal

you are on it like blue bonnet. don't stop!!

Solomon said...

I like that one aunt Jackie

"You are on it like blue bonnet, don't stop!"

Lovebabz said...

A.u.n.t. Jackie,
Ha ha ha! On it like blue bonnet...GURL that is Old Skool!

Solomon,
Aunt Jackie cracked me up with this one! I love it!

MsKnowitAll said...

When reading this post, I was reminded of a song by Amel Larrieux (You already know she's one of my favorite soul singers).

The song is "We Can Be New"... When and if you get a chance...

Yes you can most definitely start again. Isn't it magnificent knowing that waddle through messes, you can just cut that mess off and begin anew?

You're so dope Sister Lovebabz!

the prisoner's wife said...

"We can leave crazy right where we found it "

amen to that!

Moanerplicity said...

Sista, there ain't no shame in your game. The reaching out was simply the unselfish act of you showing YOUR Grace, and that's always a beautiful thing. Whether someone accepts it in the spirit in which it's meant, well, that's on them.

Meanwhile, keep doing you and know that in most cases and with most people, such graciousness is deeply appreciated!


SJ!

One.