I am learning that when I am bored, lonely and desperate for attention I choose foolishly. I want to reconnect with what I already thrown away. Walked away from. As if coming back around is going to somehow be different. It is these moments of insanity that trips me up and I suspect a whole lot of folks.
We lean toward the familiar. We know this devil. And therefore we brace ourselves and charge in full steam. Disregarding all the hard work it took to undo the foolishness. Are we crazy? am I crazy? No we are not. I found a quote from Debbie Ford that was buried under some papers:
FEAR AND RESISTANCE ARISE WHEN YOU DON'T TRUST THAT WHERE YOU ARE GOING IS BETTER THAN WHERE YOU'VE BEEN.
AH HA! THAT'S IT! What drives us back to mess is our own fears that nothing else will come back around. That perhaps this mess could be fixed. The old mess might be worth salvaging. This trips me up every time. And it runs contrary to what I know: THERE IS NO CONVINCING IN LOVE. And this is what I am doing if I am still holding out hope that this mess could be salvaged, re-worked and made shiny and new.
WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?
These two small questions have the power to change our lives. We have to be open to the answers but most importantly we have to ask the questions first.
Happy Birthday #54 to ME!
10 months ago
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4 comments:
More true words have never been spoken. With everything I am going through right now my friends have been wonderful but I find myself just wanting to be held and compromising myself and good judgment to try to attain it.
I am strong enough to get through this but it is a lonely and twisting road.
Okay first of all I'm just trying to figure out how it's possible that you have jumped in my head and are maybe also living my life :-)
I was praying/talking to God about this very thing this morning. I have to trust that a man that I meet TODAY who sees me as the woman I am NOW has the capacity to love me, same as, if not more than someone who knows my life story, or has known me my whole life.
Whew! it's work ain't it?!
Kay C,
Recognizing our pitfalls is big deal. It often is a lonely and twisting road. God knows my choices of late have not been stellar. But again life lessons show up as needed :)
A.u.n.t. Jackie,
YOU hit the nail on the head! and I sense in my own life the resistance of going through that whole "get-to-know-me" stage. It is hard, but you and I both know that the good stuff requires WORK!
"WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
These 2 questions have been running through my mind as of late and I remembered last night that the seed was planted here.
When I am bored, lonely and desperate I too choose foolishly so so what I've done is stocked life with healthy options so that when I indulge, it's better for me than reaching for false fillers (I can create a whole post right here!)
I see that quote found you when you needed it to reach your Ah Ha! moment. Now that you're open to your self-growth, you're having eye openers left and right. Blessed are YOU for being open!
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