My estranged husband went out on a date last night to NYC to see the Color Purple. He has been dating for quite some time. He has gotten over me. To me it seems like overnight, but my "True Love" friends remind me that he left the marriage, well before he "left the marriage" So in essence he had a head start in getting past me. I am just getting used to the thought that he doesn't live here anymore. He is pursuing a new relationship. I cried more than I should have yesterday--breaking my own rule--that I posted months ago to stop all that damned crying...but I digress. NO! I do no want him back and NO! I do not want to reconcile. I just want to be where he is...over me. I want to be over me too.
So here is what I know: I have not lost a husband. I am not a widow. What is happening is the Universe IS making space for my new life. For my new dreams and my new love. I did not lose him, he left. And in leaving he has set in motion all the wonderful things that are just right outside my door. There are new adventures to be had, new relationships to grow and love to me made. My role is to be still, stay focused and keep an open heart. I get to choose who I want to be in all of this and of course I choose love and happiness...this is my year!
Sybil Kein
Flowers
When you make love
to me
I must confess,
your eyes are
April moist,
poetic.
With their lovely light,
they open my fingers
to catch the silence
of your sweet flesh.
Each time,
with each move,
we make a garden.
Happy Birthday #54 to ME!
9 months ago
Posts
10 comments:
Babz~~
You are so correct - we must put out the old to make room for the new. Sometimes, I don't believe how quickly some people can recover from having their heart with a person for so long. Then again, everyone handles grief differently. It's okay to feel pain - it is anger that you're expressing and it is healthy. You are learning the lesson that will bring you to happiness.
Ndelible,
I am so happy you stopped by. Thanks so much for your pearls of wisdom. Yesterday was an unexpected heartache. But this morning it's a new damned day and I get to try again!
I love your spirit.
My husband took physical leave of our marriage last year about this time. We had a very short-lived marriage, and most who knew us at the time were not even aware we were married as we married in a private ceremony while publicly planning a huge official wedding.
He thought this "secret marriage" should make splitting up easier. It didn't.
I found that as I moved through the months that followed, I fluctuated constantly emotionally speaking. Weeks and sometimes a month or two would pass with me feeling I was over us. Then just as suddenly I would crash and burn for no apparent reason other than the obvious.
I don't know how or why, but it finally did come to pass that I got over us and all I had imagined we'd get to be. We are in the final stages of divorcing now, and though a certain sadness for all that never had a chance to be remains, I look toward my future much the same way as you do...with joyful expectation of the wonders to come. Guess what? You are one of those wonders along with all of the other bloggers I am falling in love with as a result of being introduced to BD2 Write! This time last year I had ceased to write in my dismay over my marriage. Now I'm back and new loves have found their way into my life. So keep you chin up and remember, I heart you :-)
My apologies for commandeering your comments section and turning it into my blog (LOL).
I'll tell you what I know with absolutely certainty: you DON'T want to be where he is. Trust me. Stay the course and you'll find your heart & soul healed. On the other hand, most men run from their healing faster than they run from their marriage. All seems well until the bottom falls out. The act of divorce is tough enough. But the dissolution of marriage is a beast. We can run to another's arms, but we cannot run from the reality that our souls are wounded too. The new woman in his life can't heal his soul or fill that hole. Nobody can, but God and time.
Sorry for writing so much. But I promise you my sister that you will emerge healed, full of love and ready for a deeper love than you've ever experienced before.
Stay strong Lovebabz - you're Spring is just around the corner!
Hell Sister-friend Sharon,
You are welcome to post as long as you like. I rather like this virtual community of folks I am building and connecting to. Kindred souls all on the highway to love and happiness. I have come so far, but you are right there are time when you crash and you crash without warning. But the real gift is not staying down after the crash, but getting back up and moving forward.
K.o. Johnson,
Thank you for shaking me into a different perspective...you are right, I do not want to be where he is. That was me talking from a place of fear and not love. I absolutely believe there is a much deeper and grander love waiting for me to get to my next level and fully become more of whom I am supposed to be.
ALL I know is: Hugz! & I don't mean that facetiously or flippantly...sometimes it's all i know that'll help.
I LOVE Hugz! I love that you are sending me HUGZ! I need them all! I need them all the time!
I just wanted to say thank you for your blog. My spouse just left 6 weeks ago after 5+ years. My kids, from a previous marriage which he raised as his own and have no contact with their bioligical father, and I are devastated. It was an all of a sudden "I don't want to be a full time husband or father" decision. Contact is sporadic at best, which is okay for me but kills the kids when he doesn't return their calls. But enough about my problems... I just really want to say thank you for your blog. It is inspiring. Your words have touched my heart and given me a ray of hope in my darkest hours. May God continue to work in and bless your life as you bless others. Thanks again.
Pattyabbryn,
Thank you for your kind words. You will get through. I know it seems tough right now and your kids are suffereing. But now you must turn your attentions to you and your next steps.
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