I am no different than a lot of women. I want to be in love. I want a loving long standing relationship. But what exactly does that mean? Really? I have love relationships, I have long standing loving relationships. I have people in my life who love me and have moved heaven and earth for my happiness and I love them with the same passion and commitment. What am I longing for? What is it that I want? And if I am clear about what I want, am I also that very thing? What do I have that would make another heart feel peaceful?
Have I done enough personal development work and spiritual development work in preparation for a soul mate? Have I unpacked my baggage and put away my demons so that when Mr. Divine Right Man shows up, I am ready? I am not so sure. I am not so sure I am who I want at the moment. And if I am unsure as to what I want and need and desire, then how is someone going to know? When you have no idea of what you want then whatever shows up is good enough? Is it just ok to have someone want you, without ever thinking if you truly want them? Is that love by default? Is that better than being alone?
I am growing into myself and in doing that, my requirements of a soul-mate grows and becomes more defined. As I become more of who I am supposed to be, my soul-mate is getting closer and I suspect waiting with baited breath for me to step into my Grown Woman space more fully. I am not looking for an "ultimate relationship" that is way too much pressure and creates a level of expectation that cannot be sustained. What I am hoping for is clarity, and time for further discernment. There is no rush. I am in no hurry. Of course there will be a new lover. I have every faith in that. Will that love connection stand the test of time? Who knows. I do know that I am fixing my mind to attract my heart's desire, just as I am growing myself to become my heart's desire... with God's help of course.
Naomi Long Madgett
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I cannot swear with any certainty
That I will always feel as I do now,
Loving you with the same fierce ecstasy,
Needing the same your lips upon my brow.
Nor can I promise stars forever bright,
Or vow green leaves will never turn gold.
I cannot see beyond this present night
To say what promises the dawn may hold.
And yet, I know my heart must follow you
High up to hilltops, low through vales of tears,
Through golden days and days of sombre hue.
And love will only deepen with the years,
Becoming sun and shadow, wind and rain,
Wine that grows mellow, bread that will sustain.
Happy Birthday #54 to ME!
9 months ago
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13 comments:
True and honest reflection is always wonderful. Knowing what you want is one part, preparing for it is another.Perhaps this has been the delay in my life...i believe i know what i want, i have written about it, dreamed about it, and have attempted to clear the clutter of past mistakes, memories, regrets, loves away to welcome it...but everything doesn't happen when we want it...in fact, it rarely happens when we want it, but i belive it will happen...in time, and with patience. Great post lady! Have a great weekend.
Mizpresent,
What I am beginning to learn is that as you do the work to become the BEST YOU, the BEST HE will show up.
Have a great weekend too! Are you in MO with the rest of the Cool Peeps?!
What a wonderful blog... is it okay if I nab that poem for mine? It comes very close to describing my feelings about love and commitment (commitment is a huge issue for me).
I read your blog every day at the moment. It has become part of my online routine.
I think the main thing is knowing who you are and feeling content with life as it is. I know that something I have to watch out for is a feeling of terrible loneliness that I've felt at times since my husband left. I really don't want to attach myself to someone out of some feeling of desperation.
I think you're on the right path.
How do you feel on a daily basis about your estranged husband? -- ups and downs? Conflicted feelings? Hope this isn't too nosey!
May-Bee
You are welcomed to whatever I have here. I do so appreciate your support and I am honored that you find something of value in what I have to say about my experiences.
I plan to blog about my feelings for my estranged husband. I am so far from where I was when he first left. Debbie Ford's book, "Spiritual Divorce, Divorce as a Catalyst for a an Extraordinary Life". Was such a huge help in furthering my journey. Try that on and see if you don't start to feel like a cloud is lifting.
firstly, let me thank you for the beuatiful poem that you just shared. I look forward to reading more and visiting on teh regular.
secondly, the words that you wrote on my blog are the inspiration to keep informing the mal informed. I realize that a lot of people would prefer to remain blissfully ignorant, than have their absolutes challenged. thank you for your support and I will continue to do the work that I know God would have me to do. there is just so much to share.
Have a fantastic weekend.
Hey DC Speaks,
I do so appreciate your visit and your kind words. The most amazing thing about this blogging thing is that you attract what you put out. Meaning there are lots of folks all traveling in your direction. I am glad I found you and I will certainly check your site often.
Peace be unto you.
You and I are without a doubt kindred spirits. I say that because we seem to be travelling parallel paths separated by a few months of that non-linear time I was speaking of over at my place yesterday.
I seem to constantly be referring you to something I recently wrote, and today is no different. Last summer as I was trying to come to terms with my husband's request for a divorce, I wrote the following passage:
"...I recognize the fact that I have not often if ever considered whether or not I was right for the person with whom I was involved; I have only taken into consideration whether or not he was what I believed I wanted/needed."
I wrote that in the post you can find here if interested in reading more:
http://justwritenow.blogspot.com/2007/07/just-exhaling525600-minutes-later.html
The long and short is that you are absolutely correct in what you say, and not long after arriving in the place through which you are now passing, I found that I was finally and at long last ready to let go of the past and prepare myself more diligently than ever before for the future!
You and I MUST meet outside of the virtual world one day...it absolutely HAS TO HAPPEN.
Continued blessings to you Lady Lovebabz :-)
The universe is already making our arrangements to meet. Not to worry!
We are on a journey. And our hopes and wishes are the same.
I love when you post, it is a Grown Woman conversation all the time.
I am not looking for an "ultimate relationship" that is way too much pressure and creates a level of expectation that cannot be sustained.
Amen.
I think what I am looking for is a woman whose going to be there through the thick and thin. And a woman who is intelligent, has a sense of humor, a career, can cook and is good in bed.
The in-betweens can be worked out, easily.
Don darling,
I am not looking. I am becoming.
And what would be the in-betweens? I mean you have expectations that I think you believe are at best basic? But I see them as hard and fast. I think if you are looking for those things then you will never find that "right" combination. It will be an illusive search...perhaps lots of good sex but little substance. I ain't knocking good sex--there is value in booty calls!
Think rather about qualities and character and loving spirit. And also who are they really and what are they made of.
There is a real disconnect in our love relationships that is quite troubling on the surface and down right scary on the intimate level.
This is worth a bigger dicussion.
As always you get me thinking!
Very honest and open! Being in like and love are two different things. At times both are hard to tell when it begins. However, I believe like sometimes ends, where love never should. It's often very costly, costing you to surrender, submit and give to others that which is special to you. Love abounds and endures much. It puts away selfishness, and self fulfillment and demolishes past pains and past perspectives.
I too am growing to love every bit of the wonderful creation God made me to be. I am confident as I wait patiently and continue to blossom; the man that is ordained to be my king will present himself. At this unveiling I will be open and in full bloom...ready to accept that which God has blessed me with.
I hope you had a wonderful weekend. Keep being as transparent and honest as you are. It in turn invites others to be honest with themselves. Whether you realize it or not, it is ministry!
Dearest, The Artist In Me,
You are an angel, your sentiments resonates with me on so many levels. Thank you for sharing.
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