I am no different than a lot of women. I want to be in love. I want a loving long standing relationship. But what exactly does that mean? Really? I have love relationships, I have long standing loving relationships. I have people in my life who love me and have moved heaven and earth for my happiness and I love them with the same passion and commitment. What am I longing for? What is it that I want? And if I am clear about what I want, am I also that very thing? What do I have that would make another heart feel peaceful?
Have I done enough personal development work and spiritual development work in preparation for a soul mate? Have I unpacked my baggage and put away my demons so that when Mr. Divine Right Man shows up, I am ready? I am not so sure. I am not so sure I am who I want at the moment. And if I am unsure as to what I want and need and desire, then how is someone going to know? When you have no idea of what you want then whatever shows up is good enough? Is it just ok to have someone want you, without ever thinking if you truly want them? Is that love by default? Is that better than being alone?
I am growing into myself and in doing that, my requirements of a soul-mate grows and becomes more defined. As I become more of who I am supposed to be, my soul-mate is getting closer and I suspect waiting with baited breath for me to step into my Grown Woman space more fully. I am not looking for an "ultimate relationship" that is way too much pressure and creates a level of expectation that cannot be sustained. What I am hoping for is clarity, and time for further discernment. There is no rush. I am in no hurry. Of course there will be a new lover. I have every faith in that. Will that love connection stand the test of time? Who knows. I do know that I am fixing my mind to attract my heart's desire, just as I am growing myself to become my heart's desire... with God's help of course.
Naomi Long Madgett
I cannot swear with any certainty
That I will always feel as I do now,
Loving you with the same fierce ecstasy,
Needing the same your lips upon my brow.
Nor can I promise stars forever bright,
Or vow green leaves will never turn gold.
I cannot see beyond this present night
To say what promises the dawn may hold.
And yet, I know my heart must follow you
High up to hilltops, low through vales of tears,
Through golden days and days of sombre hue.
And love will only deepen with the years,
Becoming sun and shadow, wind and rain,
Wine that grows mellow, bread that will sustain.