There are some amazing self-help books out there. I've read so many I am dizzy. Well worth it. I've absorbed a lot. I had many an ah-ha moment with a lot of them. I've seen myself in more books than I care to tell. But now is the time to put away the books and live my truth. Love my way through my life.
After awhile the books become a crutch...one more will give me the answer...the next one will be the THE ONE... answers all my prayers, transforms all my flaws and wipe away all my fears...or at least tell me how! Same thing with Sister-friends, calling them and talking about my man, my fears, my shit. It all has to cease. I have to step into my love with the tools and heart I have. There is no trying, only DOING!
If I want love than I have to say that clearly and honestly and openly. Without games, reservations, fear and bullshit. I gotta bring my worth and strength to the table. I gotta give in order to receive. No more of I need you to Love me first...more...better. I gotta take the chance on love and be more than willing to be let him in. He is not my enemy. He has not come to do me harm. I know what that looks like. I know bad men when I see them. He is certainly not one of them. He speaks truth to power. He does not lie...ever. He is clear about what he wants, needs and desires. He has asked very little of me. He adores me.
I stare at him. He is beautiful and graceful. He looks at me deeply and holds my gaze. He is penetrating this exterior wall...I am working from the inside out. I love him.
Loving him means loving me first and sharing who I am. Not giving up myself. But working to make myself better...not for him but inspired by him. I am listening with my heart for a change. Tuning out the hum of fear.
We start. Stop. We're on. Off. Again, we embrace this love. Doing our best to nurture and protect this love.
...the love story continues.
Always asking the questions: WHO AM I? WHAT DO I WANT?