Saturday, May 30, 2009

YOUR LIFE IS FUCKED UP AND YET YOU WANT TO TELL ME HOW TO LIVE?

You know I am a woman for an epiphany. I am open to the divine. I am open for truth to wash over me like raging waters in a flood. When I am still...truth reveals. Truth has a way of showing up when you are not sure...when you have doubts...when you hear shit that makes no sense. TRUTH PREVAILS. What you do with truth is your own challenge...and a topic for another day.

Of late I have been allowing folks to put their spin on how I think...how I process information. At first I was intimidated by the so-called intellect...then I was enamoured of the scope of thought. I thought there must be something for me to learn...they have something to teach me. But then on second glance I am like WHAT THE FUCK? You see folks can always tell you about your life...but are remiss in owning their own mis-steps. Their shit is falling in all around them and you have to wonder about all that so-called intellect.

If someone is hell bent on telling you how to be...then you have to look at their life with a finer tooth comb. Because what you say and what you live cannot be in opposition...and if they are, then you know they are FULL OF SHIT!

I pride myself on knowing who I AM. I feel everything about the world and I make no apologies for my emotions, for my feelings, for my highly intuitive self. I don't get it right all of the time. I have fucked up...I have made life altering mistakes...I own all of it. But you will never hear me say your life is lived WRONG! I will never say you are too emotional...you are not objective. Because those that say that shit have the worst time of it. I believe if they did feel things their lives wouldn't be falling in around them. And their decisions about how to live and how to love would not cost so much.

I gotta trust what I know. I gotta ponder and discern my history. You don't get to come through what I have come through and not be wiser. My humanity is intact. I love the world. It is not a dark and dangerous place. I am not afraid of folks on the street. I am not worried about the apocalypse. I am not worried about the end of days. Because I am rooted in the here and now. I have seen some crazy shit. I have experienced unspeakable pain and suffering. And yet I choose love.

So no one gets to tell me how to be, how to live. How to feel. How to think. How to process information. How to love. Handle yours. Deal with your loneliness. Find your truth. Discern your life choices. Don't be so quick to judge me and my life. Don't be so quick to tell me about my mistakes, shortcomings..human frailties. Look to where your life has taken you and answer your own questions. I own my shit...all of it...the good...the bad...the very very very ugly.

I have no desire to bully. To point out shortcomings...frailties. I have no interest in being dismissive and short and small. I believe if someone is engaging me in conversation...I am the one blessed. I am not bored by the mundane...the ordinary... the contrite. Everyone matters.

I've had an epiphany. And I am grateful for the way in which the divinity shares with me. I am unapologetic in my strength of emotional connections. I've wasted way too much time in dabbling with pseudo-intellectual pursuits. I seek truth. Not a truth rooted in judgement or right or wrong. But truth that clears the way for greater understanding and clarity on how to live as God would have me to.

Look to your own life and your own decisions before you render judgement on someone Else's life's decisions.

Objectivity has its place, but arrogance in the place of compassion and emotional connection is hollow and lonely. I choose love over fear.

You have no idea how liberating this post is....

9 comments:

flutter said...

sing your truth girl, loud and fucking proud and I will be right here with you!

Soulpower said...

I know where you are, I've heard what you've heard and made the decision that my truth cannot be grounded in science and logic, reasoning and critical thinking alone. To live the truth is to feel it as well. If you step to me to tell me it's wrong, then best keep it moving. No-one should tell you how to live.

clnmike said...

Well said.

Princess Tinybutt said...

that's it, that's all. yes, well said.

Princess Tinybutt said...

it's so much easier for people to do that. to not look at their own lives, not examine their own choices.

Her Side said...

I don't know whether to clap or cry. I know for a fact how liberating that post must be for you, because at late-thirty-something, I am still looking for those words to deal with the cloud overshadowing how my mother and I relate.

It seems so juvenile to have "mommy issues" at age 38, but her primary aim still seems to be directing the way I raise my children, who I marry, where I go etc. And all this from a bitter person who doesn't balance the criticism with encouraging/loving words or advice that I actually ASKED FOR.

It's maddening because it says more to me than she probably realizes. Does she not think she raised me well? Was she more than joking when she said she lives vicariously through me, so she grabbed a joystick? And mostly, how does she continue to miss the truth that I live a good life of kindness, love, and sincerity? (which shows in my children, my fiance, my colleagues, and my friends). I don't need a micro-manager. In fact, managers need not apply AT ALL.

Darnit. I entered therapy through commenting. LOL

I started on this subject at my blog when I discussed relationship advice from bitter folks with freshly wounded hearts. I may have to follow on the subject...

I'm just so glad you got that out and shared your fire with us.

Light & Love said...

WOW! It felt like I was reading a page out of my journal.

My favorite," objectivity has its place, but arrogance in the place of compassion and emotional connection is hollow and lonely. I choose love over fear."

I have a list of mo-fos I could share this with....bastids...lol

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hey there!

Sometimes, people just need to be told to stop offering unsolicited advice...

If you feel that someone is being judgmental, call them out on that. I would say, "hmmm, sounds like you are passing judgment right there, how do you feel your comment should be interpreted?"

That will cause them to take a step back and think about what they just said.

There are people who don't even know how dysfunctional their "stuff" is until someone points it out...

LadyLee said...

Yes it was quite liberating indeed!