Sunday, May 17, 2009


I have learned that if I am unhappy, I only have to stand in the mirror for the source of my so-called unhappiness. There is no other source for my unhappiness but my own heart and mind. No one can make you happy or sad. All that can be had is enhanced state of of whatever already exists. If you are not happy to begin with, no one can come in and wave a magic wand and abra- ka-dabra! Your now HAPPY! and really I mean to say if you don't know your heart ...mind...soul...spirit. No one or nothing can give you that. We cowardly turn our dispositions over to the care and upkeep of someone else. Sometimes undeservedly, sometimes we are lucky. We get lucky to meet someone who allows us to blindly go along because their judgement about how to live and their acceptance of us feels good...feels like love.

Each of us wants things to go our way. We don't want the boat rocked. We don't want one more failed attempt at love to push us further away from possibility of long lasting love.

Yesterday I was wound up because my kids shared with me that their Dad, my Ex is dating. He speaks lovingly to her on the phone, calls her Baby, honey...things he used to call me. I let it get under my skin. I let it linger in my heart and head for 2 days. I talked about with My sister-friend JB. I was stuck. But then I had an epiphany. I was coming at this all wrong. I was coming from a place of lack. I was responding not so much about my Ex and his new found relationship, but rather my own lack of a loveship. I was sad about my own unhappiness of not being in love. I created my own internal drama. I wanted what my EX was experiencing. Why was he seemingly falling in love and not me?

He didn't cause my unhappiness...I DID! I let the myth of unhappiness cloud my joy. I am with who I am supposed to be with...ME! I was not unhappy...I was afraid. I was letting my deepest fears get to me. What if love never comes my way again. DUH! LOVE IS ALL AROUND ME!

I am releasing that myth of unhappiness and reconnecting to my joy. I am in love. I am falling in love with myself and the woman I am right now.


Mizrepresent said...

OMG lovebaz, i have been here before...and i know from experience you will move from this point, in fact you already are. I wondered and tortured myself about how my ex could meet/have a regular girlfriend in just a short amount of time...and how he is still with her. I wondered and ached about my inability to do the same...was love alluding i know that all this time was meant for me (like you) to love myself...and free me from those binds of unhappiness. I am happy now, because i choose too! Great true.

Solomon said...

This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I need to emember to love myself first, and the love I need will then come from within. I need to remember that love can't come from another person, or anything else for that matter.

And yes, love is all around me.

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

I had this great response, then blogger zapped it *sigh*

Okay - I went through the same thing when I found out the ex was seeing one of the girls he cheated on me with and planning to move to her city. How quickly I forgot my grown-woman self facing that reality, LOL!

We become afraid of the unknowing and uncertainty when maybe we should be excited about the possibilities that await us? (easier said than done, I know)

I have met wonderful people and a few men who have caught my attention. I felt better when I realized there were other men out there who had me thinking of loveships.

One day at a time...even if that day is a not so happy one ;)


Southerngirl said...

Thank you sooo much for this. It was EXACTLY what I needed to read today. You always offer such great insights.

Her Side said...

I seem to be having this discussion a LOT with the fiance. He falls into these dark places where he's convinced something out there is the reason for his attitude, behavior, or whatever.

He is especially fond of the idea that he can be loud and overprotective since he's been burnt before. I tell him he's loud and overprotective because... well... he's loud and full of irrational fear. Circumstance only brings out what's already inside. It doesn't cause you to be anything you're not.

Okay... I'm kinda almost off topic... but I want to wholeheartedly agree that our emotional and behavioral traps don't originate with external hunters looking to wreck our worlds. We set them, walk into them, and pinpoint a convenient circumstance to pin with the crime.

Thanks for another great post.

MsKnowitAll said...

Queen Lovebabz... This is a message that has come to me right on time.

I thank you.

Recently I allowed a funk to envelope me knowing good and well that I am not needing nor lacking in love.

I applaud you for the bounce back. You could have easily let this fester and create true unhappiness. You tapped into your magic!

Lovebabz said...

Hey Miz,
Thank you for sharing. Divorce is tough but when the Ex starts dating and you are still grieving. It makes everything hurt all over again.

Love is all around. We get so caught up in so called romantic love that when we are not coupled up we think we are not lovable.

Kay C,
One day at a time is right. This year feels better than last year. Today feels better than yesterday. I am getting further and further away from the pain.

I am glad you heard something that spoke to your heart. Thank you for coming by.

I was wondering where you were LOL!
You are right on point. It takes a lot for people to see that their happiness is their responsibility. You gotta do that intrnal soul work. It begins with Who am I? and What do I want?

Sister we all slip into funks. The key is to recognize it and move through...not run away from. We have all that we need to sustain our joy. ((HUGS))