I have learned that if I am unhappy, I only have to stand in the mirror for the source of my so-called unhappiness. There is no other source for my unhappiness but my own heart and mind. No one can make you happy or sad. All that can be had is enhanced state of of whatever already exists. If you are not happy to begin with, no one can come in and wave a magic wand and abra- ka-dabra! Your now HAPPY! and really I mean to say if you don't know joy...in your heart ...mind...soul...spirit. No one or nothing can give you that. We cowardly turn our dispositions over to the care and upkeep of someone else. Sometimes undeservedly, sometimes we are lucky. We get lucky to meet someone who allows us to blindly go along because their judgement about how to live and their acceptance of us feels good...feels like love.
Each of us wants things to go our way. We don't want the boat rocked. We don't want one more failed attempt at love to push us further away from possibility of long lasting love.
Yesterday I was wound up because my kids shared with me that their Dad, my Ex is dating. He speaks lovingly to her on the phone, calls her Baby, honey...things he used to call me. I let it get under my skin. I let it linger in my heart and head for 2 days. I talked about with My sister-friend JB. I was stuck. But then I had an epiphany. I was coming at this all wrong. I was coming from a place of lack. I was responding not so much about my Ex and his new found relationship, but rather my own lack of a loveship. I was sad about my own unhappiness of not being in love. I created my own internal drama. I wanted what my EX was experiencing. Why was he seemingly falling in love and not me?
He didn't cause my unhappiness...I DID! I let the myth of unhappiness cloud my joy. I am with who I am supposed to be with...ME! I was not unhappy...I was afraid. I was letting my deepest fears get to me. What if love never comes my way again. DUH! LOVE IS ALL AROUND ME!
I am releasing that myth of unhappiness and reconnecting to my joy. I am in love. I am falling in love with myself and the woman I am right now.