I LOVE SEX. I am a highly sexual being. There is nothing more divine than having sex. I love sex so much that I have a blog solely dedicated to the pleasures of sex. I am a woman made for sex. I could have sex everyday...maybe several times a day. I love sex.
But at this point in my life I do not want to have sex with a stranger. I don't want to have sex with someone who cares not for my well being. I do not want to have sex with someone who will have sex with someone new tomorrow. I don't want to have sex with multiple partners over a short period of time....or a long period of time for that matter. I don't not want to have sex in secret. I do not want to have sex as an afterthought. I don't want to have sex with someone who cares not about his own safety. I don't want to have sex in boredom. I do not want to have sex for recreational sport. I don't want casual sex...like wearing jeans and flip flops to the mall.
I want celebratory sex. I want sex that is deliberate. I want sex that is catered to my needs...desires...fantasies. I want to scream his name because I know him. I want sex that catches my breath. I want sex that makes me dream and orgasm in my sleep. I want sex that keeps me wet in my waking hours. I want sex with a man...strong...bold...determined...unafraid..committed...loving...tender. I want sex that binds and connects and reaffirms my beauty to my spirit to my intellect to my heart. I want righteous sex. I want sex without reservation. I want sex that is lush. I want sex with a man who wants me solely. I want sex with a man that knows I was made for him.
I've been fucked...screwed...bent over...made love to. I have been with men I couldn't pick out of a line-up today if I had to. I have had my share of lovers...good ...bad...indifferent. I have long forgotten names of men who I have shared this body with. I have even loved a few...deeply. I have tried everything under the sun...twice...three times. I have been unashamed in my lust. I have fed my big sexual appetite with men from all over the world. I have laid with men who loved me...hated me...even strangers to me. I have collected a lifetime of men in strange places with different faces all up for the act. I've fucked men and kicked them out of my living space: Nope I Sleep Alone---you gotta go---it's been nice---I'll call you.
Marriage changed me. It gave me a safe place to house this sexual appetite. It taught me that love and sex could exist. That to love a man fully was more than just giving him my body. Love meant happily sharing my hopes, dreams, fears, heart. I was at home in marriage. I was suited to it. I can not go back to fucking any old Joe for pleasure. I want the promise of love for a lifetime.
I want my sexual pleasures to be exclusively shared with a like-minded lover. That's it. This is my sexual declaration. I have to care about you, and I have to matter to you. There is no compromising on that. I have to know that you are for me. I have to believe that I am for you. I want all of heaven.
As I maneuver the dating waters I need this clarity. I am not willing to take a man to my bed and have him enter this body because I am horny or that I am bored or lonely or there's nothing else to do. It is sacred. If I believe that and treat it as sacred then the experience when it does happen and it will happen, will be divine. I am not talking sexual tricks and positions and acrobatics. I am talking about when my soul-mate arrives we will both come to it as new lovers. Eager, and excited.