I went to bed last night with too much on my mind. I slept fitfully. Old haunts are back. Slowly I am finding myself worrying about shit. Not a lot but enough to mess with my rest. My mind is racing and I am trying to do a million things all at once. I am not at ease.
When I get like this I tend to be excessive in goings and comings...everything has a sense of urgency. I am moving too fast. I am not in the moment. There is much to do and nothing I am excited about.
That's it! There is nothing that I am excited about! Ah HA! I feel the need to be still and quiet and let the divinity direct me. When I start to notice that nothing excites me then I have to step back, catch my breath and listen. The world can't excite me. The excitement has to be from within.
I am wasting time with things, people and situations that do not make me happy, do not bring me joy or even make me smile. I know better. I have gone over my life with a fine tooth comb. I know real joy and happiness. What I am doing now is pretending and it is not enough. And it's not bringing me what I want. So I am stopping it RIGHT NOW.
I am done wasting time. Now that does not mean I charge through the day like a fool on a mission. I am saying that every activity, every project every interaction with someone has to be one that I find pleasure in. Simple. And that I spend my time with purpose, even if its merely to take a nap. I am not going to fight a nap. (smile)
I am realizing that I have to be totally responsible for my happiness and I can see in areas of my life that I am not. Not deliberately, but not mindful either. So the wasting of time is, I suspect at the heart of a lot that is annoying me at the moment.
AAhhh time for more meditation and discernment on what My time really means to me and how to bring real pleasure into my life.