Tuesday, February 10, 2009


Yesterday on twitter a Sister tweeted (twitter speak for posting) how sad and hurt she was for the recent ending of her marriage. I could feel her pain. I can always feel her sense of sadness and despair and hurt in her tweets. Even her photo of herself is sad. You can see the hurt in her eyes and overall expression in that little tiny photo. What struck me more than anything was my willingness to say it will get better.

It struck me funny that I would say that to someone! I mean I know that pain. Here I am 2 years out from my marriage with the divorce being finalized as I write. It seems so long ago that I was so distraught and deeply wounded by the ending of my marriage. A marriage that I fully held in high regard and thought truly til death do us part. The revelation of that not being true hurt like hell. And left me feeling inadequate, lonely and worthless.

Love is in the air! I am so no that woman today. It is amazing what the human spirit can endure and get through if we but only keep our eyes lifted and our hearts open. Our first instinct in the ending our of loveships is to shut down and retreat. But if you do the internal work of healing and caring for yourself and your heart, then love will certainly show up. The Course in Miracles says Love waits on welcome not on time. It is never about time. It is all about what you are open to. And being open means being fearless. Or maybe that is hard to digest. Perhaps I can say, not letting the fear paralyze you or cripple you , or keep you from moving about the world with an open heart. I use my fear to propel me out in the world and into a loving existence.

I am now excited about dating. Just a few weeks ago I was terrified. But my beautiful children reminded me in their wacky-ass way..."Mom you gotta get out and wear high heels and get a nice man who will like us too" and I knew in that moment God was whispering go...live free!

So to that Sister on twitter who's heart is broken and everything seems dismal and hurts and you think maybe you can go back or second guess your decisions or his decision. HOLD ON! HOLD ON! Brighter days really are ahead. That you will notice the sun shining and the sound of yourself laughing will be like an old friend returning. You will catch a glimpse of your new self in the mirror and know in that moment that yes you've come far, but look how FABULOUS YOU ARE NOW!


Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

You already know that I agree, whole-heartedly :)

Just over a year ago, I was nursing my heartache and pain of a divorce thinking I would NEVER let my heart go through that again. What a difference that time has made!

Sadness does come across even in pictures. I cringe at some of the pictures from a few years ago.

You were right to tell her that it does get better. Because if you put in the work, indeed it does!

Terry said...

Anything you invest your heart into that doesn’t pan out is going to hurt. It’s what makes all of us human; we have the ability to truly care about something.

It’s natural to be sad and even feel lonely when our hearts are left to break. Oddly, the pain lets us know what we really love.

But eventually you have to come to the conclusion that not all things are meant to be. That circumstances change and a different path is placed in front of you. It may never seem fair and certainly we can never always know why. But God does in fact have a way of protecting us from ourselves. If you listen, eventually you will find a new place to rest your heart. Someplace better, someplace safe.

The hard part is getting out of your own way and listening.

Solomon said...

Your frikend on twitter will be just fine as long as she has you as a friend Lovebabz.

You really know how to make someone in need feel better, You aren't even talking to me and your message helped me today.

You are a good and caring friend to this woman that you hardly know. That says a lot about your good character too.


Lovebabz said...

Hello Sister Kay C,
It is amazing what a photo wil capture!

It does indeed get better and it is hard to see it when you are in the midst of all that sadness. But you and I know first hand that it does get better.

YES! this has been what this blog is about listening to my inner self and trying to connect to it. Nurture it and move it forward in grand style.

Hello! I just hope she knows there are kindred spirits and loving hearts on twitter and that she always has a safe place here to read and take in.

Her Side said...

Oh God. For some reason I keep running across stories of woe and hurt. And in many cases, the memory of surviving my own heartbreaking divorce gets vivid - almost like a mechanism for empathy.

I recently found a blog by a gentleman who had his girlfriend of 7 years walk out on him... just 1 year after he proposed and she said "yes." [The Breakup Diaries] I will follow his story to the end, because I am fascinated by relationships and what happens to the human heart when those relationships are 'the best and the worst of times.'