Saturday, February 7, 2009

MY WORD IS MY BOND...REALLY?

I learned a very good life lesson this weekend. See I approached Torrance, Raw Dawg Buffalo and Kelso last summer to do Raw Dawg Buffalo Radio. I believe then as I do now that we could have a lively discussion based on topics Torrance would choose or we would use from his blog. So far so good.

Well the last couple of shows have been very combative. Mainly my feelings got hurt because I felt attacked and maligned. Perhaps this a bit heavy handed, but these are my feelings nonetheless. I have vented my feelings to Sista GP and have asked her to step in to produce the show. I did this without even having a conversation with my partners Torrance and Kelso. I was mad. I just wanted to remove myself from this, thinking I would feel better and be done with it. I am wrong all the way around and I know it for sure.

But the truth of the matter is, I was acting like a brat. I was running away from something that was causing me discomfort and instead of making those feelings known I internalized, pouted and withdrew. I have done this all of my life. If I am really upset I withdraw. I get quiet. I disappear. I stop talking and I go about the world as if the thing that caused me pain didn't exist.

Torrance reminded me that your word is your bond. That you do what you say you are going to do. Never in my life has this resonated with me until this morning. NO one has ever called me out on not keeping my word...EVER. He texted me and reminded me that He put his time, faith and trust in me and here I am walking out. I am walking out in a very cowardly and petty way. It was like a light bulb went off...an epiphany. I understand. My actions are connected to others commitment. Not to mention dragging Sista GP into this drama, who only wanted to help and be the voice of calm and reason.

I created this drama. So what to do when you lose some credibility with folks? What to do when you have to try to salvage trust? Hhmm perhaps there are more life lessons here than I originally thought.

Regardless of what happens I learned something about HONOR, VALOR and LOVE. My word is all I got. My actions are all I got. I can talk shit all day but what am I willing to do and what do I stand for.

THANKS TORRANCE, KELSO AND SISTA GP FOR TEACHING ME. I am afterall a woman in transition.

11 comments:

Sista GP said...

That's what friends are for...

Vérité Parlant said...

Good introspection and willingness to lay yourself bare. :-)

dc_speaks said...

Morning, lady. Learning a lesson and makin it your own is a huge step towards emotional recovery. I'm sure the people that you were working with still view you as an upstanding individual.
Keep your head up!

Peace!

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

u good folk
we good folk

wealways gone be folk

Organized Noise said...

Like yourself, I pull back when faced with problems instead of confronting them. This post will definitely serve as a reminder to me (and others, I'm sure) to keep to your word. Besides, in most cases, your word is all you have.

clnmike said...

Very good, it always best to take on your issues head on and get the battle over with.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hello there,

I am not sure that I know all that is involved but I do know this... black women have A RIGHT to change their minds if they feel they are being disrespected or disregarded.

Yes... I have given my word...but I give my word to be a contributor based on ASSUMPTIONS that I will be valued and respected.

No...I will not continue to keep my word when people do not fail to meet MY expectations for joining the effort in the beginning.

If you signed on to this and gave your word KNOWING THAT there would be combative exchanges then yes...you should continue to keep your word. If you gave your word and the behavior of others was NOT what you anticipated when you agreed to participate, then YES...you are being appropriate by refusing to continue participation.

Participation comes with expectations. It is not a character flaw to have expectations of others and to give them consequences when they fail to meet them.

As I said...I don't know all of the particulars of this situation you have mentioned so my comment here may not apply to your decisions specifically....

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

Girl of a thousand names, including Sister P said...

Wow! Hadn't been by in while and dropped in on this, LOL. I agree that your word is your bond. In the teachings I subscribe to we say, "Word is bond and bond is life. I will give my life before my word shall fail."

But I also agree with Lisa that your word can change. You just have to state it and that is that!

I pray that you are doing what is right for you and not doing anything out of guilt.

As always, I wish you peace beautiful sis!

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Lovebabz: I knew that there was no way this team would or could break up so suddenly and over political, pedagogical and philosophical points of view in the very "we ain't playin" arena that YOU wanted.

That's why I decided not to call or write to either you or Torrance this weekend because there was no point. I assumed that if Torrance was in contact with you, he would probably be saying many of the things I would have and the last thing you needed was to have what was irking you about the show replayed in our private lives.

In the waning minutes of the penultimate show, we each revealed some very personal things about the burdens we carry and some of the choices we've made and some of the random occurrences that placed those burdens upon us individually.

Living with these burdens outside of blog and blog-radio lange add to why each of us, I believe, can bring something real to the show each week. There's nothing any of the three of us have faced personally which wasn't a tighter spot than just disagreement and passion over a US government we're skeptical about and an American social contract that rises about to the level of morality of the Saudi social contract.

It's a Stanislavsky/Boleslasvsky exercise we do, I think -- tapping into the anger, love, passion, and good sense we have from life's lessons -- to bring to issues large and small in the human crazy quilt.

All your emotional reactions mean to me is that you have emotions and feel them strongly enough to be a good friend, to produce a good show and present good ideas passionately on it. I know that you are a sensitive person (in the sense of strength and understanding, not of weakness) and knowing the burdens the three of us carry individually would never intentionally add to those for any malign reason.

Everything's fine. As I wrote to you privately, you owed me no apologies whatsoever.

I look forward to Thursday.

Lovebabz said...

Sista GP
Thank you kindly for the gift of friendship!

Verite Parlant
All I can do is be bare...naked and hoepfull clothed myself in common sense and love.

dc speaks
Thank you appreciate your kind sentiments.

Torrance
You are a treasure.

Organized Noise
I am doing my best to break that habit and say hurt when I am hurt...just as I laugh when things are funny.

Clnmike
I am woman for taking things direct and head on!

Blackwomenblowthetrumpet
Youa re so right on so many level. However I do have to own my own part in feeling hurt. I trust my instincts. What I have trouble with is staying for the fight and making clear my feelings on things that matter to me. It always apelasure when you come by and weigh in on my posts. Thank you.

Girl of a thousand names including Sister P
It is so nice to have you drop by. I am making my way in the world as best as I can. Trying to honor my word and do what I am saying I am going to do.

Kelso's Nuts
You are amazing and I am grateful for your clarity and your friendship. Thank you kindly for being such a stand-up guy!

Aunt Jackie said...

this was a very interesting read, especially since i produce for a living.

i have boundaries in my professional and business life and when those boundaries are crossed there are consequences. In the last project I produced lines were crossed and i made it unequivocally clear that I would be willing to walk away from a check in order to keep my integrity in tack.

I don't cry wolf.
I don't fuss.
I'm willing to fight, although in the end I defend my peace and peace of mind.

Best wishes to you in you endeavors!