Saturday, August 9, 2008


Yesterday was exhausting. Tough. I just want to cry about every fucking thing. I am stuck in a way that I can't quite figure out. I almost feel like I don't know which way to go. It's like my internal compass is on vacation or something.

I mean I have shit to do. I have lists of to-dos and and of course there's always my when hell freezes over files. But still nothing is motivating me. None of my usual jumpstart tools are working. I am stuck. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of OZ, which way do I go now toto? Yeah I know, follow the yellow brick road. But what do you do when the yellow brick road is well... gone?

I don't think I am whining. I do not feel like I am whining. I feel tired. Even a romantic optimist has moments when she is just t.i.r.e.d.! I feel like I have been carrying the weight of the world and the world is enormously heavy. I feel like I have been in the ring for one too many bouts.
I feel like a motherless child. That's it! I need some mothering.

I don't think you ever get too grown for mothering. Someone to take care of you, rub your shoulders, make you chicken soup and tuck you in with a great bedtime story. I need some mothering. All this time I thought it was just sex (OH YES I NEED THAT TOO) but really I need to be smothered in mother's love. I want to sit on the couch with my blankie and be held while watching my favorite movies: Auntie Mame--the Rosalind Russell Version, The Women, Sounder and Daughters of the Dust. I want to be petted. I want to be listened to, I want a shoulder to cry on and I want to hear: There, there baby, it will all be alright. I want someone else to make the decisions for a little while. I want to be sssshhed into a nap. I want to be mothered. Just for a bit. Just until I regain my super powers. I want a surprise note in the mail...not a fucking bill. I want a happiness call. I want to laugh. I want someone to be kind to me. I need some mothering.

I need some mothering right away.


flutter said...

I cannot even begin to tell you how much I want my mom right now.

Oy! You deserve a mom hug and some cookies

Lovebabz said...

Oh yes I could use a hug(s)!...and those delicious vegan chocolate chip cinnamon cookies!

Monica said...

OMG! Here you go again... musing me! I miss my mother so much!

Lovebabz said...

Yes I do believe I am missing my Mum! becuase I know if she were here I could just go over to her house and be 9 years old with a boo boo and she would just magically make everything feel better!

Trina said...

I love how you keep it SO mom is wonderful but has never been a super nurturing-type, so I have always had to do things myself and be around people who are naturally nurturing to make up for it when I needed that extra-tlc...I feel you tho'! %)

A Go Bytch said...

Well I'm truly a daddy's girl but I feel you Lovebabz...surround yourself with loving friends a good balance of the realist and the optimistics shall do....

I should send my roommate over to you for a while. She's mother-like.

I hope you feel better sweetie.I've been there not too long ago like last week 'ish. I too felt that I'd just lost my way.

Sounds similar?

Have a good weekend hun!

Lovebabz said...

Sister Trina,
Good for you! I think I need to hang out with my super nuturing friends for a bit.

Hey AGB,
The good thing is that I do have a good group of "True Love" friends who know how to take care of me when I call!

My kids got up this morning wanting to hear Christmas was lovely and has lifted my spirits tremendously!

alto artist said...

I know it isn't much consolation, but sending you a virtual hug--I hope you feel better soon!


Jennifer said...

Today, Anne Lamott speaks better than I ever could on this subject.

"I am militantly and maternally on my own side. I believe in failure, false starts, lots of mistakes, and falling down."

Because sometimes a grown woman has to mother herself!

Lovebabz said...

Thanks Alto Artist, you cyber hug is much appreciated!

Sister Jennifer,
I love that quote! It is so fitting! Thank you!

Tony OH said...

I truly know the feeling....since losing my mom last year it has really been difficult for me to focus and the bills keep piling up!

This too shall pass!

Intimate Outings of Love

Lovebabz said...

Hey Tony OH,

I am need of a real hug, some pampering and momalicious snacks!

The bills are all in stride.