Tuesday, August 5, 2008


I am not like most folks who demonize fairy tales. I do not believe they are the root cause of all the bad communication issues in relationships. I do believe there is a perception problem and that most folks get it backwards when they look and think about fairy tales.

I believe fairy tales offer a hopefulness about love that seems to be fleeting minute by minute. We never hear stories about ALL FOR LOVE. But for me the biggest misconception about fairy tales is that women are waiting on Prince Charming. Someone to rescue them and treat them like princesses forever and ever and ever.

NO! For me the real story lies in the way we see ourselves and not believing that we are already princesses if you will. No, I do not mean pampered and spoiled, but regal, daring and smart. Imagine if Cinderella had high self esteem. Nothing her stepmother or stepsisters could have said or done would have broken her spirit. The Prince already saw her as beautiful before she glamoured up and went to the ball. The fairy God mother told her too...but Cindy didn't see herself as worthy...she thought if only she had the clothing...the packaging, then she would be worthy and acceptable. When the Prince showed up and saw her in her rags he knew it was her...he didn't see her in rags, all he saw was his one true love. It was never about her clothes! She just had to believe that she was already worthy, good enough regardless of what she wore. The real meaning of the story isn't about Prince Charming, but rather Cinderella understanding that the Prince loved her and saw her as she really was, regal, daring and smart. And that her real beauty had nothing to do with clothes, shoes and a carriage with six white horses. Her real beauty was her spirit, housed in a body that she thought wasn't packaged good enough.

My favorite tale is Beauty and the Beast. It is the best example I know in accepting love as it shows up. It is easy to love folks who are beautiful and well put together. Always looking like they are minutes from a Vogue photo shoot. But is takes real spirit to see beyond the physical and to look with an open heart. It is easy to allow outside forces to dictate what our choices ought to be. There is so much in the world that would narrow our perceptions of who we are and what love looks like. It is easy to sit alone night after night wondering where love is. We miss out on so much by our own design and actions. We let the world tell us who we are rather than listening to ourselves and trusting our hearts and minds.

Love does not wait on time...it waits on welcome--a course in miracles

I am taking a page from the fairy tales, I am raising my sword of honor, I am jumping on my trusty steed and off I go into the world already in love! Happily EVER NOW!


sista gp said...

I was thinking this morning how girls start out looking for the man of her dreams.
She may find a man that matches the dream man physically; she may find one that matches emotionally.
And even a match in spirituality. She can spend a lifetime looking for a perfect match. What she needs to do is to prioritize what characteristics are most important and understand that there is no "perfect" man. It is how she sees him as being "perfect" for her.

Lovebabz said...

Hey Sista-Cuz,

You are right there is no universal "perfect anybody" there is however someone destined for us all if only we are truly ready for real love and happiness.

LadyLee said...

Well shoot... this was an excellent take on our common fairy tales. Wish I would've realized all these things when I was a young girl!

Lovebabz said...

Hey Ladylee,

Thank you! I just felt like fairy tales had a bigger message than some prince charming rescuing a damsel in distress!

I am the one that I want!

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

u belive in prince charming too and pumpkins turning into caddilacs lol

Lovebabz said...

No Torrance,

That is not what I believe! You missed the point...(smile)

I believe that we are already worthy as we are. No one has to come in and tell me my value.

T. Michelle Theus said...

Love does not wait on time...it waits on welcome--a course in miracles

I love that! I will have to save that for future reference :)

And I agree there is nothing wrong with fairytales but many of us miss out on the fairytale loving because we give up our power never realizing that we even possessed it in the first place. Loving yourself is something that can be encouraged by parents but ultimately it is a journey you have to embark on alone and for yourself. Good luck and God bless to all of us! (smile)

BTW - I think I love your blog! I'll be back :-p

Lovebabz said...

Hell & Welcome Sister T. Michelle Theus.

I am so happy you found somethin g in this post that speaks to your heart and spirit.

I swear of late fairy tales have been getting a bad rap. I just wanted to offer my own thinking about them differently.

Come back as often as you like. Youa re welcome here anytime!

zellmer said...

I hear ya. Fairy Tales are the root of much of a woman's disappointment in life. I got married too young because I bought into the fairytale. I saw myself in the dress, carrying the flowers, in all those glossy pictures, but never stopped to imagine myself in the marriage. Needless to say, I'm divorced now, but remarried to my real prince, who I didn't need a fancy dress to marry.

nikki said...

see, that's the problem i always had with cinderella...how come she needed the prince to realize her self-worth? i mean, if not for him, would she have just gone through the story and remained the unhappy slave for her stepfolk?

i would love a fairytale where the true love story began with self, cuz then a person chooses the mate because they want the mate, not cuz they need the mate.

those are the love stories that end in happily every after as far as i'm concerned.

Lovebabz said...

Hey Nikki,

We all need someone to support our growth. And most time it takes a caring sould to tell us/show us that we indeed have value. I don't think the Prince is bad. I think Cindy just needed to see what Prince baby saw! And sometime we have to see ourselves as others see us. The trick is getting the right somebody to see our glory and beauty.

A Go Bytch said...

I agree with sista gp...anyone in search of the perfect man has truly set themselves up for much disappointment.

Lovebabz...there probably is a perfect guy out there. Perfect for you and nobody else...

But something my friend said made a lot of since. Love (relationship love...not the love from God) is not for everybody. We all have a reproduction system but not all of us will have children.

But the thing I think is for everybody is Happiness!

That's my peace....

Go B.

Lovebabz said...

A Go Bytch,

Yes I agree everyone deserves happiness. The love of God is the same love as any love we experience in our loveships, with our children and spouses and lovers. All love is the same enduring and abiding experience.

I want the love of a man as Christ has for the church and those that call themselves christian.

Mizrepresent said...

Go Girl! I love it! And Beauty and the Beast was also one of my favorite fairytales. I hear ya, we are worthy, we are already queens, and whomever doesn't recognize it, is at a lost! Happily ever after TOO!

Lovebabz said...

Hey Miz!

I am still buzzing after reading about all the joy you experienced with all the other others and booksellers!

Yes, when WE know our own value in the world eveyone else will too!