Yesterday's post sparked today's post! I have several sound conversations with people I really like yesterday. About intimacy and relationships and what I need in my life. The most amazing thing was the post from my Blog Sister The Bear Maiden :see, the problem is that when you have a life and kids you can't just go "out there" and it pisses me off when people say you should. "You need a booty call" but I don't think people like us are meant for "booty calls". We nurture, we care, we create safe spaces. That's what we do. And I don't know how to turn that off, nor do I particularly want to. So I can't say I agree with your brother.
On top of that I had a long conversation with That Johnson Boy Said What? in that conversation I said I was an intimacy phobe. But really I am not. What I am is fearful about being intimate and vulnerable and then having it be used as a whipping stick against me---like in my marriage. Yes I said FEARFUL! There are still some fear left in me, albeit not much! This notion of intimacy and vulnerability is perhaps my last area of improvement that I was not willing to open up to or own. I am throwing open the curtains and letting the light in on this. No sense being afraid of the dark.
My Blog Brother Xavier is constantly reminding me that I have a Love List. He says: "Ahh Love, you have a Love List refer to it" OK. He is so right.
So I have decided that I am just going to have more fun, continue to enjoy my life, seek out friendships that nurture and enhance my big life. I am going to love full throttle! I am taking my time. I am enjoying the ride. I am being still and letting the universe create for me the right mate. There is no rush. As the light streams in, I will allow the beauty that is in me to grow and grow and grow.