Wednesday, June 18, 2008


My childhood abuse at the hands of my father is not a secret. I have talked about it in my role as a support group facilitator in my "Rape Crisis Services" days. I have been interviewed in the media about it. It has been brought up in my sentencing. I have blogged about it, here and at other sites.

It is no longer my secret, or my shame.

What still hurts me is the fact that at this moment as I type there are girls/children being sexually abused in secret...although nothing is ever a secret...someone knows or supsect but remains silent (sigh). What hurts me still is the fact that there isn't enough outrage over these crimes. The R Kelly shit is painful. Painful because folks were outside cheering. Folks bought the video, folks defended his behaviour.

I know what it's like to not be protected. I know what it's like to have people take advantage of you. My father raped me and then sold me to his friends and acquaintances for MONEY! I have worked hard to stand in this space as a free woman, in my right mind and loving. I have not lost my connection to humanity. I have not lost my ability to love. I have not lost my ability to know happiness. I have not lost my spirit to live and live well.

The sexual abuse of children is nasty business. It breaks your spirit, it robs you of your innocence. And for most who survive, they never are whole again. It is hard to overcome. It is hard to get past it. It is hard to accept. It is hard. I am divinely lucky. For whatever reasons, God has delivered me here. I will never forget. What I can do is live a life that is filled with love, laughter, hopes and dreams and good intentions all around. I do.

R Kelly is dangerous, as with ALL child molesters and predators of children, they do not stop. There is no cure. They will continue as long as WE are silent and turn a blind eye. He and others like him will go on and they will do more harm. They will steal and destroy the hearts and souls of children.

Here is a link to a post of a Sister-blogger Kim Pearson over at Blogher on her outrage and call to conscience with links to a petition. Check it out and raise your voice in outrage.


CapCity said...

As I've heard dear Love: Hurt people hurt people. I'm not excusing Brother R.Kel'z actions - but i DO wish the brother would seek help cuz i feel that he's also a silent victim of abuse. It's rarely discussed that men/boys are also victims of sexual assault & incest - but when i heard R.Kelly's interview & description of his love for his mother it seemed to cross some lines ... there was more than love of a son in his responses. i love my Father more than life itself - but never wanted to marry my own father...

Sending Healing Hugz & Prayers to all who've experienced any painful abusive interaction. It's a vicious circle that needs to end & can only be done with Love, prayer & LOTS of counseling.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

and he is on the loose

Lovebabz said...

Yes he may well be a victim of abuse...but so what. Abuse does not give you the greenlight to harm other children. At the end of the day he is an adult making decisons. Abuse is a choice. You can not molest children or you can molest children. I was abused and I do not abuse children. I am not trying to compare myself to that man, or he to me. What I am saying is the first line of help is admitting you have a problem then stopping and getting help.

Yes he is on the loose and history bears this out...he will harm another child.

Aunt Jackie said...

R Kelly give my best friend's niece a fist full of cash in the hopes he'd get invited to her 12th birthday party...true story.

her mother went the hell off, and he backed off.

I work in entertainment so i see many sides of this story. I see young girls as young as 11 and 12 traveling the country if not the world to make money often to support their families.

Ask Kimora how old she was when she met Russel and then find out how old he was...She was really really damn young. Some where between 12 and 14.

R Kelly and men like him are beyond help. They have no incentive to stop their behaviour, and if it were my baby girl...I'd kill him!

I know many survivors, many of which who live in secrecy and or shame while so many abusers stand tall and free...

What's that about? Really...

Lovebabz said...

We do not value children. We do not beleive children. We do not prosecute molestors or predators. In order for them to get any real jail time, they have to commit murder couple with some other kidnapping.

When children tell, it is usually after many years of living with this shame as their own. And if they do tell their life is raked over the coals as if they somehow enticed, brought on or enocuraged the abuse.

I spent many years working in thsi field. I walked away because I had enough and needed to save myself.

R Kelly will do it again and again. He has money and people around him who are willing to hide this shameful mess and keep him supplied with children for his sexual pleasures.


Mizrepresent said...

I never knew of your abuse, but i feel for you. AT a very young age i was abused by my i know of this silent rage that continues within us as we grow. WE question ourselves every step of the way, we wonder if we brought this upon ourselves, and most times, all the time, we didn't. As far for R.Kelly, i agree he needs help, there is something there that needs addressed and soon. My blessings to you Lovebaz, my prayers for you as well.

CapCity said...

Sistah Love - i hope u don't think i ConDONE R.Kelly nor ANY other predators. I'm just saying that SADLY DERANGED individuals will NEVER ALL be caught, convicted, controlled. As u said yourself: "I spent many years working in thsi field. I walked away because I had enough and needed to save myself."

In my HUMBLE OPINION: The BEST thing WE SANE Adults who DO love children CAN do is PROTECT them BY EDUCATING THEM. I am blessed that the Adults in my family taught ME that young fools GROW into OLD fools & we were to give adults cursory respect - but were NOT to SIMPLY do whatEVER an adult TOLD us JUST because they were ADULTS. I am THANKFUL that I was TAUGHT to listen to my OWN GOOD sense of judgment! If I felt UNCOMFORTABLE with an adult I QUICKLY left their company & generally sought out an adult ally to be near.

Sadly, as U say not all adults are allies. I remember teaching my eldest nephew when he was VERY young to call to speak to adult authorities when he felt threatened and I watched with dismay as time & again he was hung up on by "authorities" who thought he was "just a kid". Sometimes, children are forced to do DRASTIC things to get the needed attention & protection...

i continue to pray for the sickness that lives rampantly in this world...

Lovebabz said...

Thank you for sharing your abuse story. It is a very silent crime. I talked about it during the month of April because Ali's Zay was raising awareness about April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

I know darn well you were not condoning R Kelly or any other molester's behaviour. It makes sense to try to make sense out senseless acts of violence. Prayers are divine!

Kieya said...

I share your well as your pain. It took awhile for me to even acknowledge that I had been through it too - I blocked it out - but then I started working with teenage girls, most of whom had been sexually abused, assaulted & gang raped. Thats why R Kelly & what this case implied boils my blood. Its not fair that these grown men go after little girls and then get by the with excuse "she looked grown". Its not fair that people say "she wanted it". Its not right at all.

Lovebabz said...

Yes it boils my blood too. It is baffling to me how our community is not calling for his ass to go to jail.

I think shedding light on these crimes will hoepfully one day stop them.

Keep up the good work with young is valuable and holy.

MsKnowitAll said...

r. kelly's acquittal of all charges is clearly indicative that his money and popularity outweigh the emotional effects of performing lewd acts with a child.

even if it was consensual, who looks out for girl children? who tells girl children that they should be little girls who play with dolls and toys, not sexual pawns willing and able to please any sick man's appetite.

first off, it took 6 years for him to get acquitted. that's ridiculous right there that it took 6 years for this case to go to trial and i actually saw the tape 1 & 1/2 years before he was formally charged.

The Tribune reported after the verdict came in June 13: “Many jurors believed Kelly was the man in the tape, but they couldn’t be sure that his goddaughter was the female. . . . ‘Most of us felt that maybe it was Kelly, maybe not,’ said juror John Petrean, a Romanian immigrant. ‘But nobody could agree if it was her.’”

this is the craziest thing to me. i hurt for this girl/woman who went through this. i pray for you Sister Lovebabz, and those of US who have been taken advantage of.

Lovebabz said...

You are on point and I am feeling you big time. Children cannot consent to sex, even if they do say yes, they are children. Even if young girls want to be grown women, they are still children. He is a Grown Man and certainly can tell the difference between a Grown Woman and a child.

Danie said...

I'm so happy you posted this...I've been trying to wrap my head around this for a while and being that I'm from CHI town, it's been heavy in the news...this verdict angered me on so many levels...Angry at the family of the victim for not taking this to the cops (why did it take a reporter to get this to the police?), angry at the system for dropping the ball (not being able to include ALL the other tapes found in florida on a legal technicality), angry at R Kelly for his arrogence and refusal to admit he is SICK, and angry at the fans (most female) who continue to blame the victim...the whole story is sad, sad sad..and the truth's happening so much in our communities and people have such lame excuses (ie:"well girls nowadays look so dang grown", etc). I am angry but not surprised...

Lovebabz said...

Hi Danie,
It is frustrating and heart-breaking. Just keep the faith. Raise your voice as best as you can.

The Artist In Me said...

Every time I hear your story knowing that yours in just one of many, it makes me ill. How could anyone want to hurt a defenseless child? A child that has no ability to make the choice to say yes or no, but told what to do? It's sickening....absoulutely SICKENING!

What I do know is this: Those that feel they are getting away, never truly do. I refuse to believe that those that are predators of any sort don't go through mental anguish daily behind what they have done.

We must continue to bring awareness to the issue of abuse...put it on blast really, as well as many others too.

Be blessed!

Lovebabz said...

Hey Sister AIM!

Sister as long as good people are willing to turn on the lights and keep them on, we get get closer to ending sexual abuse of children.