I had several discussions with several different women about finding partners, lovers, mates, significant others, husbands. In those conversations what I found most striking was the emphasis on looks. He has to be tall, he has to be built like a football player, he has to be tough, he has to be a little thuggish. He can't be short, he can't be ugly, he can't be dull, he can't be too soft--meaning effeminate...sigh. Then after all that is said, then content of character, heart, kindness and common sense are a distant second...clearly a distant second. No wonder our loveships are dismal. We are focused on things that have no bearing on love. Being tall is no indication of kindness, or ability to love. Being built like a football player does not denote a gentle spirit and a commitment to world peace. All those physical attributes speak to physical attraction. And attraction is just the appetizer. Appetizer by definition is any small portion that stimulates a desire for more or that indicates more is to follow.
So I am revisiting my Love List, because I am clear about what I want in a loveship. As I said to my women friends. How ever he shows up with the qualities I deem important and necessary will be the man for me. Packaging is just that...packaging. How something is wrapped can be exciting but it gives no hint of what is inside. You know when you get that box of assorted chocolates and you have to stick you finger into each one to see if its one you will like, because no matter how yummy it looks it could taste nasty on the inside. The body just houses the spirit and it is the spirit that I am drawn to. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and beauty is fleeting and again no real indication of ability to love.
I am not better or more enlightened than the next Sister. I just know that when men go to marry women they are clear. They are not looking for the chick in the club every weekend, or the women with the biggest tits, or the roundest butt. They are looking for women that can help make a house a home. They are looking for partners and helpmates and yes a lover. But most importantly self actualized men want women who are themselves self actualized.
I am willing to wait for my beloved to arrive with my eyes wide open. I am prepared to see him as he is and who is. I am not interested in changing anyone, I am not interested in potential, I am not interested in past successes or losses. I am engaged in the here and now. The appetizer is delicious, but I much prefer the full course...dessert included!