Enough of the bullshit. You know and I know that he/she isn't worth the time of day. He/She plays you well. He/She isn't horrible, but he/she isn't absolutely great either. And I know and can appreciate not being absolutely great. But damn it, don't you deserve someone who wants what you want?
When do you let go and say enough already. If you are spending time making excuses as to why you need him/that/them/those/ whatever your deal is, then perhaps you need to look elsewhere for satisfaction. It is so easy to get sucked into the abyss of being supportive. We all do it. I have done it these last 2 years. I have been Girl-Friend, Angel, Protector, Sympathizer, Understanding Friend, Lover. All the while eating shit and not getting what I want. And I hate when a MoFo tries to play like you have no idea what you want and that what you have with them is all you gonna get so be happy. Nope. Wrong thinking. Just because someone says what they think of you, doesn't mean it's true.
Here's my epiphany: FOLD. GET UP AND WALK THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE TABLE.
Because if you don't, you will lose all your self respect and you become some one's slave. By all means play the hand you are dealt until you are ready to leave the game. But know you can and must leave the game. If you have to address simple behavioral mess in a relationship then you have no relationship. For example if your lover disappears on a Friday and and hasn't checked in to tell you what's the plan, or checked to see if you had any ideas. You are not in a relationship. If you call him on his cell and he doesn't get back to you for several days you are not in a relationship. This is not my deal. But I have heard enough of this from folks that I gotta scream on it.
We are afraid to say what we need to say to someone because we don't want to run them off. We don't
want to rock the relationship boat and we don't want to be "that woman" who is always checking a man. I am going to say it again: FOLD. GET UP AND WALK THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE TABLE. Because if you don't you will lose all your self respect. And some of you already lost it...but you can get it back.
You know what losing your Self respect is. You know exactly what is means to swallow truth for the sake of living in a lie. You know what it means to accept the bullshit excuse because the truth will leave you alone. And being alone is a lot of work because you can't bear the sound of your own voice and you have somehow defined your self-worth attached to someone who does not value you. So you accept and rejoice in the fact that you at least have someone. That you have invested time with someone. They are not perfect, but you are not looking for perfect, right? This is the shit we order all the time and we choke because we can't eat it. I have long since given up ordering from that menu...I know my worth and I know what I can tolerate and it doesn't matter that I just figured it our yesterday. I know it today.
Uggh! I do not want to be this person. I can't tolerate this around me, because all I want to do is slap them. And that's no way to be with friends. So I stand by and wait with a bottle of wine, good chocolates and sage words of comfort until they decide to finally get up from the table and walk the fuck away. But we know this deal...they go back and happily order more shit. And we stand there shaking our heads and praying this time it works for them.
Sigh. All I can do is become more of myself and put some distance between who they are and where I am going.