The last several days have been quite illuminating. I was stunned to realize that I am lonely...really lonely. Not the I-don't-have-anything-to-do kind of loneliness. The kind of loneliness that moves with you as you go about your day. It is the looking up and realizing there is no one there to catch your hand, share a joke, cuddle with. It's knowing you are alone and there is no one you want to be with, or anyone who wants to be with you. I have great friends, but they have commitments and lovers, and kids and full lives. This is real loneliness that requires more than just filling my days with endless activities. And wishing for some magical man to make passionate love to me. If only it were that simple.
I think the way to move through this new awareness is to respect the fact that I know what I am feeling. I can name it. Make room for it and move on and continue to do what I need to be doing. The key here is not to stop and wallow and lament the loneliness. The train has to keep moving. Loneliness is not a pit stop. Or maybe it is...for a minute. dear loneliness, get in line take a number. There are other issues vying for my full attention and I am just one woman trying to make my way.
Big Mark 243 left this comment yesterday....
Let the momentum pull you through... you don't have to 'do' as much as you should simply 'be'. The way is there and you know it, so continue on your path. Wise advice to which I am going to take.
I am not ignoring my loneliness, it won't let me anyway. I am going to continue to feel what I am feeling. Continue building my life. Enjoying the pleasures that come my way and be open for companionship, partnership and true love when it shows up. Gone are the days of trying to mask the pain, or fill the empty spaces with foolishness and mayhem. I am done running.