We were locked into a heated argument about my reluctance to talk about our communication problems. It all came to the final end when he said to me: I DON'T SEE ANY REMORSE IN YOU FOR THE CRIME YOU COMMITTED. ARE YOU REMORSEFUL? I was STUNNED! Stunned that he would come in at the tail end of one of the most life changing events in my life and say some stupid shit like that. I have paid for my crime. I have served the time I was required to. I have been on my knees to GOD and have been forgiven. To sit and listen to someone expecting me to be stuck in that place of sadness, desperation and humiliation is not what I want to be doing. Nor is this someone I want to be with. To have someone who claims to love me, sitting in judgement as though I owe him some sort of explanation is bullshit. My life is right now. Not what I did almost 10 years ago. So needless to say I told him to go away. We are no longer friends. We are no longer anything at all to each other.
This Summer has been amazing. The lessons learned have be invaluable. I've gained back my sexual self confidence that I thought was lost to me. I gained a renewed sense of being a woman who loves deeply and heartily. I am hitting my stride.
I realize that I need a different kind of partner who puts the wind in my sails. Who greets me in the morning with a happy heart, a big smile and laughter. Who is not interested in making me feel less than the amazing and beautiful woman that I am.
Oh this man and I are over and a manifesto is born!
So here is my Manifesto. I think it is a wonderful addition to my now infamous Love List (100 things I want in a Lover/Soulmate/Partner) (Check archives under The Love List for all the posts). Someone will welcome and benefit from this manifesto...I absolutely know it!
JOINING OF OUR LIVES
September 20, 2009
I HEAR BY DECLARE TO MY BELOVED,
THE FOLLOWING DECLARATION OF PRINCIPLES AND INTENTIONS FOR THE ULTIMATE PURPOSES OF JOINING OUR LIVES TOGETHER:
I love you. I want you in my life as my true partner, protector, lover and very best friend.
As such I am willing and committed to:
1) Loving you with an open and full heart everyday;
2) Respecting your opinions on life and how to live in harmony;
3) Co-partnering in the raising of my children without fear and reservation;
4) Creating a safe and harmonious home where we are both safe and loved and cared for emotionally, spiritually and physically;
5) Seeking your council on matters that affect and or, effect our union;
6) Always consider your feelings and your personhood as I make decisions about work, family activities and further educational pursuits;
7) Discuss all matters of home and hearth with you before any decisions are made;
8) Making health and the commitment to better health a priority for myself and the children; (includes daily exercising, walking in the evenings, family time at parks)
9) Share my hopes, dreams and aspirations with you;
10) Always think the very best of you and your intentions in support of me and this family.
11) Respect for your religious beliefs and customs; celebrate when and where I can in regards to my faith.
12) Indulge you and your eccentricities, passions and quirks. (as long as they do not harm you and our family)
What I need from you:
1) A open and full heart and commitment to day-to-day love;
2) Respect of my opinions, thoughts and insights;
3) Willingness to co-partner in the raising and rearing of my children;
4) Support in creating a safe and harmonious home where I and my children feel safe, loved and cared for emotionally, spiritually and physically;
5) Seek my council on matters important to you and your life;
6) Always consider my feelings and my personhood as you make decisions about work, your children & family, further educational pursuits;
7) Discuss with me all matters you deem necessary and appropriate for our home as they arise;
8) Continued support in our pursuit of optimum health for me and the children;
9) Share your hopes and dreams and aspirations with me;
10) Always think the best of me and my intentions for you and this family;
11) Respect for my religious beliefs and customs; celebrate when and where you can in regards to your faith.
12) Indulge me and my eccentricities, passions and quirks (as long as they do not harm me or our family)