Monday, September 21, 2009


I crafted a manifesto yesterday for the man I thought I was in love with. The idea was to express my feelings on what I would be committed to in joining our lives together. This has been a serious bone of contention between us, as he has felt I've not been serious about giving this question some thought.

We were locked into a heated argument about my reluctance to talk about our communication problems. It all came to the final end when he said to me: I DON'T SEE ANY REMORSE IN YOU FOR THE CRIME YOU COMMITTED. ARE YOU REMORSEFUL? I was STUNNED! Stunned that he would come in at the tail end of one of the most life changing events in my life and say some stupid shit like that. I have paid for my crime. I have served the time I was required to. I have been on my knees to GOD and have been forgiven. To sit and listen to someone expecting me to be stuck in that place of sadness, desperation and humiliation is not what I want to be doing. Nor is this someone I want to be with. To have someone who claims to love me, sitting in judgement as though I owe him some sort of explanation is bullshit. My life is right now. Not what I did almost 10 years ago. So needless to say I told him to go away. We are no longer friends. We are no longer anything at all to each other.

This Summer has been amazing. The lessons learned have be invaluable. I've gained back my sexual self confidence that I thought was lost to me. I gained a renewed sense of being a woman who loves deeply and heartily. I am hitting my stride.

I realize that I need a different kind of partner who puts the wind in my sails. Who greets me in the morning with a happy heart, a big smile and laughter. Who is not interested in making me feel less than the amazing and beautiful woman that I am.

Oh this man and I are over and a manifesto is born!

So here is my Manifesto. I think it is a wonderful addition to my now infamous Love List (100 things I want in a Lover/Soulmate/Partner) (Check archives under The Love List for all the posts). Someone will welcome and benefit from this manifesto...I absolutely know it!

September 20, 2009


I love you. I want you in my life as my true partner, protector, lover and very best friend.

As such I am willing and committed to:
1) Loving you with an open and full heart everyday;
2) Respecting your opinions on life and how to live in harmony;
3) Co-partnering in the raising of my children without fear and reservation;
4) Creating a safe and harmonious home where we are both safe and loved and cared for emotionally, spiritually and physically;
5) Seeking your council on matters that affect and or, effect our union;
6) Always consider your feelings and your personhood as I make decisions about work, family activities and further educational pursuits;
7) Discuss all matters of home and hearth with you before any decisions are made;
8) Making health and the commitment to better health a priority for myself and the children; (includes daily exercising, walking in the evenings, family time at parks)
9) Share my hopes, dreams and aspirations with you;
10) Always think the very best of you and your intentions in support of me and this family.
11) Respect for your religious beliefs and customs; celebrate when and where I can in regards to my faith.
12) Indulge you and your eccentricities, passions and quirks. (as long as they do not harm you and our family)

What I need from you:
1) A open and full heart and commitment to day-to-day love;
2) Respect of my opinions, thoughts and insights;
3) Willingness to co-partner in the raising and rearing of my children;
4) Support in creating a safe and harmonious home where I and my children feel safe, loved and cared for emotionally, spiritually and physically;
5) Seek my council on matters important to you and your life;
6) Always consider my feelings and my personhood as you make decisions about work, your children & family, further educational pursuits;
7) Discuss with me all matters you deem necessary and appropriate for our home as they arise;
8) Continued support in our pursuit of optimum health for me and the children;
9) Share your hopes and dreams and aspirations with me;
10) Always think the best of me and my intentions for you and this family;
11) Respect for my religious beliefs and customs; celebrate when and where you can in regards to your faith.
12) Indulge me and my eccentricities, passions and quirks (as long as they do not harm me or our family)

11 comments: said...

So inspiring! You've captured so much that's in my own heart. Thank you.

Lovebabz said...

Thank you Dr. Leah!
I can't go back for more, where there is only less.

DivafromSC said...

Ahhh, sorry to see the love story end, but I understand where you are coming from. It is horrible to be with someone who passes judgment on you for something that happened not only in the past, but something you have forgiven yourself for and more importantly that God has forgiven you for. You are truly a woman of strength and courage. Good luck to you in the future on your journey to find love!

Tiffany Nicole said... really made me think about my relationship. Someone who holds you in captivity is def not worth it. The best part is that you recognized what you did not desire and made a decision to move forward with no regrets! You're an amazing woman!

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

Dearest Lovebabz,

Know in this life there are no "coincidences" this love came into your life to make you grow in certain ways and that is what indeed happened. I know there is sorrow and heaviness to the heart when something ends in an unexpected way. But oh, think of the special memories you have ;-)


Big Mark 243 said...

I love your manifesto ... it works both ways, with a few changes. I am going to shape and make one that is more applicible to me and from a male perspective!

Singlemommyhood said...

Wow, love your manifesto, too!!

Good for you for staying true to yourself.

After reading your post -- and I don't know the whole story -- it sounds like he's bit resentful and perhaps hurt... He said what he knew would push your buttons. But as an outsider (and deep in a new relationship!), I have a feeling that this talk about "that crime" might NOT be what's truly at the core here?

Solomon said...

If you have forgiven yourself, and God has gorgiven you too, then there should be no reason to keep bringing up 'the crime'. Obviously he had some other insecurities going on in the background that need addressing also. I think you did the righjt thing by ending the relationship the two of you had. If one person is in a good place and the other person keeps bringing up old issues that don't matter anymore, if it were me, it would be time to move on also.

Great maifesto! You obviously spent a lot of time on it and it is very well thought out. It speaks volumes of wanting peace and harmony in your future relationships. No matter who that might be with. Good luck to you as you go out from here in finding that special someone to share your life with.

Solomon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Her Side said...

To sit and listen to someone expecting me to be stuck in that place of sadness, desperation and humiliation is not what I want to be doing.

Bravo! I heard THAT!

I wonder if his statement came from a place of his own fear, and not necessarily from a place of sincere condemnation towards you. I often find that folks looking to condemn aren't consciously trying to keep you in stuck in a bad place but compensating for their own fears.

Was he afraid your perceived lack of remorse meant you were poised for a future slip? Was he afraid there's something darker hiding in your personality which could surface without warning?

No matter his reasons, he did the wrong thing. And you did exactly what you needed to do.

What a learning experience... for you and for us!

Your sharing is a blessing...

Mizrepresent said...

Big hug sis, and i love your manifesto!