Sometimes the gift has a larger meaning than originally thought. What we call into our lives based on what we think we need can show up but with a different message entirely. Love is not illusive. We only have to welcome love in, that's it...its not about time. It's about welcoming love in. Those that hold steadfast to ideals and laws and views to live a life instead of living life is sad to me. I have lost much in my life...friends, family and things. I have gained much in my life, friends, family and things. I have learned that this moment that I draw this breath is more precious than what tomorrow could bring. Peace in my home and in my heart is not predicated on everyone and everything being quiet. I am at peace in the midst of noise and chaos and drama. I am not moved by it. I do not need absolute physical peace...it dwells from within. I am not a beast for order. I am not felled by chaos. Disorder and chaos can often lend itself to creativity of the highest order. I am a woman of dual existence of heart and mind. I reconcile this everyday at every instance. It does not trouble me in the way it might for some. It has served me well and I have made room for this existence. I feel deeply and I think deeply. I am logical and emotional. Chaos and peace...however, more peace these days than chaos.
I am grand in my thoughts, deeds and actions. I give with a big heart. I do more than what is required and asked for. I make no apologies for this larger than life existence. To some that may seem over the top...grandiose. To those that say that, stay in your smallness and let your light be dimmed. For me I seek the richness and brightness of the sun and the moon. YES I DO BELIEVE I CAN DO AND BE AND HAVE EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING I SET MY HEART AND MIND TO. The world is mine and I am the world. I love that.
This life is one of joy and happiness and living with a full heart. I care not for ideals or laws of nature or anything that shows up as an excuse not to grab the brass ring. I am rooted in this moment with breath in this body. Carpe Diem has to be the order of the day!
I appreciate the small graces of life. The small kindnesses that connects us one to another. A smile, a hug, a note to say "hello I miss you", a single rose given because a dozen would be too much said and not enough to give in love. The balance is not in the giving but in the receiving. Receiving with grace and tenderness. The gift in and of itself is not important. To give one a gift says I am thinking of you and wanted you to have this small token of my affection because I thought this thing would bring you joy. Many find receiving hard and want to dissect the meaning behind the gift, accepting it with trepidation and suspect. Nothing breaks my heart more than that.
I am not an easy woman for anyone who needs absolute control. I am not a simple woman, I am not a dull woman, I am not a quiet woman. I am however a gift. I am a gift that requires opening everyday. I am an ever changing gift. GOD made me this wonderful gift full of mystery and whimsy and grandness. It is not open at your own risk or to your detriment...it is open and embrace love and joy.