Monday, September 7, 2009

COMING FULLY

Tonight I opened myself up to him...to myself. I said what was on my heart and mind. I confessed my fears. I talked about what I wanted and what my challenges are. I talked about giving up my excuses.

I want this love... supreme.

It requires work. It requires a quiet mind and a willing spirit. It requires me to step up and be a grown woman. Grown in the sense of being open to a Man's love, care and connection.

All my preconceived ideas about love and loving a Man fully have to be torn down and rebuilt. I am rebuilding my thoughts. I am rebuilding this heart that was broken. It is ready for a loving home again.

I can stand in the alone space with pride and self-righteous bullshit or I can stand vulnerable to my beloved and say take my hand and let's live as one. I am walking toward my forever love with arms wide open. There is nothing for me but to love with a full heart. I have to stop being the barrier to my dreams, hopes and love aspirations. I have to come fully or not come at all.

I am coming fully. I am reaching for him. I need him. Need him as a partner, helpmate, lover, friend and confidant.

Tonight I jumped a big hurdle for myself. I stood in the Grown Woman space and opened my heart and mind wide. I spoke to my confusion and my fears. I spoke about my life in a way that invites him in. Whether he comes or not that is not the question or the answer. The lesson and the test is and was that I invited him in...finally.

I am coming fully into my loving self. I feel renewed. I am restoring what was lost to me. Love is forgiving and restorative. I am coming fully into the life of my dreams.

The Love Story continues...


Tuesday 9/8/09 12:30pm est
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7 comments:

Single Mom Seeking said...

You are so brave. I love reading about how vulnerable you're being -- and how strong you feel after facing your fears.

It's ironic to me that love takes work. But it does. And even in those most terrifying hours, it does feel worth it. Especially when he's there, listening and holding you -- and you're doing the same for him. Yes?

Solomon said...

What a wonderful journey you are on. And what a blessing that you're coming full circle and finding that love you were missing before.

flutter said...

it also requires love of self. To know you are worth giving up the things which block you from achieving your bliss.

You are worth these things.

LadyLee said...

You have just revealed the flip side, the underbelly of the Cinderella story... and now the real story begins.

thecheekofgod said...

Thank you for your precious words of encouragement over at Flutter's. Forgiving oneself is the key that opens many doors . . .

Coming fully in all situations has a similar effect.

Great post!

Lovebabz said...

Single Mom Seeking,
Brave? Hell I wasted so much time getting to this place of surrender. I am glad I stepped out of my way and allowed love to begin to root.

I am doing my best to give him more of what he needs from a sincere place of willingness.

Solomon,
Yes I do feel like i am coming full circle. As you know I have covered some ground in creating this life LOL! I am feeling very much in love.

Flutter,
YES! I am in love with myself and do believe I am worthy of the grandest loveship!

LadyLee,
You are indeed right! The "real" love story begins!

thecheekofgod,
Thank you for coming by. I know somehting about childhood abuse and exploitation. Healing begins when you know that youa re worthy of the breath you take. Forgiveness is not external it is internal.

Lyrically speaking said...

Wow, this is deep...I took the time to read and it was so intriguing