Sunday, August 2, 2009

CLOSE TO HEAVEN IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I know what I want. I cannot stand in this life right now and not now clearly what I want. I want to live a certain way. I want a life filled with love and harmony. I want to share my life with someone who gets me on a great many levels. I want to share my life with someone who gets my jokes...gets my thoughts, understands my pain and loves me all the same.

I cannot hold someone Else's baggage. I cannot wait until someone solves their problems. I cannot wait until someone is sure about me. This may seem selfish... and it is on some level. I know what I need and want. I can't love someone through their journey or process of discernment. Yes I can cheer them on. I can send up prayers on their behalf. I can be encouraging. I cannot be the woman waiting in hopes of being chosen as THE ONE.

Life is right now. Not 6 months from now. We are in this space right now. The opportunity to love presents itself in this moment. We all have our choices to make...issues to overcome, wrongs to make right. God sends us what is needed.

God sends us what is needed but is not up to me to prove that. I only have to know that what is needed always comes. Maybe this is a dis-jointed post. Maybe I want to share my disappointment. Or maybe I am being unreasonable. I just know I can't be the woman who is auditioning for some one's love.

See I need him to scale the castle walls for me. I need him to NEED ME with every waking breath. I need him to say he can't sleep without me...can't make the bed without me...can't enjoy his day without the sound of my laughter ringing in our living space. See I can't accept anything less. I've had less and I am not going back for more where there is only less.

Love is enough to move anything thing forward. But there also has to be a willing spirit. Someone has to be willing to take the gamble...make the bet and roll the dice. There is only love or fear.

I don't care to hear that you need space and time to clear your heart and head because the one before me wounded you so. Let go unless you need to wallow in that pain. I am offering joy and peace and harmony and love. I have no drama to bring. I have no secrets, nor am I interested in playing the game of mis-communication. I am not angry or selfishness. All I got is me and a willingness to make it beautiful.

See, I've been close to heaven before and it ain't enough. I want heaven or nothing at all. And trust me, I will let go of you if all you have to offer is close enough.

The Love Story continues...

7 comments:

MindyMom said...

Amen to that! Couldn't have said it better myself. It's what we all deserve.

Big Mark 243 said...

Since you have admitted to this maybe being a disjointed post and needing to vent, do your thing, girl!

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

Whew! You needed to exhale huh? I understand, sometimes when we put it all out there and it is not accepted as we like there is great dissapointment.


(((HUGS)))

Rich Fitzgerald said...

Hmmm. In a rare move, I'm withholding comment.

Lovebabz said...

From: Mr.Jay (LoveSupreme). Babz has allowed me to post this comment. WOW! I am really shy and there will be NO reality show (SMILE). She is my Friend, and I value her. Peace and blessings to you all.

Solomon said...

Yes, life is right now, and God does send us everything we need!

At least you know exactly what you want Lovebabz, most folks can't do that.

the prisoner's wife said...

takes a lot of courage to write/say/live these words.

for most of us, we'd be happy if we SEE heaven most day, let alone get close.

i know you will get what you want/need because it is so. ashe!