A couple days ago I was listening to Dr. Robin on XM radio...Oprah & Friends. She stated that we spend too much time trying to win people over. To win people to love us. That statement stopped me cold in my tracks. Because I am one of those kind of people. I am one of those people that will work hard at trying to win some one's affection. Now mind you, I have been married for 12 years, but in looking back at past loveships I can clearly see how that was my miss-step. Hhhmm... (insert eco-friendly LIGHT BULB!)
So in moving myself forward, that awareness is quite illuminating. It is a flaw that I can correct now that I see it. Paying attention and being tuned in to my insecurities will beat back this beast. It is a level of mindfulness for everyday. It is a pattern of behaviour that speaks to feeling not good enough. That is the root. So instead of letting a special someone see me, I add all the niceties so that the real me is camouflaged? Because I subconsciously don't believe I am enough as is.
Ding Ding Ding...I WIN! I GET IT! The shift in my thinking today forward will be how can I win myself over. Or better still, I will win myself over for myself. I am good enough. I love my own company and I think I am pretty doggone FABULOUS...flaws and all!
Happy Birthday #54 to ME!
10 months ago
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14 comments:
I sooooooo needed to hear that today. We are kindred spirits in this life journey. I am guilty of doing the exact same thing, changing myself to make someone "love" me. Trying to make them see I am "good enough" to be loved.
It stops here! *Raising my cup of orange juice in a toast* No More!!!!
yes indeed u win folk
"changing myself to make someone "love" me. Trying to make them see I am "good enough" to be loved"...been there done did that and I've learned it's not worth it...if they don't respect you fundamentally than no matter how you try to change yourself it just won't work...I'm to the point now where it's take me as I am or fuck it...I'm quite happy by myself...
Welcome back! And yes, I have dealt with the same issue. I have to work at it, being conscious in every moment...I'm getting better
Hey Sistah....
Been there and done that....I so feel you on this one! Once again good stuff....
Kay C,
Thanks! OJ glasses are bing raised all over the place...that's my wish!
Torrance,
Your a PEACH! Thanks!
Professor
I am so getting there. I am already there...LOL!
MzTeeJaye
Half the battle is recognizing that its my character flaw and working hard to correct it. Yeah I am still a work in progress!
Keisha,
Hello and Girl the trick is not to keep going back to the same mess.
awareness is a HUGE step in self-care, self-love! go girl! you are well on your way. And, loved all the positive energy and attitude as you wrote about it. thanks for sharing your heart and these great reminders.
Welcome LifeCoachKaren!
Thank you for your kind words. i do hope you drop in from time to time. You are alwasy welcome here *smile*
I find myself doing things to make men like me, because I am manipulative and meddlesome. What I realized at Church last week was that having Faith means trusting in the divine plan and trusting means knowing I don't have to manipulate the math to make it work.
i don't think there's a person on this planet that doesn't to be liked, loved or accepted (even those who'll claim they don't care). the challenge comes in not working overtime, or to one's own detriment to make that happen. the trick, the riddle, the rub is how to maintain authenticity, be true to yourself, and not bend or become some entertaining puppet in order to capture someone's delight.
nice post, my Sista.
One.
ummm... CORRECTION ALERT.... my first sentence shoulda read:
don't think there's a person on this planet that doesn't WANT to be liked, loved or accepted...
While I have lived 78.6% of my life attempting to have people like or love me, at some point, I decided the one person that needs to love and like me is myself... once I did that, I found that almost everyone else started liking me, and those that didn't, well, I really didn't give a bleep.
After all, if one doesn't like one's self, how the heck is anyone else going to?
So look at yourself and decide what you love about yourself and enjoy those aspects of yourself. Ignore the parts you don't love, and they will wither away as you strengthen the parts you do love.
Gosh I really love the way I commented on this post, have an amazing day!
Micheal Savoie
http://twitter.com/michealsavoie
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