There is someone I like very much...Mr. Crush. He, like me, is coming out of a relationship that ended. He, like me, has children. I suggested that perhaps he is obsessed with his Ex. He graciously indulged me and my observations. I did not harp on it, but I did mention it enough that finally he said, "I never mention how much you talk about your EX and your divorce" Touche! He was right. It never occurred to me that he could easily make the same observations about me. So what this tells me is that my own insecurities has gotten the better of me. Not that I am a jealous woman...I am not. But there is a neediness to me that I had never seen before. Or at least never allowed myself to see before. I gave this a great deal of thought and discernment. What was I hoping to gain by saying he was obsessed? What was I really saying to him and to me? This is the hard stuff, self analysis and calling myself out when I am wrong. But I am not going to beat myself up, I am going to acknowledge this new layer to myself and peel it away! So Mr. Crush, I apologize. You are not obsessed. You are kind and considerate and I like your swagger!
So, here I am learning something new about myself. Something that I could find easily in others but not when I look in the mirror. This revelation is illuminating. I suspect that my insecurities is very much fear in drag. I for, one, am glad that I got to peel this layer and to look at it. This is part of the journey...becoming the Grown Woman I am destined to be.