Tuesday, April 29, 2008

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: HOLDING THE MIRROR UP TO MY OWN SOUL

There is someone I like very much...Mr. Crush. He, like me, is coming out of a relationship that ended. He, like me, has children. I suggested that perhaps he is obsessed with his Ex. He graciously indulged me and my observations. I did not harp on it, but I did mention it enough that finally he said, "I never mention how much you talk about your EX and your divorce" Touche! He was right. It never occurred to me that he could easily make the same observations about me. So what this tells me is that my own insecurities has gotten the better of me. Not that I am a jealous woman...I am not. But there is a neediness to me that I had never seen before. Or at least never allowed myself to see before. I gave this a great deal of thought and discernment. What was I hoping to gain by saying he was obsessed? What was I really saying to him and to me? This is the hard stuff, self analysis and calling myself out when I am wrong. But I am not going to beat myself up, I am going to acknowledge this new layer to myself and peel it away! So Mr. Crush, I apologize. You are not obsessed. You are kind and considerate and I like your swagger!

So, here I am learning something new about myself. Something that I could find easily in others but not when I look in the mirror. This revelation is illuminating. I suspect that my insecurities is very much fear in drag. I for, one, am glad that I got to peel this layer and to look at it. This is part of the journey...becoming the Grown Woman I am destined to be.

19 comments:

May-Bee said...

He sounds lovely.

Anali said...

I find that the people who are close to us have a way of allowing us to learn a lot about ourselves. He sounds like a nice man. :D

Lovebabz said...

Good Day May-Bee,
He is very interesting and free thinking.

Anali,
Yes I believe he is a nice man, very self assurred and A Brother for all seasons.

Jennifer said...

An elegant apology and a candid admission worthy of a woman who is doing her own internal work! Sounds like you are into this man.

Lovebabz said...

Hello Jennifer,
I am glad you think it's an elegant apology. I like him and I would like to get to know him. He is interesting and sexy as hell. I could learn a great deal from a man so liberated!

Rex Venom said...

People will always wonder and think.
Especially in regards to someone they like.
But you have it all under control.
You are Talking about thought, feelings, even worries.
That is great, and as you see, it leads to understanding.
One of the best things in the world.
Rock on!

Rich said...

good deal. it's always good to see yourself for who you truly are.

Ndelible said...

Grow on Gurl, grow on.

Happy Birthday

Lovebabz said...

Hey Rex Venom,
So nice of you to drop in. I am doing my best to discern and excavate who I am. It is a journey that I happily embark on.

Rich,
Trying to!

Hey Ndelible,
Sister how are you?! Trying to to fully step into my Grown Womaness!

CapCity said...

U know, Sistah Love -- that mirror can be such a lovely place! Embrace it! And any Brother who can patiently listen before he quietly, without accusation makes such a statement is ALRIGHT by me;-).

Now, Uh Hem. Here's my Birthday Poem 4 ya:

H eart-felt
U ndeniably
G racious and
Z esty.

4 evah

L iving
O ut LOUD!
V ivacious
E ncourager
B old
A dmirable
B ad-azz
Z ealous about her transition;-)

Lovebabz said...

Capcity,
I LOVE THIS! Oh this is getting framed. Thank you a thousand times over! This even has your signature hugz too! I love you! oooo my birthday is already lovely and it ain't even got here yet! Yippee!

MsKnowitAll said...

I like your Grown Woman swagger!

"But there is a neediness to me that I had never seen before."

It's beautiful when your eyes are opened and your truth is revealed to you.

And if I forget to come by,
I don't want to miss it,
so I'm wishing you a very
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Health, Wealth and Joy!

Lovebabz said...

Missknowitall,

Oh I do so appreciate the compliment! I am determined to walk in my truth no matter how painful. It is illuminating and it gets me closer to the grandest me ever!

Thank you so much for the birthday shout out!

Don said...

yes i see how you are getting your Grown Woman on.

good deal.

it doesn't appear as though you have a greater insecurity than the next man, or woman.

do LOVEBABZ.

Lovebabz said...

Hye Don,
Not as provocative as what you got going over at your place...but thanks for stopping in. I am doing LOVEBABZ to the best of my ability!

The Artist In Me said...

I often find that God allows certain people to become very close whether for a lifetime or a season to show me...well, me. And it is often those characteristics that He is working to change within me that those people possess. You know...the characteristics and habits that you can't stand about yourself. The whole process is rather interesting, but so freeing when you finally get it.

Kudos to you and your friend for taking this journey together. A journey that is destined to heal you both totally.

braincell said...

u sound like a grown woman to me to say or admit such

Lovebabz said...

Braincell,

I am feeling like a Grown Woman!
Thank you very much!

Lovebabz said...

And yes indeed Artist in Me...
This is my season of discernment and growth!