Sometimes I do not answer them right off when they call me. I let them call me several times. I love hearing them call Mommy! Mommy I/we need you! I never tire of it. It is like God is talking directly to me. I love when they are outside and I am inside and I can hear them talking, it always comes back to Mommy said, or I am going to ask Mommy, or I am telling Mommy! it cracks me up, how I am their all-knowing, all-problem solving Mother.
Being their mother is my greatest joy. Everyday I am freaked out that I am their mother. I think about this everyday. How did I get these divine children? Me. I am always thinking about how I want them to be in the world. How can I aid in their development as decent, caring, honorable people? Raising them is so critically important to me. I am deliberate in my coordination of activities and friendships. I happily place myself between them and the world. I am the filter until they are able to discern for themselves the goings and comings of the world and the people in it.
They each have an arrival story they love to hear over and over. Margeaux's story--knock knock, Hello Mrs. here is your baby. She was wrapped in this huge pink and white crocheted blanket, the social worker handed her to me and out the door she went. I was left holding this tiny 5lbs baby who was wiggly and beautiful. Briana's story-was the first time she called me Mom. She was 3 years old and it was the first week of school. Briana is a very quiet child. Every morning was a mad dash out the door to get her to school and myself to work. The first two days I drove all the way to work with her in the back seat. I pulled into my office parking space and I go to get out and I scream OMG! what are you doing here! she looked at me with a blank stare as if to say...and you are my Mother? On the third day I was about to miss the turn to the school and she said in a firm but tiny voice Mom don't miss the turn. My heart soared and I knew right then I was her Mother. I cried all the way to work! Khalil arrived with no language skills..none! He sounded like Nell and Pooty Tang rolled into one. We found him a speech therapist, I worked with him night and day and today he can talk anyone under the table. He loves when I tell him he is the cutest kid in the world! Gregory was the last to arrive and the oldest. He was adorable but with a whole lot of issues. He loves when I tell his story about how he came and his tooth was loose and I pulled it. The social worker said he wouldn't let his foster parents near it it. I said open wide, and I pulled it out. He was amazed! He still thinks I have some magical power! I do...I love him!
I don't know why I have 4 children. I just know that I am so happy I do. I cannot imagine my life without them. They make me a better woman everyday. I may never get a date ever again. But I do know that I will always have their love! They certainly have my heart for all eternity.