A very nice Marshall was waiting to serve me divorce papers yesterday afternoon as I arrived home with my children. He was nice enough to present his card to me and asked me to step aside to talk as to not upset my children. I was stunned. I was stunned. I was stunned. STUNNED!
OK I am bypassing all the events of the evening. The comforting and empowering talks from my blood SisterLo and Sister-friend JB. The supportive ear of My Crush--it takes great patience to let a woman rant and vent in a shrill high-pitched voice, and the kind posts and conversation with Xavier--who by the way is well worth his weight in M&M's. They all let me vent, cry, scream. And of course consume lots of wine and beer.
Going forward this is what I know:
- My Ex did me a favor by leaving US.
- He did me a favor by filing divorce papers.
- He did me a favor by consistently showing me he is not the Man for me.
- He did me a favor by reminding Me of how petty, small and narrow he is.
- He did me a favor by providing me a solid example of what FEAR looks like.
- He did me a favor by forcing me to accept that I am an amazing woman.
There is nothing for me to fear. I have gone through so much without his care, concern, love. This is the Universe clearing space for me to arrange my life in a way that prepares me for what I want. There is nothing for me to fear. Not losing my house---I can get another one, this is my 3rd. Losing health benefits, I am a business owner I can work that out too. My two biggest fears are not so big when I shine the light of truth and love on them.
MY EX DOES NOT HAVE THE POWER TO BREAK ME! AND I AM NO LONGER AFRAID OF HIM!
So what has changed since yesterday? I am more sure of my self and my ability to stand in love and allow that to continue to guide and direct me. I am not going to let Him or anybody else dim my light, question my love, or bring fear and self loathing to my home, heart and bed.
I got this. I am reminded of all that I have survived in my big life and quite frankly, this is a walk in the park on a sunny day!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BLOOD SISTER LO!