Wednesday, April 16, 2008

SERVED OR HOW TO TAKE A WALK IN THE PARK...

I knew my ex-husband was up to something. I could feel it since last Thursday. I knew something was coming. I said to my Sister-friend JB, I bet you "EX" is meeting with a lawyer to file because he is so angry with me. Then I just laughed it off. I laughed it off because I was holding onto the agreement my Ex and I had about how we were going to conduct ourselves and handle this dissolution of this marriage.

A very nice Marshall was waiting to serve me divorce papers yesterday afternoon as I arrived home with my children. He was nice enough to present his card to me and asked me to step aside to talk as to not upset my children. I was stunned. I was stunned. I was stunned. STUNNED!

OK I am bypassing all the events of the evening. The comforting and empowering talks from my blood SisterLo and Sister-friend JB. The supportive ear of My Crush--it takes great patience to let a woman rant and vent in a shrill high-pitched voice, and the kind posts and conversation with Xavier--who by the way is well worth his weight in M&M's. They all let me vent, cry, scream. And of course consume lots of wine and beer.

Going forward this is what I know:

  • My Ex did me a favor by leaving US.
  • He did me a favor by filing divorce papers.
  • He did me a favor by consistently showing me he is not the Man for me.
  • He did me a favor by reminding Me of how petty, small and narrow he is.
  • He did me a favor by providing me a solid example of what FEAR looks like.
  • He did me a favor by forcing me to accept that I am an amazing woman.

There is nothing for me to fear. I have gone through so much without his care, concern, love. This is the Universe clearing space for me to arrange my life in a way that prepares me for what I want. There is nothing for me to fear. Not losing my house---I can get another one, this is my 3rd. Losing health benefits, I am a business owner I can work that out too. My two biggest fears are not so big when I shine the light of truth and love on them.

MY EX DOES NOT HAVE THE POWER TO BREAK ME! AND I AM NO LONGER AFRAID OF HIM!

So what has changed since yesterday? I am more sure of my self and my ability to stand in love and allow that to continue to guide and direct me. I am not going to let Him or anybody else dim my light, question my love, or bring fear and self loathing to my home, heart and bed.

I got this. I am reminded of all that I have survived in my big life and quite frankly, this is a walk in the park on a sunny day!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BLOOD SISTER LO!

25 comments:

Jennifer said...

DIVORCING WOMAN TO DIVORCING WOMAN THIS IS WHAT I HAVE LEARNED.
Resistance to change is futile. How you experience this divorce has NOTHING to do with your husband unless you allow him to pull you off your course. The universe is making a way for you and paving a path that you cannot even see yet. Have faith. Walk in the TRUTH. Free your mind. Open your heart. LET THIS FOOL GO!

Lovebabz said...

Jennifer,

Sister,You speak truth to POWER! And I hear you and GOD loud and CLEAR! DONE, Done, Done DONE and DONE!

May-Bee said...

So glad you're feeling strong about all this.
What a horrible way for it to happen.
But how wonderful that you have such great people around you. Makes a huge difference, I know.

sista gp said...

Stay strong
Keep your faith
HIS love will guide you through this

Lovebabz said...

Hello Sister May-Bee,
Yes I am feeling strong. I am not going to let the delivery of divorce papers knock me down. Yes, I am rather blessed witha community of folks who truly care about my well-being!

Can you hear Mary J. Blige in the background: Fine Fine Fine! OOOO Fine! My life is just FINE!

Lovebabz said...

Hey Sista GP,
Staying strong, staying in my faith and loving my life!

Xavier Pierre Jr. said...

Love,

I saw you gettin all comfy/cozy on my couch. :-D Please make it a habit, my couch loves you as much as I love yours. And for heaven's sake, keep self-loathing far, far far from the bedroom. LOL

MWUAH!!!!

Peace and Love,

Alizé (LoversA.blogspot.com)

Lovebabz said...

Xavier,
You are the BESTEST!
Thanks again for letting me be me!
I am feeling pretty good this morning!

pserendipity said...

Wow. Just wow. You know, there is something I want to say about this, but I can't put my finger on it. When I practiced family law, I was almost always the one sending out the summons. I never ever thought about the emotion that goes along with it. Well, when people would call me p*ssed and cursing I would, but now I look at it in a whole new light.

I also know someone who may benefit from this post. It is soo forwarded.

As an aside, I just LOVE your blog, soror. Love.It. I took a couple days off in hopes of coming back refined and with a new attitude, this is giving me some direction.

Lovebabz said...

Soror Pserendipity,
This will not break me. I was a bit shaken, but I am not falling. I appreciate your seeing a different perspective.

I am glad you like my blog. You are welcomed to stop in and post as much as you like.

All is as it should be.

MsKnowitAll said...

Amen Sister!

There really is nothing more to say but to encourage you. You are already empowered. Your strength exudes throughout this post. You have nothing to fear and we all know that fear is false evidence anyway!

Stay prayed up, continue to affirm your love and security. You're absolutely correct - this will be a walk in the park. When it's all said and done, I'm sure you will tell your story and it will encourage another. This will be one of those past moments that you'll reminiscence on and laugh about with your Sister and Sister-friends.

Lovebabz said...

Hello MsKnowItAll!

I am so happy that you stopped over. Yes indeed Sister, I stay in prayer. I am choosing to be fearless!

You are welcome to join US in Paris in about 3 years! I will be totally FREE of all this!

sisterlo said...

First Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

Question: when do we, those who love and genuinely like you, get to jump on the fame and good fortune bandwagon? I ask because I've parked my empathy vehicle and am ready for a roarin' rippin' journey filled w/ the deserved blessings that were blocked by an entity that was obvioulsy only supposed to show you the way to You - 'cause you got sidetracked somewhere and started wanting what he wanted and not what you needed - to be, survive and share w/ the world.

I believe there are angels, and helpers, and whatever else you call them, just waiting for you to get it and go! we're standing on the sidelines here w/ our hands on our heads, SCREAMING "Hey, keep it movin' there's something spectacular, and fabulous, and incredibly wonderful waiting for you....claim it already!!!!

Lovebabz said...

My beautiful SisterLo!

This is why you are my blood-bone sister! You are my biggest cheerleader and I love you for it. You know me and you know I am a Warrior Queen! Watch me fly soar and be beautiful!

dejanae said...

"This is the Universe clearing space for me to arrange my life in a way that prepares me for what I want"

beautifully said

spring cleaning is in order

Lovebabz said...

Dejanae,
You are right...Spring cleaning is indeed in order!

Kai C. said...

thank you love babez

Kai C. said...

love the blog too.

the prisoner's wife said...

there is no bit of advice i could give that would pump you up more than your own words on this blog. amazing. i'm so glad you are not wasting precious time worrying & fearing what will come next. i love your attitude!

Lovebabz said...

Thank you Kai C. you are indeed a very talented poet! And I am glad you like my blog.

Hey TPW,
Everyday I have to purposely and deliberately choose happiness. I make that decision everyday of how I want to be in the day, in my life.

The Artist In Me said...

Hooray for you! You get two snaps and a swirl, and an AMEN for true freedom!

Be blessed!

Sharon said...

Hello my Twin...I don't know how I missed this post yesterday, but it seems you have handled the situation with the grace that only you can bring to such a potentially difficult moment.

Bravo to the position of love you have chosen and speaking from very recent experience as I was served papers in February and had my own divorce hearing on last Monday, April 7th, I can attest that it is definitely the best approach. For so long, I had fought to keep my marriage intact until I finally came to the realization that I could NOT possibly succeed in my goal because a marriage that was not intact to begin with can most certainly NOT be KEPT INTACT!

Today, less than 2 weeks post divorce, I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER NOR IN BETTER SPIRIT! My life is a treasure chest overflowing with riches and I'm planning to enjoy exploring every one!

YOU, I love!!! ;)

Lovebabz said...

Hey Sharon!
I tell you I am putting this behind me. I still ahve some work to do around it, but I am in a far better place than a year ago. My life has already gotten better. It's like seeing the world in HD!

As always your sage words heal! Love you!

The Quiet Storm said...

I understand how you feel. I spent 10 years of my life in a marriage that is dissolving. I understand the pain and frustration that you feel while at the same time a relief that it is no more.

Like all of the "agreements" you had meant nothing in retrospect.

Going through the flames with you sister. Remember...fire destroys but it also rebuilds. It just burns off containments to leave a pure substance.

Lovebabz said...

Well Hello Quiet Storm,
It is so nice to hear from you! Yes you are right about the flames! I have to get over to se eyou and check how you are. It is so good to hear from you.