Friday, May 27, 2011

Are You Who The Person You Are Looking For Is Looking For?

Everything in my life brings me to this moment.  It is no accident that I am on this path at this time in my life.  There is path that I am making with every step.  It is not the road less traveled, however it is a road uniquely my own. There is transitioning in my life. I can feel it.  The signs are there. The gift of divine guidance is present. And I am receiving the message.

This is the question: Are You  Who The Person You Are Looking For Is Looking For?
Answer: No.

The last 2 years has shown me that I have (more) work to do. I am not relationship ready no matter how much I wax poetic about a loveship.  I am not prepared.  I do not have enough to offer. This is not a beat down analysis.  This is naked truth.  I wouldn't choose me.  I am not being mean.  I am not being self-defeating. I am growing.  And in growth there has to be truth telling.

For the next year, I am going to stop dating. Be celibate.  I am going to get my financial house in order.  I am going to get my physical health in order.  I am going to embrace my faith more fully.  I am going to break bad habits ALL OF THEM!  I am going to immerse myself in tools and books that support this thinking.  I am going to learn all that I can about me. I will revisit my Love List and become all that I say I want.

I am moving away from the fairy tale mindset of if I meet the right person then everything will be alright.  It won't if you are not prepared and ready. To live happily ever-after means being a woman handling her business. I must be my very best self and exhibit qualities that I want to see in someone.  What I want I must become.  You attract what you are. Who you are with reflects your state of mind.

Now that I know this.  I must be about the business of becoming myself.  I can no longer just accept whatever comes my way.  I must become and exhibit the qualities I say I want in a soul mate. In order to do that I gotta tell the truth about my life and truth telling means, stop ignoring what needs to be done and hoping someone will come along to fix it. And I have to quit hoping they don't notice all the mess and just love me as is.  Well that is a tall order and lazy.  There aren't too many places in life where that would be acceptable.  So why am I inviting someone to accept that and then get upset when they won't. I wouldn't accept it.

A year is just the right amount of time to give myself back to myself. So when I ask this question Am I who the person I am looking for is looking for on 5/27/12 I can say YES!


Shai said...

We are all works in progress. And sometimes we are too hard on ourselves. We will all have flaws. We all be working on ourselves. I think alot of us, myself, included think if we follow some formula, love will come. Love will come when it comes and you may be halfway finished with your list. You never know.

MsKnowitAll said...

Hey Sister Lovebabz,

I am with you on this journey... having just taken inventory of my life and having the same realization. It is as if I typed this very post myself...

The difference though is that I'm not giving myself a timeline and I hope you won't restrict yourself. Love can emerge at any point - the key is that your mind has changed, your thoughts have changed. No longer are you lazy minded but focused on your goals. If your soul-mate arrives today or whenever, you are on your journey to your better self. Afterall life is series of journeys....

Lovebabz said...

Hi Shai! How nice to see you over here! And yes, you could be right....I may well be more than halfway. The formula I want to expand on are the ones laid out in Corinthians 13:4 :)

Hello MsKnowItAll!
The timeline isn't so much a restriction, but a way to begin honoring my myself. And indeed life is a series of journeys...I like that thinking.