I am feeling very introspective today. Where am I?
I am having that free-falling backwards feeling. I can't seem to get my bearings. I can't seem to stand on firm ground in my life. I am anxious and argumentative. I am short tempered and I am uneasy. Tired. Very tired of being underneath struggle. I've been at war too long and I am ready to come in from the raging storms. I've been in battle for too long. I am losing my ability to feel soft. I am losing my ability to see love. I am becoming distrustful of my own thoughts and feelings.
There is too much noise in my life from all directions. I am constantly being talked at. I am losing my ability to elevate my mind from the chaos of my life. I am tired of being told what to do about the most mundane of things. I don't give a shit about dishes in the sink. Not today!
WHAT THE FUCK DO I WANT? WHO THE HELL DO I WANT TO BE?
God I wish someone would be kind to me. Take care of me. Make everything alright for me... just for today. I want someone to mind the children while I nap. Make the lemon water without asking me first. I want someone to love that I am quiet and brooding and not constantly asking me what's on my mind! I want someone to crawl in bed with me and just start fucking me... without a whole lot of conversation. CAN I HAVE THAT! PLEASE!
Who am I really? and what do I want? what matters to me? and how can I keep moving forward with grace? What would a better Me look like? And could someone just come and love this Me? AS Is? Do I love this ME as is?
Inward once again for the true answers. Maybe I've relied too much on the external. Maybe.