Tuesday, September 11, 2007

TRUE LOVE TUESDAY: I GET TO DECIDE WHO I WANT TO BE

I get it. I get to decide who I want to be. I get to decide how I feel about me. I get to decide how I feel about everything. Regardless of what is written about me, it is not my truth. It is merely someone's interpretation of who they think I am. And I do not have to accept it. I do not have to give energy to it and I do not have to try to change their mind about who I am. To get to this stage and thinking is quite liberating. Don't get me wrong I am new to this and and each day I grow more and more into myself. I am not going to get stuck on being labeled a felon. I am not going to get stuck on the fact that I committed a crime, lied about it and tried to cover it up. The facts are this, I am going to prison for it, I am making restitution for it, I am losing my home, I have lost a few friends and still, I GET TO DECIDE WHO I WANT TO BE. I am not wearing anybody's judgement of me. I am not accepting poor treatment from anybody because they think I am dirt, I am not going to beat myself up over this anymore. I am putting away my boxing gloves, whipping stick and broken glass. I am done with self imprisonment, I am done with trying to prove to people that I am sorry, that I am remorseful. I am taking back my life and my dreams. I am deciding who I want to be and that starts today.

Prayers to all the families who lost loved ones on September 11.

3 comments:

M said...

Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Oooooh! So many people just don't get it! And you do! Wooot!

You either get it or you don't. It can't be explained. It's binary and it's a revelation. Congratulations Babz! Good on ya!

Lovebabz said...

Hey I am trying to live my best life! I get it, and your right it is a revelation.

Pam Hoffman said...

Thank you so much for this. About 22 years ago, I lost my baby niece in an accident.

The incident ended up in the "newspaper." I couldn't believe how wrong they got the story! It was truly awful.

I have not read a newspaper since without thinking about that article. The papers never get it right I think. They couldn't even get our story right and it was hardly newsworthy. What the heck are they doing with the really important stories out there? I don't buy it anymore.

There were people in our neighborhood who wrote horrible things on my post box at the time and I was hurting so much to begin with.

Thank you so much for writing this as I'm still not 'over' the incident and I'm not sure that I ever will be.

Your words give me something to work with though, something to think about for myself. I'm very grateful you were able to express yourself so clearly.

Pam Hoffman
http://seminarlist.blogspot.com