Thursday, September 6, 2007
OCTOBER 1, 2007 12:00 NOON
October 1, 2007 12:00 Noon is my self surrender date. I got my letter yesterday in the mail. Let me back up. I took the kids over to see their Dad yesterday. They haven't been to his new place. I haven't been there since he moved there. I was stunned at how lovely it was. I mean it really was well appointed. So now now back to getting my letter from the U.S. Department of Justice, United States Marshals Service about self surrendering; I was completely numbed by it. I was so full of emotion about my husband's place that the letter was almost the last straw. I had no physical feelings--all the feeling had drained from my body and I was hollow. That is how great the pain was, that it left me feeling-less. I tossed and turned all night. So where am I now. I am trying to stay afloat and stay focused. I am trying to keep it moving. I am trying to stay grounded in my faith. I am trying not to think of falling down. I am trying to remember that I am a mother and that no matter what my kids need me. I am trying to hold on, I am trying to remember that I have people who really care about me. I am trying to remember that I am not alone. I am not alone even as I sit here in a quiet house with nothing but the sounds of the radio in the background. I am trying to remember that it doesn't matter about the whispers and the gossip and the shame and the humiliation. That there is only right now and the possibility of tomorrow. Ain't shit I can do about yesterday. On October 1, 2007 12:00 Noon I will surrender to do my 30 day sentence.